I only seem to be able to feel sexual attraction to very good looking guys

January 5, 2010

I hate to sound so superficial but it is what it is. I have always considered myself to not be able to be attracted (physically) to many men at all. I never really saw a pattern in why that is until few days ago.

At that point I haven't felt "butterflies" or attraction to anyone in a very long time. Anyway, I went out with a group of mostly guys and most of whom I have never met before. This group seems to be into gym and are all very well built. They were all tall and had incredible faces too (at least 3 of them did). They were playfully flirting with me, giving me hugs, kisses on the lips and cheek, some touching etc. Their personalities are blah though, they come across as very immature and not overly intelligent so none of them are even viable dating options. But I felt strongly physically attracted to 3 of them (even despite their personalities). I don't think any were into me, they were just joking around.

Anyhow, I thought of my past, and all the guys that I was strongly into are very hot (with the exception of my boss who is very average but I think that the power differential there turns me on).

The real problem with this is i) While I am somewhat above average looking, I am simply not hot enough to keep their (hot guy's) interest and ii) Those guys usually lack depth, intelligence and emotional maturity. And in the case that a guy had both, looks AND personality, then he would be even MORE out of my reach.

I went on countless dates with average looking guys over the years. I try to force myself to keep going out with them, but they completly fail to excite me on a physical level. And without that "spark", seeing them quickly becomes a chore.

To sum it up, I am only capable of feeling "the spark" with men that are completly hot and thus out of my league. Sigh. Help?

Edited January 5, 2010 by SadandConfusedWA

January 5, 2010

And in the case that a guy had both, looks AND personality, then he would be even MORE out of my reach.

To sum it up, I am only capable of feeling "the spark" with men that are completly hot and thus out of my league. Sigh. Help?

One thing that might help is to stop thinking that way. I HATE it when a woman I am interested in displays that attitude. I might not feel I can do better at first, but with enough of that attitude being displayed, I will begin to agree with it. It is not due to an inflated sense of self (though I have that too at times) as much as it is that insecurity is not attractive.

Beyond that, you are attracted who you are attracted to. It is less easy than I would like for me to become attracted to a lady as well.

January 5, 2010

I hate to sound so superficial but it is what it is. I have always considered myself to not be able to be attracted (physically) to many men at all. I never really saw a pattern in why that is until few days ago.

At that point I haven't felt "butterflies" or attraction to anyone in a very long time. Anyway, I went out with a group of mostly guys and most of whom I have never met before. This group seems to be into gym and are all very well built. They were all tall and had incredible faces too (at least 3 of them did). They were playfully flirting with me, giving me hugs, kisses on the lips and cheek, some touching etc. Their personalities are blah though, they come across as very immature and not overly intelligent so none of them are even viable dating options. But I felt strongly physically attracted to 3 of them (even despite their personalities). I don't think any were into me, they were just joking around.

Anyhow, I thought of my past, and all the guys that I was strongly into are very hot (with the exception of my boss who is very average but I think that the power differential there turns me on).

The real problem with this is i) While I am somewhat above average looking, I am simply not hot enough to keep their (hot guy's) interest and ii) Those guys usually lack depth, intelligence and emotional maturity. And in the case that a guy had both, looks AND personality, then he would be even MORE out of my reach.

I went on countless dates with average looking guys over the years. I try to force myself to keep going out with them, but they completly fail to excite me on a physical level. And without that "spark", seeing them quickly becomes a chore.

To sum it up, I am only capable of feeling "the spark" with men that are completly hot and thus out of my league. Sigh. Help?

how old are you? I ask because I think as we get older, we start to find more and more to be attracted to other than their looks. Haven't you ever met a guy that was maybe so-so looking.. like a 6 or a 7, but then his personality, sense of humor etc. made him way more attractive? Try to stop putting so much emphasis on the physical stuff... while it is important, it's the other things that make a relationship grow.

January 5, 2010

I hate to sound so superficial but it is what it is. I have always considered myself to not be able to be attracted (physically) to many men at all. I never really saw a pattern in why that is until few days ago.

