knime32 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 My ex and I of 6 years broke up at the beginning of December. We've pretty much had no contact with each other and he's started seeing someone, but they aren't serious. He called me last week, and I stupidly answered the phone. We talked about our breakup and words that were exchanged and we both apologized. Apparently, neither one of us were happy because of outside forces and pressure in our relationship and a lack of communication and explaining our feelings ultimately led him to end our relationship. He's called me twice since then and we've talked about things and he wants to know if we can keep talking but is confused about what he wants. He says that he's happy and that he sort of likes this new girl that he's talking to but may want a chance at us again but really is confused about what he wants at the moment. The reason that he even found this new girl is because someone set him up on a blind date with her and I think that he is into it because its new and exciting not because its the right thing for him or us. Before we broke up and where our trouble started is when I graduated from college, lost my job that I had, and had to move back in with my mom. Our relationship took a massive step backwards. I became unhappy and bitter at the world and lashed out at everyone for not being able to get a job. Before all of this happend we were talking about moving in together and he talked with friends about proposing to me, now we're here. Is this relationship even worth saving and can it be saved? I'm really lost and confused about what is going on and what to do. I really do love him and care about him and I don't want to see our relationship dwinddle away because of things that were outside of our control. Any advice out there from you experienced people? Should I keep talking to him and work on fixing the problems that were in our relationship even if he isn't sure what he wants or should I just move forward and go back to NC? He wants to keep talking and see where things go with me, but I can't sit back and wait on him, espcecially when he's exploring his feelings for someone else as well.
deux ex machina Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 ...I can't sit back and wait on him, espcecially when he's exploring his feelings for someone else as well. Right there. If he is confused, let him know he can stay away from you until he figures it out - and is no longer so confused. Please don't wait on him, you have a lot of other great things in life to explore, with a clear head.
canadaman111 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Right there. If he is confused, let him know he can stay away from you until he figures it out - and is no longer so confused. Please don't wait on him, you have a lot of other great things in life to explore, with a clear head. I agree here, he can't have you wait. Tell him how you feel and tell him he has to give you space until he knows what he want to do.
GrayClouds Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I'm really lost and confused about what is going on and what to do. . When your lost and confused the only thing that makes any sense to think about is what you can control. Right now that is you. Take this time to become unlost, go and find yourself. Discover the things you love, what your good at, how to enjoy yourself by yourself. Learn to be self sufficient, and god forbid, happy on your own. That is a lot of difficult work so you will need focus and effort but the reward will be great. You will know what you want out of life and who can compliment that life and who cant. If you do that everything else will figure itself out. Good luck this is a very exciting time for you.
Author knime32 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Over the last month I've done a lot of reflecting and a lot of self-improvement. I graduated from school in May and I lost the job I had because of the economy in July and I lost everything I ever knew and I became bitter and shut the world out. I was in denial about who I was, or who I was becoming and the breakup really made me see the person that I was becoming and I hated that person. I'm generally a very happy, nice, genuine person and I lost that, because of stupid things. I have spent the last few weeks rebuilding myself, giving myself an identity..for myself...and I've rediscovered the old me and I absolutely love it. I have a passion for everything that I didnt have for the last 3-4 months. I don't understand where his confusion is coming from and then again I do. I already told him that I can't talk to him if I don't know where it is going and that I can't talk to him if its not going to lead back to a committed relationship and he needed to sit and evaluate what he really wanted. I gave him a week to really think about things and then he could get back to me. I'm trying to keep my mind occupied and distracted so that I dont think about him, or us. Its really hard for me because I love him and care about him so much and ths is really all I've wanted for the past month. now, do any of you have any opinions on what the new girl represents. Is she something legitimate or is she a filler for what was missing with us for the last few months? Is she something he's interested in because its new and exciting? Is it something that will last? Why is she more important now that our 6 years of history? I would understand a little better if she were a better person than I am...but she's not. I guess if she was, it would be a little easier for me to accept.
singlegirl Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I can't answer your questions..the worst part of all of this is the not knowing I think I do think however that you must go NC as soon as humanly possible....Your ex is using you ( maybe not intentionally) to council him through the breakup..No good can come of this for you, no good of any kind...I know it;'s hard feeling alone but when he feels better and doesn't need to contact you you may be left feeling alone and used? You don't need that. You don't need to talk to a man who has already replaced you...You have to remember, he is with another woman..... I know how hard it must be but be kinder to yourself. I would email him and request that he didn't contact you until/unless he finally knows what he wants...I hope you feel better soon
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