OneMoreTry Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Hi people. New here. Let's get down to business.. So me and my ex were together for 2 years. She broke it off a couple days before Thanksgiving of 2009. I was really sad, depressed and I was literally lost. She was my first girlfriend which i really had feelings for (I'm 27 btw). We had arguments here and there over little things. When she broke it off, I did the usual first timer thing. Called, harrassed, stalked her once :/.. lOl... She would tell me to leave her alone, never answered my calls or texts for almost a week... then we started having very breif conversations here and there... things like how are you, what are you doing and that was it. she never gave me a full closure.. she would always promise us that we will enver be apart, that i was her soulmate, that she would never leave me. there were times that i was so fed up that when i tried to leave, she would follow me, chase after me. its been about a month now that weve broken up, and i gave up and left her alone. i gave her her space out of respect, and never bothered her.. i hung out, met new people, went to bars etc.. to keep my mind away from her. and i was actually doing great mentally! ok, well, 2 nights ago, she opened up to me, telling me that she still loves me very much, more than anyone. she said she will never ever get over me and that she was really depressed during thanksgiving, xmas and new years because i wasnt with her (then why didnt she hit me up??). she said i still exist to her and that she can stop the way her heart feels for me. she even went as far as to checking my phone log. (we still have a family plan together with verizon. on the account, u can check who called/text, at what time, but not the content of the text). she says everyday, she is sad because things didnt go right with us. (she also has 2 kids thats not mines, one is 11 and the other is 6). me and the kids get along very well, even to the point where they calls me daddy sometimes. she then started questioning me if i slept with anyone, if i befriended any whores. she constantly keeps saying she never cheated on me. she also said she wanted to hang out this week. what really got me confused is when she said "im sorry for bothering u. i dont wanna ruin your happiness u found without me"... my whole point is that i was doing fine emotionally, now all my feelings are back. dont get me wrong, i will always love her and i do have feelings for her but i was moving on without looking back and i was doing great!... and now this... help me guys.. what should i do???
alphamale Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 she's setting an emotional trap for you...don't go back to her. ignore her calls and texts and move on with your life. her words mean ****, look at her actions
Author OneMoreTry Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 ^ but why would she do that? is it because she knows that ive moved on and shes stuck that she wants to be spiteful and screw with my feelings??
meerkat stew Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Agree with alphamale. If she was so sad about breaking up with you, she would be making real, substantial effort to get you back, not whining for your attention and stringing you along with crumbs. What a selfish person your ex is, she is thinking of no one but herself. She knows full well that jerking you around like this hurts you and puts you back to square one because that's exactly where she wants you, still on the hook while she weans herself off you. Please consider going strict NC with her for 30 days. Then extend 30 days into 60, and I will all but promise you by that time, at the end of 60 days, you will see this person for what she is, selfish and immature. Once you realize that permanent NC forever will be easy.
Author OneMoreTry Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 thanks alot meerkat stew and alphamale. that helped me alot.. but im still confused because i still have feelings for her. im just being honest.
Author OneMoreTry Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 btw, about the phone log thing, she went into it, called all the numbers and gathered up all the female numbers and called them... she said she was devastated... so idk.. this girl is playing with my emotions.. especially at this time cuz i dont need it..
meerkat stew Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 but im still confused because i still have feelings for her. im just being honest. Nothing wrong with that, we've all been there. That's why in breakups, which are the equivalent of a bomb going off in your house, you have to step back, estimate the damage, and only then decide how to proceed. You need a substantial period of NC, months not weeks, going back to business as usual is not fixing things, it isn't allowing you to heal, and isn't allowing her time to miss you and realize that you are completely gone from her life.
boogieboy Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 IOts possible that she broke it off with you and told you to leave her alone because she was with someone else in that time, adn it didnt work out. So she is going back to old reliable. Dont go back to her, she can be alone, and she would only get back with you temprarily. Dont eve talk to her again, her words are pure crap.
OceanTropic Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Well you would have to know why you broke up in the first place. Did she find someone else? Was it over a fight? She obviously tried living without you for a reason, and if she was serious about the breakup, she either came back because she was lonely or couldn't find anyone who treated her as good as you did (maybe even her kids). A lot depends on why you broke up to begin with.
