justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 So i have been talking to this guy for a while and we finally met and hit it off. I wasnt sure if he was seeing other women or what not, so i was still on dating sites and made plans. Anyways, i know that i like him, and i definitely want a relationship, and he is what i want in a guy. So, he had tis discussion about if i was talking to or dating anyone else, and about us getting a HIV test just to be safe. Which freaks me out, but its very responsible. Anyways, i have a date for Friday, and i was looking forward to it, but i dont want to screw things up with this guy because of one date. I have been dating for a year and a half, and frankly i am sick of the dating scene and guys who dont want relationships or make time for me. How do i tell him? I feel so awful! he was looking forward to meeting me
2sunny Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 after one date he wants proof of an HIV test? also expecting you to not see anyone else after one date is way to demanding IME. something seems off... i'd still go on the date with the new guy.
boogieboy Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 You tell the new guy that you met someone that you want to get serious with. He will understand.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 You sure all you want to throw all of your eggs in one basket after meeting the first guy once? If I a guy asked me on the first date if I was dating anyone else, that would freak me out a little bit. And I certainly acknowledge not everyone thinks like I do, but the fact that you also state you're "tired or dating and want a relationship" makes me think you might be pinning your hopes on the first guy a little too much. Why not go on the date with the second guy? What would it hurt? If you really don't want to, then just tell the second guy that you met someone you really like and think might have a future with and that you wish him good luck.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Whoops. I could have just written "What 2sunny and boogieboy said."
Crazy Magnet Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I sent polite messages to everyone (email, text, phone call...depending on where I was in the dating process) to let the other men I had been dating/talking to that I was no longer interested because I had found someone else and decided to be exclusive. It sucked, I felt awful, but it was better than disappearing and being a flake.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 You talked about getting tested for STDs ON YOUR FIRST DATE? Who brought up the subject of STD testing, you or he?
Author justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 You sure all you want to throw all of your eggs in one basket after meeting the first guy once? If I a guy asked me on the first date if I was dating anyone else, that would freak me out a little bit. And I certainly acknowledge not everyone thinks like I do, but the fact that you also state you're "tired or dating and want a relationship" makes me think you might be pinning your hopes on the first guy a little too much. Why not go on the date with the second guy? What would it hurt? If you really don't want to, then just tell the second guy that you met someone you really like and think might have a future with and that you wish him good luck. I have thought it over....i have been talking to him for a while but we neve met up. I am just sick of the dating scene. Just wondering if i can tell other guy i am taking a break from dating just in case things dont pan out???
Author justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 You talked about getting tested for STDs ON YOUR FIRST DATE? Who brought up the subject of STD testing, you or he? no the other day. We have known each other for a while, as friends.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I have thought it over....i have been talking to him for a while but we neve met up. I am just sick of the dating scene. Just wondering if i can tell other guy i am taking a break from dating just in case things dont pan out??? You haven't even MET the first guy yet? I don't think it's cool to lie to the second guy so you can keep him as a potential backup in case the first guy doesn't work out. Why not just go on the date with the second guy and then meet the first guy and then decide? Honestly, if someone told me he was "giving dating a break" but kept his profile up and then contacted me again two weeks later, I'd know exactly that he was trying to keep me "in the wings" and would ignore him.
Author justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 after one date he wants proof of an HIV test? also expecting you to not see anyone else after one date is way to demanding IME. something seems off... i'd still go on the date with the new guy. He was asking me, and i asked him the same thing. He is just not the serial dater type. We had spoken months ago, but i was seeing someone else, and he didnt want to intrude.
CrestfallenNoMore Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Also, if the first guy was asking if you were dating anyone else (y'know from an online DATING site) and said he wasn't cool with that, I'd run. So very far away. Not saying he did admonish that behavior but if he did. Yeah.
Author justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 You haven't even MET the first guy yet? I don't think it's cool to lie to the second guy so you can keep him as a potential backup in case the first guy doesn't work out. Why not just go on the date with the second guy and then meet the first guy and then decide? Honestly, if someone told me he was "giving dating a break" but kept his profile up and then contacted me again two weeks later, I'd know exactly that he was trying to keep me "in the wings" and would ignore him. no, no i have met him and i really do like him and were on the same page. I am going to tell second guy, i just feel bad because he really wanted to meet me. I am just not the serial dater type and i am ready to settle down, and i dont think guy # 2 will. He lives 2 hours away with no traffic whereas guy 1 lives 30 minutes away...I am going to tell him but i feel awful
Author justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Also, if the first guy was asking if you were dating anyone else (y'know from an online DATING site) and said he wasn't cool with that, I'd run. So very far away. Not saying he did admonish that behavior but if he did. Yeah. No, he just asked. But i know he doesnt want someone who is open to dating other people, and i dont either to be honest. I mean, when i am dating one person, i dont usually talk to other guys too.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Don't make a decision until you're actually certain you want to date the guy exclusively. Just talking to him doesn't mean that he's the one. Go on the date with the second guy, and if there's no chemistry, it's never too late to tell him it's not working out. Like others have said, never put your egg in one basket. You always have to test drive a car before you ride it. Or that's how the saying goes anyways.
D-Lish Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I wouldn't blow off the other guy if you haven't even MET the first guy yet. I have talked to several guys in the past that I thought I'd be really compatible with. After meeting them in person, there was either zero chemistry or they weren't what they'd claimed to be. You can't put all this certaintly into the fact that you are going to have a relationship with someone you haven't met in person! Keep your options open until you've at least had a couple dates!
2sunny Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 ah geeez, no wonder it's easier and less complicated to take a long needed break from dating! all of this just seems so silly. so much time and energy spent to hardly even SEE guy #1...
CrestfallenNoMore Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 So you both want to be exclusive from date one? Ok. No need to feel awful about telling the second guy you met someone else that you see a future with. It happens all the time.
Author justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 I know lol, but he actually wants to see me 2 days this weekend. Which i hope he does!
Johnny M Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I sent polite messages to everyone (email, text, phone call...depending on where I was in the dating process) to let the other men I had been dating/talking to that I was no longer interested because I had found someone else and decided to be exclusive. It sucked, I felt awful, but it was better than disappearing and being a flake. Did you also tell them about your sociological experiments?
Crazy Magnet Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I think people know when they want to be exclusive at various rates. Go with what works for you. If you feel you are ready to date him and get an HIV test, then do that. Good idea though, for the HIV test. I think everyone should have that discussion BEFORE sex becomes an issue!
Author justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Did you also tell them about your sociological experiments? Experiments?? lol
Author justagirl09 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 I think people know when they want to be exclusive at various rates. Go with what works for you. If you feel you are ready to date him and get an HIV test, then do that. Good idea though, for the HIV test. I think everyone should have that discussion BEFORE sex becomes an issue! I have no problem doing it, it just makes me nervous. Even the slight probability makes me nervous you know. you never know these days, condoms arent 100%
Recommended Posts