Question

[intuition]

Hello all,

 

I was just wondering about the following things.

 

Here's the situation, I'm a 24 year old Male Robotic Eng. Student. The only time i got a GF was when i was 16 and within a couple of weeks I found out that she only said yes, because her friends told her to say yes, so I broke it off.

 

Ever since then I have been incapable of having a date with a girl. I stopped thinking about girls for 3 years, and restarted about 1 year ago. For some odd reason I am incapable of getting a date, I have a lot of Friends which are females (I think more then guys), but I can never pass that stage for some odd reason.

 

How would you suggest I get to the next level? I know I'm still a student so some girls might see me as financial risk, but I'm studying in the Medical Field of Eng. so they shouldn't worry about the money later on. It's true that I have about 6-8 more years left of schooling.

 

I know some problems are that I analyse to much. I never let any pass by by chance, but do you think that there could be some other cause?

 

Thanks

[babycakes62]

There could be a number of reasons. 1. Physical appearance (of course I have no idea what you look like) 2. Perhaps people don't see you as boyfriend material, I've heard women say this before, could be something about your personality that is puts them off so to speak.

 

I doubt the school things is a huge problem, and usually women our age aren't overly concerned with financial situations (at least I'm not) but maybe other woman are?? I usually don't worry about how much a man makes or will make or what his major is/was. Perhaps other people place more emphasis on this? As for the school I understand to some degree, I've heard men and women often lose their significant others when they go to grad school. I experienced this my first year of grad school.

 

As for why you have basically never had a girlfriend it's really hard to say since I don't know you. The only thing I can think of as physical appearance or personality as detering women. If you disclose more details perhaps I could better help you. Also have you asked your female friends? What do they say?

[intuition]

Thx for the reply.

 

No never asked my friend girls about this, I don't think it would be an appropriate conversation (to shy).

 

For the look area, I do have a nerdy face, and body, but girls have called me cute? Maybe, I don't understand the term cute.

 

Personality wise, I think is the issue. I tend to focus so much on school and career that maybe the girl thinks I don't care about her. But then again when they tell me something most for example today I went to work and a girl had told me 3 months ago that an anime named XYZ looked really interesting. (I had shown interest in that anime), but i was gone for a business trip for 2 months, then we had the xmas vacation. So this was my first day back at work where i live. Ofcourse, i didn't forget about what she said so i downloaded a copy and gave it to her.

 

So how to summarise this, I care about people, but I tend to not show it very much. (I think that's a good summary)

 

Do girls really want to be shown affection? Or can they underline it?

[babycakes62]

Well first off being gone for a business trip for 2 months would make any kind of relationship difficult to sustain. Most women don't want to be that woman who sits at home and waits for her bf or husband to return, even if it does mean a nice financial life. Perhaps focus less on school and career and more on relationships. Find a balance? If that is what you want. While you seem like a nice person, giving someone a downloaded copy of some anime 3 months later probably didn't send up a red flag that you like her. As for your shyness that could explain your lack of a relationship as well.

 

I think people show care in different ways. As for if women really want to be shown affection I think most women would say yes. Do you have difficulty showing affection? I supose it would be difficult to postulate considering you've never had a relationship. Perhaps you are just not trying hard enough. Sometimes it is important to put yourself out there and just ask someone out.

 

As for your appearance I think attractiveness is largely subjective. You said you are nerdy looking, not sure what that means but it doesn't mean no one is attracted to you. (Most of my boyfriends were described as nerdy looking IE really skinny and I guess not altra masculine?) Have you ever persued a woman, asked her out and whatnot? Do you really want a real relationship? What kind of women do you ask out, assuming you ask women out? What are your expectations? I think answering these questions may help. These are just some opinions and possibilities I am offereing, mere suggestions. I'm not so great in this department myself, though I have had a few boyfriends, so I'm not sure how qualified I am to speak on this matter. I've been single for 8 months with nothing promising on the horizon. I find it hard to find someone I can connect with and who values what I value. I'm trying to say it's not easy dating and I think I can understand to some degree how you may feel as I don't get many offers myself. I am mostly speaking here from personal experience or things I have heard/read.

[intuition]

Do you have difficulty showing affection?

Yes, it's not that I have no affection. I just don't want to show since I'm shy and I try not to take to many risks in this sector. (I'm someone very scientific) therefor I calculate a lot of plans, and since my chances are currently almost null, I tend to take very small steps at a time. I'm not saying that I would never show any affection, I'm just saying that I'm pretty slow at opening up to someone. ( Maybe they don't like that ).

 

(Most of my boyfriends were described as nerdy looking IE really skinny and I guess not altra masculine?)

Yes, I'm extremely skinny, and I had glasses (5.11 and 137 pds).

 

Have you ever persued a woman, asked her out and whatnot?

Yes, I have sometimes I would ask them like 2-3 times, for example the last one. I asked her out before my trip asking if she wanted to go out when I returned, and she said "sure", we kept in contact almost everyday, but when I got back it seems like it completely changed. She told me to text me when I got back home to plan out something, but when I text her she never msged me back, then she commented something on Facebook so I asked her why she never replied my msg. She said she never received it, and asked what the message was. So I told her what the message was She never answered the question again), she just changed topic.

 

Do you really want a real relationship?

Yes, well I think it all depends. For me a relationship is someone you can share with.

 

What kind of women do you ask out, assuming you ask women out?

I asked intelligent girls, but maybe I try to go out with the wrong type of girls. I tend to ask girls who are really focused on there careers or studies just like me.

 

What are your expectations?

Not sure, I guess I would expect a yes from one of them.

[babycakes62]

It sounds like you aren't doing anything wrong. I honestly can't think of why you aren't doing as well as you'd like in the dating area. As for that woman, it sounds like she isn't interested but is trying to be nice, which honestly I don't understand why a lot of women tend to do that. I try to be nice but direct. I don't think I can be of much help to you, sorry, since I actually seem to be in a similar situation, I've only been asked for a date about 4 times in the past 6-7 months. I'm focused on grad school and a future career myself and I'm not much for the bar scene. I really can't think of why a woman wouldn't be interested in you, you aren't overweight, you seem to be a nice person who is intelligent. You also seem pretty reasonable and down to earth. I can't figure out why there wouldn't be some women who are interested in you. It's difficult to say sometimes, perhaps a lot of people don't value the things you'd expect them to?

[intuition]

Hmm, maybe. BTW what do you study. (Email me if you rather not say it on the forum) [email protected]