I only seem to be able to feel sexual attraction to very good looking guys

[AD1980]

Think of it this way. Like most people on this board, you are likely an American who was born into a middle class family. This means that compared to like 80% of the world's population, you were born into a life of unimaginable luxury, which is something you had absolutely nothing to do with. If you were born in Sudan or some other third world sh*thole, you'd be eating camel dung right and b!tching about being born in the wrong country.

 

Let's face it: life isn't fair. That is just the nature of things. You have to play the cards that were given to you and not worry about the folks who were born with a hand full of aces.

 

Oh i know it could always be worse it just sucks how much easier it is for good looking people..

 

I feel even if i evnetually land a women i will be a "settle" and shell always look for the better deal eventually..

[Johnny M]

Oh i know it could always be worse it just sucks how much easier it is for good looking people..

 

I feel even if i evnetually land a women i will be a "settle" and shell always look for the better deal eventually..

Yeah and being good looking and rich is even easier.....and being good looking and rich and famous is easier still.

 

The bottom line is that you need to understand your limitations and go for women that you can realistically attract. Fantasizing about what life would have been if you were more good looking is not going to get you anywhere other than making you even more miserable.

[MeganDoll]

Only a few percent of Men are actually good looking i guess we have some ugly people breeding these days:mad: All women want HOT men but allot have settle because theyres so few

 

Its so sad all my married freinds are with average guys they arent attracted to but couldnt do better because of the lack of hot guys,they have to picture someobdy else while havign sex with them

[AD1980]

Yeah and being good looking and rich is even easier.....and being good looking and rich and famous is easier still.

 

The bottom line is that you need to understand your limitations and go for women that you can realistically attract. Fantasizing about what life would have been if you were more good looking is not going to get you anywhere other than making you even more miserable.

 

Oh believe me im not looking for 9's or 10s just a girl im somewhat attracted to but it seems even average women today refuse to "settle" for men on their level...

 

To be honest if im incapable of getting a women im attratced to on a physical level even a ltitle at id rather be alone the rest of my life..

[AD1980]

Only a few percent of Men are actually good looking i guess we have some ugly people breeding these days:mad: All women want HOT men but allot have settle because theyres so few

 

Its so sad all my married friends are with average guys they arent attracted to but couldnt do better because of the lack of hot guys,they have to picture someobdy else while havign sex with them

 

Thats cool no matter how "hot" u maybe the Man you're with is probably already tired of you,all men picture another face while having sex a few months in no matter how good looking a women is..

 

Im sure that wont bother you since women are such secure creatures:D

[meerkat stew]

Only a few percent of Men are actually good looking i guess we have some ugly people breeding these days:mad: All women want HOT men but allot have settle because theyres so few

 

Its so sad all my married freinds are with average guys they arent attracted to but couldnt do better because of the lack of hot guys,they have to picture someobdy else while havign sex with them

 

Well the really hot ones are off on a private jet somewhere, not hanging out on your street corner looking for a "date."

 

J/K. Your honesty about such things is much appreciated.

[burning 4 revenge]

This is why i dont even approach women and accept my fate of loneliness..

 

These women have such high standards that they find only the top few percent guys hot..

 

Even if by some miracle i got 1 decent looking looking women out of a thousand that would reject me shed evnetually leave because she wouldnt be satisfied by an averge or below average guy and would take the next hot thign that came her way..

 

I appreciate the honesty by women in this thread though a great deal that they only lust after really hot guys rather then be told fluff that looks arent extremely important when they clearly are and just have confidence and women will liek you and other bs blah blah blah

Most women would rather share and fight over highly desirable men than have an average man to themselves

 

If youre rather average and want my advice Id suggest you look at women older than you, uglier than you and poorer than you ...the kind of woman you yourself probably could never love...and if shes beneath you and you can never lover her then maybe she'll love you

[thegreatmoose]

Only a few percent of Men are actually good looking i guess we have some ugly people breeding these days:mad: All women want HOT men but allot have settle because theyres so few

 

Its so sad all my married freinds are with average guys they arent attracted to but couldnt do better because of the lack of hot guys,they have to picture someobdy else while havign sex with them

Very interesting. I'm at least 6 feet tall. Does that qualify?

 

What peercent of women are good looking accoring to you? Are you among them? If so, why?

[burning 4 revenge]

I agree with this 100%.

 

That said, you really have little control over what/who you are attracted to. What you can do is be a bit more open minded and focus less on the external parts and more on the internal parts.

