what2do2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I have been married for two year but together a lot longer since leaving school. I'm jst unhappy, my husband is still in love with me i just dont feel the same, hes not a bad man, i just cant tell him how i feel im gutless.
LisaUk Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 What2do? Remember how you used to feel, remember why you loved him, think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed, then honour the promises you made and talk to him. Go MC, whatever it takes, but believe me when I say the grass is not always greener, if you don't solve your issues and inablity to deal with conflict and relationship problems in this marriage you will only have to in the next, b/c NO ONE is perfect. It is possible for you to love him again with some help on how to work things out with a good MC, but you have to try dear.
D Day Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 say something before it is to late my husband didn't say anything to me now we are separated and he is giving me mixed emotions thry to fix it NOW before u are married 13 years like me and then it is a SLAP in the face.
Author what2do2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Thank you guys, i am in termoil over this. I am a bit of a push over and let things that hurt me or annoy me build up inside then we have a big arguement. Like i said he is a good man good dad would never cheat or be violent, but expects to be with me 24 7 when hes home and always do things his way and when he wants, hes boring never wants to go anywere and do anything i work hard to get him everything he wants, latest boys toys tattoos nights out etc, but when its my turn nothing happens, he picks on the things i enjoy, we wants sex all the time, and when i say im not in the mood he sulks like a baby. he always gropes me and gets in my way when im trying to do stuff round the house, i cant even get a bath in peace. i like peace and quiet every once in a while, hes messy and will never admit anything is his fault, we have arguements mostly about sex we make a pact to make an effort to change, and i try really hard, he does for a few days then goes back to how is was before, i feel like these are pathetic little things but they all add up dont they?
LisaUk Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) Sometimes it takes a really big shock for someone to realise the effect they are having on you. See thing is there is always two sides to the story for example suppose this is what is happening, Your H wants sex b/c he wants to be intimate with you, partly b/c he wants sex, but also partly b/c he wants to be close to you, to share that intimacy with his wife. You don't want sex b/c you feel undervalued, unappreciated, your tired. He hears, "I am undesirable by my own wife, why I am not wanted, does she not know I love her" so he pushes for intimacy some more and so the cycle continues. Now I am not saying that THIS is what is happening in your marriage, but merely as a way to demonstarte how things can come across one way to each of you and how things can deteriate without open honest communication. Sometimes, when things have gotten to the stage they have with your M it is time ot think about getting professional help to help you navigate your way through it. These things like you said all seem tiny, but to you are massive b/c they are add up in your mind to make something bigger than what they are. My advice is to lay it on the line to your H, tell him you want MC, you're not happy, you want to try and work it out, but otherwise you are gone. If you have said this a lot in the past then it may actually take you leaving before he realises and agrees to MC. BUT PLEASE give him the opportunity to try and resolve things with you. I was left by my fiance of 18 years, a few weeks after we finally set the date to marry. I was not aware he had any problems with me what so ever. When I asked why he did not give me the chance to try and work things out with him first he gave a number of reasons. He couldn't be bothered, he didn't love me as much as he used to, it was too much effort, he was afraid, he didn't think we had ever been compatible, we were different people and should be true to ourseleves. After 18 years together, do you think it was fair of him to put me on the street, with no job, no income, no home when I hadn't done anything wrong intentionally and was unaware of how he had been feeling (he never told me), b/c he couldn't be bothered? PLEASE try and remember that maybe your H does not know, despite you telling him, how unhappy you are and please at least give it a shot to try and repair things between you. I can't describe how much it hurts to be left. It's been 10 months for me and I still cry every day. I know you are hurting too right now, but what if someone told you, you could feel the way you used to about your H with a little bit of hard work from both of you? Because you can if you're both willing. EDIT-I just wanted to add that it sounds like you realise the part you are playing in your relationship problems, you say you realise you let things bottle up to the point where you explode, but what you haven't addressed is how you are going to work on this issue? See, if you deal with it by leaving your M, have you dealt with it? WHat happens when you meet someone else and things aren't good? No one os perfect, not matter who you are with there is going to be some issues. Edited January 5, 2010 by LisaUk
Author what2do2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 thanks for the advice, i will try to do what you have said, i thinks its time i told him how unhappy i really am instead of brushing over the cracks i will try and be strong and not just give in stick to my guns and finally say if things dont change for good then we will have to seperate
LisaUk Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 thanks for the advice, i will try to do what you have said, i thinks its time i told him how unhappy i really am instead of brushing over the cracks i will try and be strong and not just give in stick to my guns and finally say if things dont change for good then we will have to seperate I'm so pleased to hear that you are willing to give it a shot before leaving. To make this time different from all the others though, to make sure things change you need to find a different way of addressing the problems from the ones you have tried before. Like you said, things change for a while then go back to how they were. Do you think MC would help? What do you plan to suggest to really work this out this time?
bestplayer Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 thanks for the advice, i will try to do what you have said, i thinks its time i told him how unhappy i really am instead of brushing over the cracks i will try and be strong and not just give in stick to my guns and finally say if things dont change for good then we will have to seperate a very obvious question u need to ask urself are u in love with him ? u need to say each & every thing u feel , without getting upset . Its really important he needs to know that u r unhappy .
Recommended Posts