blueyedgrl85 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I have known my friend, "Q," for about 10 years- we're both 25. She has recently changed a lot to fit in with her younger co-workers. She even admitted that she can't be herself around them and so she has to change how she acts to fit in. ""Q" talks, dresses, and acts differently because she wants to be their friend. She has her degree, but "dumbs down" around them. Whenever I see her, it is awkward between us. I tried talking to her nicely about this and she seemed okay about it, but then she threw it back in my face and says I'm jealous or I'm the one with the problem. She always puts me down, yet she will call me when she needs help or advice. I don't want to end our friendship because I have known her for so long and there is something going on with her- she lost a lot of weight and her clothes hang on her now. I just don't like being put down all of the time and only being contacted when she needs me. What should I do?
Lucky_One Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 This is your 4th post in a month about the same girl, and you keep getting the same advice. You are only 25. The friends you had when you were younger are not the friends you will have as you get older. It sounds like you have grown past each other. Time to get some new friends, and let this one quietly go away.
ro38 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 my advice would be to either stick around and suck it up, cuz eventually she will realize the mistakes shes making.. or you can back off let her know that your fed up, but dont cut all ties with her. you can still be friends just not as close. she is 25 years old she should be mature enough to understand the difference between "helping a friend" and "jealousy"
Odyssey Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Sometimes people change. They reach a point where they take a different direction than you. there's really not much you can do to make them change in line with what you want. All you can do is make them aware of what is happening, how it makes you feel, and the rest is up to them...
doushenka Posted January 9, 2010 Posted January 9, 2010 Sounds like Q is having one of those quarter-life crises. She's too old for the college crowd and too young for the married-with-kids folks. Unfortunately, she's coping with it in some destructive ways. -- Changing how she presents herself to fit in: Instead of doing this, she could be working on finding her place among other people her age. Depending on her interests, both personal and professional, there are plenty of places she could go. Museums? Coffeehouses? Concerts? All perfectly suitable options. -- Fair-weather friendship: Ten years really is a long time, especially that ten years. I am radically different from the person I was at fifteen (I'm twenty-three now) and the people who knew me then are seeing that. Luckily, they like me better this way. Point is that you two have aged differently, and when she sees that, it rankles. I bet you've got it together far better than she has. She's accusing you of jealousy because she can't face her own, and that's not on. Own your sh*t, folks, or it'll own you! -- Rapid weight loss: This has me very concerned. It is entirely possible, when one feels one's life is out of control, to develop an eating disorder as a coping mechanism. I didn't say it was a good one! She won't listen if you talk to her, so ask her friends and family whether they've noticed anything odd lately. (Trust me on this one. Been there, done that, still can't fit in the d*mn T-shirt.) If it gets to the point where you cannot function, detach with love. Say "Thanks for the decade; I have to move on" and live your own life. She won't like you much for it, but in time, she'll come to see that you had to take care of yourself. Or she'll be a pathetic cokewhore hanging around kids ten years younger than she is, in which case you're well rid of that burden, eh?
green_tea Posted January 11, 2010 Posted January 11, 2010 You say she puts you down all the time.. but friends don't do this to each other. I'll let a couple of things slide with a friend, but if they keep making me feel bad, I'll walk away from the situation. And you say you already tried to talk to her nicely, so I'd say you've done all you can.
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