confusedmuch Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I met this guy online and after talking for a little while we met up and hit it off. We've gone out again since then and after the second meeting, before it was over, he asked me out again. He was also sure to tell me during the second meetup what he really liked about me, etc. He also kissed me at the end. But he never initiates calling or texting me. I don't have a problem initiating ...but all the time? I've never had this before while seeing someone especially in the beginning stages. Normally, the guys I see at least text or call me once a day. So... is it possible he's just not clingy or obsessive and simply has no problem giving me lots of space but is still very interested in me? Or is something else maybe up?
New Again Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 How much time elapsed between the first date and the second? If you've only been on two dates there is no reason for you two to be in contact every single day. At this point I would limit communication to mostly just setting up the next date.
Author confusedmuch Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 I would say about a week and a half between first date and second. And really? limiting communication to just setting up dates?
Simon Attwood Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I think you're being a little bit anxious prematurely and unnecessarily. Some guys just aren't big callers unless they actually have something to say.
phineas Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Before texting became popular I didn't call a woman between dates unless it was concerning the date. I would honestly get annoyed if they bugged me between dates because i'm not the type to just sit around the house. If i'm home i'm probably doing some kind of project. On the other hand, if they were bugging me i'd know they were into me & I would slow play it to drive them crazy with desire on purpose. It usually worked very well for me.
New Again Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I would say about a week and a half between first date and second. And really? limiting communication to just setting up dates? Yeah, if this guy is someone that you didn't know before you started dating, then for the first few dates, like at least the first 3, MOST communication should just be setting up the next date. Not chatting on the phone for no reason, or chatting on the internet for an hour at a time, or having a text marathon.
betamanlet Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Note how the drama involved keeps her interest level up.
meerkat stew Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I don't call or text to chat between early dates, may send a random flirty text or two after several (> 3) dates, but not always. The flake and rudeness factors are so high these days, lots of guys handle it by making early interaction with a woman entirely a binary "yes or no to a date invitation" proposition.
lecasanova Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 he probably has something fishy going on, the way i see it. it would only make sense in a situation like yours to contact you at least once a day. but do be wary, guys don't like to be the one initiating too often too though!
BWLoca Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 If you don't like the fact that he never initiates, then stop initiating. I met my current b/f online and he's initiated contact practically every day since we first emailed each other.
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 (edited) I met this guy online and after talking for a little while we met up and hit it off. We've gone out again since then and after the second meeting, before it was over, he asked me out again. He was also sure to tell me during the second meetup what he really liked about me, etc. He also kissed me at the end. But he never initiates calling or texting me. I don't have a problem initiating ...but all the time? I've never had this before while seeing someone especially in the beginning stages. Normally, the guys I see at least text or call me once a day. So... is it possible he's just not clingy or obsessive and simply has no problem giving me lots of space but is still very interested in me? Or is something else maybe up? I was actually in a very similar situation as you not too long ago, except flipped, where I wasn’t sure why the woman didn’t contact me after initiating all of the texting/calling, basically from the point she had my phone number going forward (I made the first phone call after she sent me her number via e-mail). I'm going to vouch for my gender here/give the guy the benefit of the doubt and say that he is probably giving you space. If he hasn’t at least tried to contact you once, then give him some space and see if he tries after a while. If he doesn’t, you have your answer. If he does initiate contact (call/text), make sure you respond within a reasonable amount of time. If the guy is truly giving you space, then he contacts you and you don't respond (even if you have a legit reason for not getting back to him within a reasonable timeframe), that could be seen as a loss in interest, which would cause the guy to move on. Edited January 6, 2010 by MyNameIsJonas Clarification
sagetalk Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Why in the world would he call you every day if you've only dated a few times and kissed once. This guy sounds like a smart guy to me. If he called you everyday after a few dates, I'd say there is something wrong with him.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I'd rather the guy be the initiator on contact - it lets me know his interest level. I've been seeing the guy I'm dating for 5 months and I'd say at this point, he still does about 80% of the contact. I don't think this guy is THAT into you if he's not initiating. That's just my take from past experience.
TheLoneSock Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I'd rather the guy be the initiator on contact - it lets me know his interest level. I've been seeing the guy I'm dating for 5 months and I'd say at this point, he still does about 80% of the contact. I don't think this guy is THAT into you if he's not initiating. That's just my take from past experience. So what do you do, and what does he have to go on to determine your interest level?
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 So what do you do, and what does he have to go on to determine your interest level? With the particular guy I'm dating, he has a very demanding job and is the primary caregiver to his 3 children. So part of allowing him to contact ME is also respect for his time. But what do I do? Well, let's see - because it's easier to get time together, I make the 2-hour drive to see him when we have dates. He did the majority of the driving at the beginning. I pretty much always have time to talk to him when he does make contact (my job is not very demanding). He gets my attention, and plenty of "interest." In addition - I don't have a problem with shooting dirty or flirty texts his direction (he loves it). And to boot - I love giving him oral. Is that enough, TLS?
TheLoneSock Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 With the particular guy I'm dating, he has a very demanding job and is the primary caregiver to his 3 children. So part of allowing him to contact ME is also respect for his time. But what do I do? Well, let's see - because it's easier to get time together, I make the 2-hour drive to see him when we have dates. He did the majority of the driving at the beginning. I pretty much always have time to talk to him when he does make contact (my job is not very demanding). He gets my attention, and plenty of "interest." In addition - I don't have a problem with shooting dirty or flirty texts his direction (he loves it). And to boot - I love giving him oral. Is that enough, TLS? Lol, just making sure.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Lol, just making sure. NP. I have no problem letting somebody know I care about them when I really, really do. I just think initial pursuit should be up to the guy, IMO...relating to the OP.
Recommended Posts