At that point I haven't felt "butterflies" or attraction to anyone in a very long time. Anyway, I went out with a group of mostly guys and most of whom I have never met before. This group seems to be into gym and are all very well built. They were all tall and had incredible faces too (at least 3 of them did). They were playfully flirting with me, giving me hugs, kisses on the lips and cheek, some touching etc. Their personalities are blah though, they come across as very immature and not overly intelligent so none of them are even viable dating options. But I felt strongly physically attracted to 3 of them (even despite their personalities). I don't think any were into me, they were just joking around.

Anyhow, I thought of my past, and all the guys that I was strongly into are very hot (with the exception of my boss who is very average but I think that the power differential there turns me on).

The real problem with this is i) While I am somewhat above average looking, I am simply not hot enough to keep their (hot guy's) interest and ii) Those guys usually lack depth, intelligence and emotional maturity. And in the case that a guy had both, looks AND personality, then he would be even MORE out of my reach.

I went on countless dates with average looking guys over the years. I try to force myself to keep going out with them, but they completly fail to excite me on a physical level. And without that "spark", seeing them quickly becomes a chore.

To sum it up, I am only capable of feeling "the spark" with men that are completly hot and thus out of my league. Sigh. Help?

I think in most cases.....women ARE attracted to possibly LESS than "HOT and SEXY" guys.....but they think they can do better.....so they just keep going up and up the attraction scale.

So they turn down guys they're attracted to, to pursue the even MORE attractive (they think they can do better)

Just google the "Husband Store" and you'll know what I mean.

January 5, 2010

I think in most cases.....women ARE attracted to possibly LESS than "HOT and SEXY" guys.....but they think they can do better.....so they just keep going up and up the attraction scale.

So they turn down guys they're attracted to, to pursue the even MORE attractive (they think they can do better)

Just google the "Husband Store" and you'll know what I mean.

I find that point of view to be particularly... interesting. Is there anything else these selfish vixens do to obstruct the continuation of our entire species?

January 5, 2010

I find that point of view to be particularly... interesting. Is there anything else these selfish vixens do to obstruct the continuation of our entire species?

I hope some of you guys don't start going off and saying ALL women are like this... shallow, selfish etc. Of course, lke the OP we are sexually attracted to hot guys, just like most guys are sexually attracted to hot girls. I can only speak for myself but there are MANY other qualities I like in a guy... I am not that shallow.

January 5, 2010

I hate to sound so superficial but it is what it is.

Then stop saying stuff like this:

The real problem with this is i) While I am somewhat above average looking, I am simply not hot enough to keep their (hot guy's) interest and ii) Those guys usually lack depth, intelligence and emotional maturity. And in the case that a guy had both, looks AND personality, then he would be even MORE out of my reach.

Some guys are not so superficial. I have seen some HOT dudes with average chicks. I would consider myself average. I have been with average to hot guys. A lot of it has to do with the attitude. I don't care if people don't believe it - confidence will take you far. Believe you're hot, and you'll find somebody who agrees.

I don't think you're superficial by being turned on only by hot guys (it's a personal preference just like height or weight). I think you're being superficial by judging yourself so harshly. I could give you examples of HOT guy, average girl, but I'm not really up for it this morning. Just wanted to say don't be so hard on yourself.

January 5, 2010

I hope some of you guys don't start going off and saying ALL women are like this... shallow, selfish etc. Of course, lke the OP we are sexually attracted to hot guys, just like most guys are sexually attracted to hot girls. I can only speak for myself but there are MANY other qualities I like in a guy... I am not that shallow.

oops.. I realized this could sound like I was calling the OP shallow and selfish and I wasn't at all.. I was referring to b52s post about the "husband store". Just wanted to make that clear... ok, carry on

January 5, 2010

I had this attitude when I was 15-17 or so.

You do know that people change as they age.

Plus after a while, you realize that you can only "do" beauty for so long (speaking as a guy) before beauty alone can't hold things together.

I wouldn't call the OP shallow. Men operate on the same level. Wealthy or flashy men know they can attract the hot chicks. At some point, the smart ones look for something deeper beyond looks. The dumb ones--they keep divorce lawyers busy.

January 5, 2010

I think most everyone is sexually attracted to *hot* people. Hellooo....they are hot. But most everyone is also able to come back down to earth and realize that while sexual attraction is one thing, attainment of your object of affection is another, often more difficult goal. This realization then forces our brain to extend sexual attraction to relatively hot and not so hot people.