 

At least in my case, that is what helped sway my opinion on several women I wasn't initially attracted to.

 

 

 

Agreed. Her best bet right now is get her hormones in check before going on out dates and meeting guys. When your needs are being met (in one way or another) you're better apt to look at people for WHO they are and not WHAT they are

I kind of admire her superficiality

 

At least its honest. Unlike church or politics or late night informercials or internet dating-advice manuals

[AD1980]

Most women would rather share and fight over highly desirable men than have an average man to themselves

 

If youre rather average and want my advice Id suggest you look at women older than you, uglier than you and poorer than you ...the kind of woman you yourself probably could never love...and if shes beneath you and you can never lover her then maybe she'll love you

 

I cant do that..I dont have high standards at all i just have to be somewhat attracted to the girl,if im not id rather be alone..

[Johnny M]

Oh believe me im not looking for 9's or 10s just a girl im somewhat attracted to but it seems even average women today refuse to "settle" for men on their level...

The I guess you shouldn't be looking for 8s, 7s or 6s either. Or get rich and find a trophy wife who would care more about the size of your wallet than she would about your looks.

[burning 4 revenge]

The I guess you shouldn't be looking for 8s, 7s or 6s either. Or get rich and find a trophy wife who would care more about the size of your wallet than she would about your looks.

If I ever get rich....and I seriously doubt I will...theres no way Im going to share it with some woman

[AD1980]

The I guess you shouldn't be looking for 8s, 7s or 6s either. .

 

 

I cant do that,i have to find the girl somewhat attratcive or id rather be alone.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Cognac and all bitter guys, I have resigned myself to staying single forever if I can't get who I want. I will have a baby and raise it myself if I am still signle after 35. I do not need to wake up every morning to a man I feel no desire for just so I would be married and considered "normal".

 

Frankly, there is nothing worse to me than mundane companionship of some guy that I am not in love with. I need passion and fire and hot sex to feel alive and happy.

 

As for gym, I meant hitting the gym more than I currently am. And botox works best as a preventative measure against wrinkles. Once you get them, it doesn't do all that much.

[SadandConfusedWA]

b4r seems to understand me

[SadandConfusedWA]

I have a question for shadowplay: how does your current bf compare to your ex in purely superficial terms of physical appearance?

[bwidger]

no, you will end up leading a sad and lonely life if you stay so focused on looks alone... there are SO MANY other wonderful qualities that people possess, but if all you can see is their looks then I'm sorry to say but you are pretty shallow... I know I sound like I'm being a beoch but I really want you to change this... looks come and go... it's the inner qualities that matter in the long run. I think you will pull out of this though... 31 is pretty young and you still have a lot of growing to do...

 

I'm starting to feel this way. In the past I was very concentrated on looks because I always thought I was above average myself. All the way up to my 20s girls usually said I was attractive, etc (I didn't date much back then because emotional issues). However, now all the sudden I'm starting to notice I'm losing some of my hair, I'm getting older and I'm realizing how much humans in general thrive off bonding and relationships.

 

So how would I rate myself now? Probably a 6 or 7 but not sure. I've been rejected so much lately that it has seriously began to dawn on me how important feeling connected with someone truly is. Still, I won't lie, I don't think I could date under a 5 in my view, so I am not saying I've reached some major physical alteration of preference either. All I'm saying is that I'll date someone two leagues under me if they make me emotionally content and happy by who they are on the inside.

 

We are all attracted to beauty. What is amazing is how beauty can be seen differently in the arts and in other ways but is more narrowed in attraction with people (often we agree we are attracted to higher levels of beauty with people unlike arts, etc [i suppose these are two seperate things however]). blah blah blah...

 

It's kind of BS when you think about it because everything with regard to having a successful and satisfied relationship seems so unlikely with our expectations. I would love to say it's preference whether people choose looks over personality but I'm not really sure. I know I still am attracted to "hot" people but if their personality is crappy then it won't work. Perhaps it's best to accept it for what it is? blah, idk...

Edited January 6, 2010 by bwidger

[shadowplay]

I have a question for shadowplay: how does your current bf compare to your ex in purely superficial terms of physical appearance?

 

My ex was cuter, although he lost some hair and gained some weight while we were together, so probably dropped a bit. When I met him he was pretty hot.

 

My current boyfriend is somewhat cute, probably like a 6. I'm attracted to him because of his personality/aura, though, and that definitely increases the physical attraction. Sometimes, I'll be honest, I wish he were hotter. Then again if he were he probably wouldn't be as cool/nice and into me. It's a double aged sword.

