mnm Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 It's been several months since I posted, haven't really needed to. Things have been going phenomenal! It's amazing how far we have come in short period of time. I'm sure most remember my story, H had an EA same old same old, finally got closure and since then things are great. Our 13 wedding anniversary was perfect and Christmas was amazing. Our love seems strong. He treats me like a queen again and are extremely close. Here is why I'm back. It was this month a year ago when things started going so bad between us and I began to suspect something was happening. I have been doing really well dealing with it. We have had a lot of deep conversations about how things went bad and how well we communicate now and how our love for each other is strong. The other night for some reason EVERYTHING came back full force in my head. I had dreams like a rerun of what happened especially the night of my DV. When I woke up and ever since then it feels like I'm back where I was a year ago. I'm having anxiety attacks and so stressed out. I haven't said anything to my H b/c its hard to. He knows something is wrong, just don't want to hurt him. Old feelings and thinking he wasn't 100% honest are cropping up again! I've dealt with all of this and pushed it aside and have been at peace Not sure what to do. Is it my mind just reliving this, will it pass? I've worked on changing my thoughts and have to a certain extent, but am still stressed. Any feedback? Doing so well until after the holidays were over.
Snowflower Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 ueen again and are extremely close. The other night for some reason EVERYTHING came back full force in my head. I had dreams like a rerun of what happened especially the night of my DV. . Sorry, what does 'DV' mean? Perhaps because you are now at the one year mark now of where everything went bad (last year) that is bringing up some triggers and bad memories and making you feel as you do now. I would talk to your H about what you are feeling.
Author mnm Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Domestic violence. I smacked him around first and then we got into it hitting each other. His family called the police b/c they thought he would get charges, I was the one who did. I may talk to him, when timing is right. He knows something is bothering me and is very in tune to me, too in tune sometimes.
reboot Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 It's quite normal. It's only been a year. Did you really think the pain would be over so soon? Tell your husband about these feelings. Share, share, share. He just needs to be extra special nice to you and it should pass quickly.
Author mnm Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 THanks, I was doing really well. Things are going good. I had a tough time at Thanksgiving b/c I opened up the paper and the OW is getting divorced, I got scared. But he has always said that it was never love, just a massive mistake on his part for letting things go too far. Also, one of my friends happened to talk to this W and got the inside scoop and everything my H told me jived with what she told my friend. I didn't tell anyone what was said the night he and I had our breakthrough and I found my peace.
Snowflower Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Domestic violence. I smacked him around first and then we got into it hitting each other. His family called the police b/c they thought he would get charges, I was the one who did. I may talk to him, when timing is right. He knows something is bothering me and is very in tune to me, too in tune sometimes. That's what I thought you meant. Thanks for clarifying. I know what you mean about the being in tune emotionally...almost too much so sometimes. It's a good thing actually; it means you and your H have reached a new level of understanding of one another. I think your bad feelings and emotional upset will pass soon.
Author mnm Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 It IS a good thing, a wonderful thing, Sunflower. Sometimes stifiling. I used to be the one to be that way more than he. During one of our talks, I asked him how I/we can be sure that this never happens again, not just what he did but us falling apart. He looks at me straight in the eyes and grabs my hands and says "Because we are doing this, we're talking". This is coming from a man that until all this happened wouldn't open up about much and wouldn't communicate about our issues. This is helping so much. I am done with IC b/c I've crossed all the barriers and she is so happy for me. Just need input once in a while and don't want to bother my friends. Here I can say things and people understand.
Spark1111 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Be kind to yourself and be kind to your spouse. But talk, talk, talk about it. Also, maybe you quit IC a bit prematurely, IMHO. One year is kind of soon to be over it. What you are experiencing is very normal. Don't beat yourself up for it, please. I've read, the norm to FULLY recover from an affair, with both partners investing 100% into the relationship, is 2.5 to 5 years. So, it's okay to feel what you are feeling. It's a process and it can take some time.
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