Johnny M Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 ok, well, 2 nights ago, she opened up to me, telling me that she still loves me very much, more than anyone. she said she will never ever get over me and that she was really depressed during thanksgiving, xmas and new years because i wasnt with her (then why didnt she hit me up??). she said i still exist to her and that she can stop the way her heart feels for me. she even went as far as to checking my phone log. (we still have a family plan together with verizon. on the account, u can check who called/text, at what time, but not the content of the text). she says everyday, she is sad because things didnt go right with us. (she also has 2 kids thats not mines, one is 11 and the other is 6). me and the kids get along very well, even to the point where they calls me daddy sometimes. she then started questioning me if i slept with anyone, if i befriended any whores. she constantly keeps saying she never cheated on me. she also said she wanted to hang out this week. what really got me confused is when she said "im sorry for bothering u. i dont wanna ruin your happiness u found without me"... my whole point is that i was doing fine emotionally, now all my feelings are back. dont get me wrong, i will always love her and i do have feelings for her but i was moving on without looking back and i was doing great!... and now this... help me guys.. what should i do??? From what I gather: 1) She does not love you, no matter what she says. 2) She almost certainly cheated on you. 3) She's messing with you because she doesn't want to see you with other women (even though she was the one who left you, she'd much rather see you lonely and depressed then happy and dating another woman). This woman is evil; stay away. Besides, why would you even want to date a single mom? You're only 27.
Author OneMoreTry Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Well you would have to know why you broke up in the first place. Did she find someone else? Was it over a fight? She obviously tried living without you for a reason, and if she was serious about the breakup, she either came back because she was lonely or couldn't find anyone who treated her as good as you did (maybe even her kids). A lot depends on why you broke up to begin with. she didnt find anybody else. shes too busy to be playing around. i know her, her schedule and ways. the reason is because were always fighting over stupid things. shes a really good woman. idk.. maybe im wrong..
Author OneMoreTry Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 From what I gather: 1) She does not love you, no matter what she says. 2) She almost certainly cheated on you. 3) She's messing with you because she doesn't want to see you with other women (even though she was the one who left you, she'd much rather see you lonely and depressed then happy and dating another woman). This woman is evil; stay away. Besides, why would you even want to date a single mom? You're only 27. why? because at one point, i loved her like a fat kid loves food. i know she isnt seeing or was cheating on me. i wouldve known. shes way too busy for that and we was always together. if she was cheating, why would she check the phone log and started asking all kinds of jealousy queations?
Johnny M Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 why? because at one point, i loved her like a fat kid loves food. i know she isnt seeing or was cheating on me. i wouldve known. shes way too busy for that and we was always together. if she was cheating, why would she check the phone log and started asking all kinds of jealousy queations? The fact that she constantly keeps saying that she hasn't cheated on you is a huge red flag. People who act that way usually have a guilty conscience. They are lying ans think you don't believe them, so they keep trying to convince you by repeating the same thing over and over. The fact that she suspects you of cheating and asks jealousy questions is another red flag. It's called projection. As for loving her like a fat kid loves food, that's your problem right there. You became too available, and your value to her plummeted accordingly. Instead of feeling lucky to have an awesome guy by her side, she started feeling burdened by the weight of an average nobody. As twisted as this sounds, this is basic human psychology. Now that you're seeing other women, your value went up again, because it's obvious that you must be worth something if other women want you. So she's all of a sudden interested again. But don't confuse it with love; it's more of a panging doubt on her part. Did she make a mistake by cutting you loose after all? What if she doesn't find a better - or even comparable - replacement?
lordWilhelm Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 It seems to me you sidestepped a lot of trouble down the road. You broke up, time to move on. And get off that family plan!
Author OneMoreTry Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 i texted her and told her that im going to move on without looking back. she said she wanted to hang out this week. im going to leave her alone like what ive been doing until all this.. what should i do if she calls or text and say "lets hang out"?
lordWilhelm Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 If you want to move on, you have to go completely non-contact. That means you ignore her if she calls or texts.
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