 

His brother is very hot, but turned out kind of an ass in part (I would assume) because he was always Mr. Popular, Prom King, etc.

 

I think it's difficult to find a very hot guy who's also kind, considerate and has all the other right personality traits down. And who's not taken.

[MissJoness]

Shadow, I feel bad for you... Because even if you marry the hottest guy alive, a couple years down the road when his looks begin to fade, you're going to think you've settled. Beauty will always fade. ALWAYS.

 

You like when men adore you for YOUR internals, but you can't give them the same. You're way, way, way, way too focused on the superficial/external parts of people.

With the availability of plastic surgery etc and how easy it is to get it, ppl are staying attractive much longer nowadays. I plan on getting my nose done, some implants in my cheeks and when I start to get wrinkles I will defintely be getting botox the minute one pops up on my face.

 

I have to try really really hard to get noticed by the hottest guys. I did at one point. I had to literally starve myself down to a size 4, and I had the right hairstyle, lightened my skin to the right shade. But after awhile I couldn't keep it up and went back to a size 9, and the skin lightener that I used stopped working and I got dark again

[thegreatmoose]

To sum it up, I am only capable of feeling "the spark" with men that are completly hot and thus out of my league. Sigh. Help?

 

if I had outgoing, bubbly personality my looks would be enough to get guys I want, but unfortinately my personality is the opposite of that. So I will now work on bettering my looks.

You shouldn't settle, but if you eliminate most guys based on looks, it's going to be difficult.

 

You can also make some changes in your personality. If you could work on being more outgoing, this could make it at least somewhat easier.

[Sam Spade]

Think of it this way. Like most people on this board, you are likely an American who was born into a middle class family. This means that compared to like 80% of the world's population, you were born into a life of unimaginable luxury, which is something you had absolutely nothing to do with.

 

 

Actually, I'm convinced that the above is the key reason why dating is such a mess in the US - everything comes so easy, and people are so used to taking it for granted, that such expectations are extended to forming and maintaining relationships. As in - getting something extremely luxurious for no effort at all (or very low price). But what have you personally done to deserve it?

 

People in the rest of the world understand much better that life - and relationships - are hard (and thus don't throw hissy fits the second things don't go their way, but make do with whatever they have).

[meerkat stew]

Actually, I'm convinced that the above is the key reason why dating is such a mess in the US - everything comes so easy, and people are so used to taking it for granted, that such expectations are extended to forming and maintaining relationships. As in - getting something extremely luxurious for no effort at all (or very low price). But what have you personally done to deserve it?

 

People in the rest of the world understand much better that life - and relationships - are hard (and thus don't throw hissy fits the second things don't go their way, but make do with whatever they have).

 

Really insightful, couldn't agree more.

[Still_Looking]

I hate to sound so superficial but it is what it is. I have always considered myself to not be able to be attracted (physically) to many men at all. I never really saw a pattern in why that is until few days ago.

 

At that point I haven't felt "butterflies" or attraction to anyone in a very long time. Anyway, I went out with a group of mostly guys and most of whom I have never met before. This group seems to be into gym and are all very well built. They were all tall and had incredible faces too (at least 3 of them did). They were playfully flirting with me, giving me hugs, kisses on the lips and cheek, some touching etc. Their personalities are blah though, they come across as very immature and not overly intelligent so none of them are even viable dating options. But I felt strongly physically attracted to 3 of them (even despite their personalities). I don't think any were into me, they were just joking around.

 

Anyhow, I thought of my past, and all the guys that I was strongly into are very hot (with the exception of my boss who is very average but I think that the power differential there turns me on).

 

The real problem with this is i) While I am somewhat above average looking, I am simply not hot enough to keep their (hot guy's) interest and ii) Those guys usually lack depth, intelligence and emotional maturity. And in the case that a guy had both, looks AND personality, then he would be even MORE out of my reach.

 

I went on countless dates with average looking guys over the years. I try to force myself to keep going out with them, but they completly fail to excite me on a physical level. And without that "spark", seeing them quickly becomes a chore.

 

To sum it up, I am only capable of feeling "the spark" with men that are completly hot and thus out of my league. Sigh. Help?

 

I know exactly how you feel. The exact same thing always happens to me! I'm still yet to date because I'm attracted to guys who so far are out of my league looks wise, and I try so hard to feel the same way about average looking guys, but I never feel that "spark" I really can't wait for the day I stop being so bloody superficial!! Anyone know of a way to change my mindset??