You are not shallow by being attracted to extremely good looking guys..well, at least not any more shallow than the average person. But to ONLY be attracted to extremely good looking guys is where your problem lies. You have to retrain your brain. Extremely good looking men are a rare and constantly in demand commodity. To obtain one, you will have to step up your game big time, to keep one focused on you and you only, you have to elevate yourself to the their league. This is not easy to do. 10s usually look for other 10s and very often 11s to date. We all like to trade up right?. If you can package yourself as worthy enough to be in the league of hotness, good luck. If not, retrain your brain to see and acknowledge that none hot people are also sexually attractive.

January 5, 2010

how old are you? I ask because I think as we get older, we start to find more and more to be attracted to other than their looks. Haven't you ever met a guy that was maybe so-so looking.. like a 6 or a 7, but then his personality, sense of humor etc. made him way more attractive? Try to stop putting so much emphasis on the physical stuff... while it is important, it's the other things that make a relationship grow.

It's true.

The good thing about getting older is that women I would have found plain or cute, now look pretty hot. I think I get more into personality, and less into looks.

It makes for a lot more hot women for the pool which is a good thing. Also, after dating a few really hot women with crappy personalities, I find they don't seem that hot anymore whereas when I was younger I would put up with it.

Part of it is seeing women I grew up with that were really hot getting older and you realize looks only go so far, and they don't last forever.

January 5, 2010

But to ONLY be attracted to extremely good looking guys is where your problem lies. You have to retrain your brain.

Yeah, try telling the chronically single women on dating sites who rejected guys like us to "retrain their brain"...they'll laugh in your face.

"You need to retrain your brain, and date the 5'8 guy and not the 6 feet one

January 5, 2010

Yeah, try telling the chronically single women on dating sites who rejected guys like us to "retrain their brain"...they'll laugh in your face.

"You need to retrain your brain, and date the 5'8 guy and not the 6 feet one

Why are you turning this thread into another one of the general threads about the kind of men that women go for?

January 5, 2010

Yeah, try telling the chronically single women on dating sites who rejected guys like us to "retrain their brain"...they'll laugh in your face.

"You need to retrain your brain, and date the 5'8 guy and not the 6 feet one

Then I don't want them.

If a chick isn't clawing at my zipper early on then I probably won't continue to date her.

Because she is a woman trying to force attraction for me based on my personality & not my looks.

In my experiance those type of women have cheated on me for some hotter looking guy.

I need a woman to stimulate my mind & make me pitch a tent.

I cannot fault a woman for feeling the same.

Hence i'm working my ass off.

Eating healthy, lifting hard & now i'm hitting the tread mill almost daily.

I'm more of the mind that a woman will go for a buff 5' 8" guy over a fat 6' 1" guy as long as she wasn't tall herself.

January 5, 2010

To sum it up, I am only capable of feeling "the spark" with men that are completly hot and thus out of my league. Sigh. Help?

What part of them?

Their bodies or their face?

Does a buff guy with an average face turn you on or does only the mathew mcCaunahey types make you tingle?

January 5, 2010

I went on countless dates with average looking guys over the years. I try to force myself to keep going out with them, but they completly fail to excite me on a physical level. And without that "spark", seeing them quickly becomes a chore.

How long do usually stay with them? I mean, did a relationship ever develop or did you end things at the dating stage itself? Sometimes people become more attractive over time if you really like their personalities.

January 5, 2010

To sum it up, I am only capable of feeling "the spark" with men that are completly hot and thus out of my league. Sigh. Help?

If you feel this aspect is inhibiting the formation of healthy relationships, getting some help might be appropriate. It seems a bit of a conundrum has developed for you. I had a similar (unhealthy) one with being attracted to/attracting emotionally unavailable women. I solved that conundrum in MC while trying to connect with my emotionally unavailable now stbx.

If you're under 30 (I don't remember), it's probably pretty 'normal' to feel the way you do. I saw a lot of it with both men and women during that time. Life experience will change you somewhat but, since you're questioning it now, perhaps now is a good time to work on it.

I did find it interesting, in your example, that you'd accept physical/sexual attentions from men you didn't know, based on their physical appearance. Is this 'normal' for you? If yes, why do you feel it is?

