nobmagnet Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 :(:(:( just had 2 hours of tears and "why?" from my kids. after a week and a half of my kids phoning him and leaving messages he text promiceing to call them at 6 pm today. 6.15 i text him to prompt. 6.30 i called his parents place. "he is on holiday in prague" hmmm. i ask his parents (who seem to hate me even tho he left me) could you try to get hold of him cuz the kids are going spare. i had to text him again........................nothing. then i get a text at 6.45 asking if its too late to talk to them but before i had a chance to reply he phoned. I had to jump on the phone as I had already made excusess for him being busy. he was sorry and "he would call when he could." Obviously i let them talk to him. i did however say i had had a horrible time because they were in tears..........even my boy waiting. he should never promice stuff he cant or forget to follow as it hurts them. He was in a loud bar in prague. he didnt even step outside for privacy. dunno why im crying. no sodding idea?! is it me?? he has called 10 times since i put my babies to bed.......gonna call agiain as my oldest said i was in bath because she was fed up of hearing it ring. im in tears............i dont know why. i dont want him back. why am i in pain??????????/ ugh nob. sorry
GrayClouds Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Don't be so hard on yourself Nobmag. All this drama is a reminder of what you have lost, all that you have gone through and some of the BS that must be faced in the future. That and mama bear has come out to play and protect her cubs, Have a good cry, let it out and know you are doing just fine.
Author nobmagnet Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 awww ta. still blubbing............how sad is that?????????? aghhhhhhhh hate this nob xxxxxxx
Author nobmagnet Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 update.......thro my taers i forgot to say. He was and promiced to have the kids this weekend.................called to say his holiday dont finish till sunday. WTF.........how do i tell them???????? sh*t how much can i take\?? how muc more can I defend on his behalf and get the fall out??? "its your fault mum. you werent good enough for dad"................. im spent nob
Ronni_W Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) Hey NM. He disappointed your kids, your saw their pain, you're hurting on their behalf. Maybe? And maybe that's why you're in tears? And also this: "its your fault mum. you werent good enough for dad" You're blaming yourself and criticizing your Self as "not good enough" for him. That's inaccurate -- likely that, intellectually, you do realize it is totally inaccurate. But if you have emotions around it that need to be healed/released, I'd encourage you to meet with a therapist. You deserve to be totally free from this type of self-thinking. Only thing to NOT do, IMHO, is to project your self-blame and self-criticism onto your kids -- that is NOT them blaming you or seeing you as "not good enough"...that is you doing that to yourself. Your kids can see your strength, and your dignity, and your courage -- believe me, that is MORE THAN good enough for them. You are their mom, their loving, dignified, brave mom. That's what you're role-modeling and that's how they're seeing you...and that's why they're loving you! Sending hugs, comfort and all else that you need, Ronni Forgot to add. You could try something like: Tell the kids you're not sure what happened but Dad won't be back in town until sometime Sunday. Say that he'll have to explain it himself because you don't know what happened. Ask them how they feel (give them some "emotion words" if necessary -- disappointed, sad, hurt, relieved, angry, starting to lose trust in him, etc.) Suggest that they draw or write about their feelings; let them know that they can express them to you, and assure them that you won't take on their feelings as your own. (They will need you to detach from their emotions so that you can give them comfort, guidance, whatever they need, without you going to pieces, too.) Offer to do something special with them over the weekend. I know it's difficult. Hang in there. Edited January 5, 2010 by Ronni_W
anne1707 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 (((Hugs))) Nobmagnet I know it's hell but this just shows you are so much better off without him. It is rotten how he is treating the kids but they will see that it is their mum who is always there for them, they're not daft Now go open a bottle of red and run yourself a bath
Author nobmagnet Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 awwwwww thank you! had a melt down.. very good advice, i wouldnt have offered that. ( havent yet) i suppose im pissed at him letting them down............again. having to mop tears lie and lie again. ugh nob
Ronni_W Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 having to...lie and lie again. Going to ask it this way: What is compelling you to allow him to turn you into a liar? What are you role-modeling for the kids by lying to them at all, nevermind for something over which you have absolutely zero control? You cannot protect them from his words and actions, NM. You will only drive yourself to despair -- and then past it, to 'crazy'. And you will not be demonstrating the values that you want to teach your kids. Lying is lying, there is no integrity in it. No matter what and how high are your intentions, it's still just lying. And it will be crazy-making if you continue to choose to do it. It is your parental duty to find another way, yes? For ALL your sakes. (And also your responsibility to your own values and who you are as a human being, possibly?) --- Your anger, on behalf of your kids, is perfectly valid. Research 'anger management techniques' and deal with it effectively. Or -- try drawing or journaling it. (Seriously.)
HeavenOrHell Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Aw hun So sorry you're hurting, and NO it isn't you. You are SO better off without him, you can and WILL do so much better than him, you are worth more than this. Talk soon ok xxx
JaneDoe35 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Hey neet, don't lie or cover up for him. Just state the facts in a non accusing manner. 'Dad's holiday does not finish till Sunday'. Hard to say - I know. If he doesn't call, he doesn't call. Don't go out of your way to make certain he speaks to the children. It is his choice. Of course, always make them available when he calls and never prevent them from spending time with him. You don't have to badmouth him but nor do you have to constantly defend him. Let him do that for himself. He is a big boy....haha I feel for you. It is like walking a tightrope while juggling, while drunk. Well that's how it feels for me!!! I keep falling off. Let's just do our best. JD
Recommended Posts