famke Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I had some sort ephifany this morning. I woke up and read a response of sean1970 on a other thread I started. ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t215516/) I was really angry at my ex (yeah, i said WAS) when i started that thread and I was talking about an apology from him because he bailed on me and threated me so cold and rude when we broke up. sean1970 then posted this: Why should someone be sorry for the way they feel/don't feel? It is the breadcrumbs, selfish attempts to keep us close, and lies that most dumpers should be sorry for; not the lack of feelings or the breakup itself. I started to cry when i read that. not because I thought sean was being mean or something, because he wasn't, but because it was the truth i needed to see. I was so mad at my ex for not contacting me, when actually he was just letting me go, setting me free. then I started thinking about forgiveness. forgiving yourself, but also forgiving your ex. I think this is the key to acceptance and moving on. guys, we have to forgive to let go. by really forgiving them and ourself we can go on and live on. remember we're all only human. we make mistakes, love someone and the change. whatever they did, how bad they have hurted you, let it go right now. do it for yourself. today I had a great day. I felt free after months. I'm just hoping that feeling will last. The Heart Of The Matter - india arie [originally performed by Don Henley] I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear But I knew that it would come An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone She said you found someone And I thought of all the bad luck, And all the struggles we went through How I lost me and you lost you What are these voices outside love's open door Make us throw off our contentment And beg for something more? I've been learning to live without you now But I miss you sometimes The more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter But my will gets weak And my thoughts seem to scatter But I think it's about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore These times are so uncertain There's a yearning undefined And people filled with rage We all need a little tenderness How can love survive in such a graceless age And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness They're the very things we kill, I guess Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms And the work they put between us, You know it doesn't keep us warm I've been trying to live without you now But I miss you, baby The more I know, the less I understand And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter But my will gets weak And my heart is so shattered But I think it's about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore All the people in your life who've come and gone They let you down, you know they hurt your pride Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside I wanna be happily everafter And my heart is so shattered But I know it's about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if you don't love me anymore I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter Because the flesh will get weak And the ashes will scatter So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness Forgiveness Even if you don't love me anymore Even if you don't love me anymore http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEFWuBAaCHU&feature=related
mickleb Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Well done, lady. You learn quickly. I think I may be there but, then, I still think he's a f*cking idiot! One day, I'll just wish him the very best as another human being on this planet (and that day will come after months of not, actually, thinking about him at all.) Happy 2010. x
DenverBachelor Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 then I started thinking about forgiveness. forgiving yourself, but also forgiving your ex. I think this is the key to acceptance and moving on. guys, we have to forgive to let go. by really forgiving them and ourself we can go on and live on. remember we're all only human. we make mistakes, love someone and the change. whatever they did, how bad they have hurted you, let it go right now. do it for yourself. Great post and I'll also add that don't feel inferior if you're dumped. A lot of people get into relationships to plug insecurities and sometimes you can't plug it any more for whatever reason. People are complex. You just need to accept that relationships -- 99% of relationships eventually fail for one reason or another. Sometimes we do the breaking up, sometimes we get kicked to the curb. You just have to take the relationship at face value and realize it is a growing experience. Even in your 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's -- it is a growing experience. And don't ever discount what you did for them. Don't ever play that off.
dazzle22 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Great post! Forgiveness is the way we can set ourselves free. It is like the monkey clasping the peanut in the narrow jar, and he can't escape because he won't unclench his fist. Once he drops the peanut, he is ...free. (hard to do sometimes though!)
drew86 Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 It is like the monkey clasping the peanut in the narrow jar, and he can't escape because he won't unclench his fist. Once he drops the peanut, he is ...free. (hard to do sometimes though!) Great analogy!
Kic Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Don't forget Forgiveness' favorite comrade: Forgive and...Forget! After forgiveness, you'll find yourself thinking of them less and less. You'll never really forget, of course, but the memories will no longer occupy your whole day.
blinded Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I agree. Even though some of our ex's don't deserve forgiveness, it's in out best interest to do so. I told my ex that I don't hate. In my heart he is forgiven. I don't know if he wants to be forgiven, if he cares whether or not he is, or even if he feels he doesn't deserve to be forgiven. He has gone strict NC on me. It doesn't matter anymore. I need to let go and try and forgive myself for my actions. Thanks for the post.
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