January 5, 2010

i'm only sexually attracted to the top1% of girls. just the way it is. everyone says im too picky, but oh well. you cant trick your mind into finding someone else attractive.

im not attracted to super model hot either...i like the girl next door, cute, small, sexy. yum!

January 5, 2010

Attraction is mostly superficial, and it is not a choice. I tell many men around here not to feel ashamed for wanting hot women. The same goes for you. Pursue the men you want, not the ones people tell you you should date. Besides, they are hot to you - it is still subjective. Consider no one out of your league.

January 5, 2010

Try dating outside your race to find a combination of looks and personality you are attracted to.

January 5, 2010

Try dating outside your race to find a combination of looks and personality you are attracted to.

or outside your nationality even. try to have an open mind and allow men to surprise you. they will

January 5, 2010

Hence i'm working my ass off.
Eating healthy, lifting hard & now i'm hitting the tread mill almost daily.

I'm more of the mind that a woman will go for a buff 5' 8" guy over a fat 6' 1" guy as long as she wasn't tall herself.

Unfortunately, the hitting the gym daily won't do anything to enhance an average face. They are yet to make dumbells that will make men resemble Gabriel Aubry.

A buff body alone doesn't do it.

January 5, 2010

I don't think the OP is being shallow in the specific sense that others are assuming. She may just be attracted to good-looking guys. It doesn't necessarily mean she's entitled or seeking perfection. I don't get the sense she's trophy hunting. There are people like this, who seek out perfection when they don't realize they could be happy with less. In the OP's case it sounds like more of a primal feeling she either has or doesn't. It also doesn't sound like she's only going for 9s or 10s, just men whom she considers good-looking. (I could be wrong)

OP, I can relate in some ways to where you're coming from. The only difference is if a guy is hot and dumb I usually feel no spark. He needs to be both attractive and smart.

That said I can on rare occasion feel initially attracted to guys who aren't physically attractive but have something else about them that piques my interest. What's weird is if I start to date them, their lack of physical attractiveness becomes more of an issue as time goes by. This is the opposite of what people say should happen. I guess it really becomes an issue if/when we start getting physical. I notice that I'm just not feeling it. The emotional attraction doesn't translate to the bedroom.

I have the same problem as you in that I don't think I'm physically attractive enough to usually get the kind of guys I desire. I'm sure the guys I've dated would disagree, but I wouldn't classify myself as more than cute or at best attractive but not conventionally pretty. My body is pretty good (although it looks worse clothed). My face is just above average. I think if I were really confident and outgoing, my looks wouldn't be much of an issue. But because I'm pretty stiff around strangers, I'd need to be really hot to stand out.

Edited January 5, 2010 by shadowplay

January 5, 2010

Well, I am the same way so I can understand (girls in my case, lol). I say this: You can not control what you are attracted to. If it's hot guys, it's hot guys. Just remember that with VERY GOOD LOOKS comes other problems that you will have to deal with.

When I was very young, I was dating the most amazingly attractive woman I have ever met. She loved me, I loved her. She was HOT -- I mean EXTREMELY HOT. She asked me to marry her and I said no. Why?! Well, at the time (I was 20), I felt that not only was I too young, but I was tired of dealing with EVERY GUY hitting on her. We could not go anywhere with some jacka$$ making a snide comment about getting in her pants OR why she was with me (I probably was not quite at her level looks wise but I am by no means unattractive).

I think you need that attraction, but remember as you get older, looks fade and all you are left with is the core of who the person is. And for the most part, super attractive people spend less time improving themselves from the inside than less attractive people.

I say keep looking but don't be afraid to make friends with less attractive men. Sooner or later, one of those guys is going to woo you over with his personality. That just takes time and getting to know people. In the meantime, date who you want and see where it goes.

I certainly haven't stopped dating super attractive women. When I find one who has the inner qualities to match her outer qualities, I'll probably be all over that

January 5, 2010

I wouldn't say it makes you evil OP, I think almost all women feel like you do but simply lie about when confronted. "OH, it was their CONFIDENCE"

Make sure you are very hot though if you want to live that lifestyle. Make sure you also need very little in intellectual and spiritual fulfillment as well, women generally don't have any problem neglecting this field of romance.

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I only seem to be able to feel sexual attraction to very good looking guys

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