snake501264 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Hi, so, my girlfriend told me that I am expecting too much in our relationship. Here is the story. Many times I give her gifts for no particular reasons and sometimes I give her hallmark cards as well. As a boyfriend, I am not expecting her to do the same. I feel that it's the guy's job to make the girl feel special (like giving gifts and stuff). One time I was telling her a story about my friendship with this one girl at work (she was opening up her feelings to me). Based on that, my GF said that this girl might like me. Since I'm not an amateur in a relationship, I decided not to spend too much alone time with her. It's because I don't want to give her the impression that I like her too (she does know that I have a GF). But the main reason is because I don't want to alarm my GF after she told me that. I didn't tell her this until one time when we had a fight. The fight was about her always spending time with a guy friend of ours (not alone but with other people as well). After hearing that, she said that "I never told you to do that" My purpose of telling her that story was because I wanted to tell her that I changed for her since we got together ( I didn't tell her that of course, I wanted her to figure it out by herself). She then told me that I am expecting too much in this relationship. My question is, I don't feel like I am expecting too much since I'm her BF. Just for the record, I don't think she is the girl that I'm gonna marry in the future. But, just for my own good, what do you guys think? Am I really expecting too much?? If so, what should I do? Like I said I'm not an amateur, but I'm also not an expert in relationships. So, I am looking forward for your inputs guys!!
Bejita463 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 So, you think you can tell her who she can and can not be friends with? That's what I got from that, and if it is how you think, then yes, you are expecting too much. If the relationship seems inappropriate, you can voice your concerns of course, but going "I stopped hanging out with A so you should stop hanging out with B, it's only fair" is crap.
aerogurl87 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 My question is, I don't feel like I am expecting too much since I'm her BF. Just for the record, I don't think she is the girl that I'm gonna marry in the future. If you saw this girl as being long term relationship potential, then I'd agree with you. I hate when a guy I actually see myself dating for awhile hangs out with a particular girl too much. It's not out of jealousy so much as it is out of knowledge about how some females work and can be malicious, manipulative, little biatches sometimes. But since you said you don't see her as the girl you're gonna marry, what's the problem? Let her go hang out with this guy and don't sweat her. Also if you don't see her as being wife material, then why are you still with her? Break up with her and become just friends or occasional FWB at the most. Don't waste your time on a girl who you know isn't right, when you could be out there single and mingling with other single women who are better suited to make a lifetime partner for you. By sticking around you may be missing out on someone great, is all I'm saying. But for now, don't get mad at her if you don't see this working out. It's just a waste of your energy.
Author snake501264 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 @ bejita463, I understand what you mean, but I have to disagree. I stopped hanging out alone with the girl. When we are in public, we still talk. It's just not when we are alone. @ aerogurl87 I do want her and I to be in a long term relationship. However,she is moving away to a different country soon. I should probably break up soon to save my own time and money, but I think the feeling is too strong for me to let her go before she has to go. So, what should I do aero?? Let's just say that I am the guy that you have been dating for a while stuck in this situation. Your input will be valuable for me.
aerogurl87 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 @ aerogurl87 I do want her and I to be in a long term relationship. However,she is moving away to a different country soon. I should probably break up soon to save my own time and money, but I think the feeling is too strong for me to let her go before she has to go. So, what should I do aero?? Let's just say that I am the guy that you have been dating for a while stuck in this situation. Your input will be valuable for me. Well I was in a LDR once before for almost half a year and all I can say is that if both of you are committed to making it work, it WILL work. Had my ex and I started out living in close proximity to one another and then became a LDR then I think we'd still be together today, but fate seemed to have other plans. If I were her and I really cared about you, I'd try to make it work because you never know until you try something. So I say not to break up with her out of fear but to give it a chance. If distance the doesn't kill your relationship it will almost certainly help make it stronger.
sassygurl129 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Hey snake, Well, I think the first thing you need to figure out is whether or not she has the same feelings for you. A relationship works both ways, even if you want a long distant relationship, and she doesn't it wouldn't work. Make sure that you know she really wants to do it, and not just a "maybe." As a girl, when we say "maybe" it usually means no. She's just probably too nice to say "no" so she said "maybe" instead. In that case, I would encourage you to rip the band-aid. The end result will be the same, she's moving away. Whether you break up today, or tomorrow or the day she leaves, she's still moving, the only difference is the intensity of the pain you feel. Bottom line is, find out what she thinks about LDR only if you are serious about committing to this form or relationship and you have enough trust for her to be faithful. If you are jealous about her spending time with a certain boy in a group, chances are if you guys do get into a LDR, you will have plenty more to be jealous about. Heads up! Good luck.
Bejita463 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 @ bejita463, I understand what you mean, but I have to disagree. I stopped hanging out alone with the girl. When we are in public, we still talk. It's just not when we are alone. That has nothing to do with her friendship with that guy. She is right. If she HAD asked you to behave differently around the lady, that would be a different story. She didn't. You did something and expected her to do the same, but she clearly does not agree with that unvoiced pact.
Author snake501264 Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Hey snake, Well, I think the first thing you need to figure out is whether or not she has the same feelings for you. A relationship works both ways, even if you want a long distant relationship, and she doesn't it wouldn't work. Make sure that you know she really wants to do it, and not just a "maybe." As a girl, when we say "maybe" it usually means no. She's just probably too nice to say "no" so she said "maybe" instead. In that case, I would encourage you to rip the band-aid. The end result will be the same, she's moving away. Whether you break up today, or tomorrow or the day she leaves, she's still moving, the only difference is the intensity of the pain you feel. Bottom line is, find out what she thinks about LDR only if you are serious about committing to this form or relationship and you have enough trust for her to be faithful. If you are jealous about her spending time with a certain boy in a group, chances are if you guys do get into a LDR, you will have plenty more to be jealous about. Heads up! Good luck. I will see her for one last time here in the states. I do want to ask her about the long distance relationship. However, my problem as a guy is I never like to talk about this kind of stuff. But, I want to change, so how do I approach her with this topic? You are right, it doesn't matter when I break up with her, she will leave anyway. But, she means a lot to me, so I don't care about the extra time and money being wasted compared to if I broke up with her early. The strange thing was, when I told her about my feelings toward her about 2 months ago, we both knew that she is about to leave the country for good (never returning to US ever...she isn't a US citizen by the way). Knowing that she would leave, she still say yes to my proposal of being together as a couple. At first, when I told her about my feelings I just wanted her to know about my feelings, I didn't really expect her to say to yes to me...but God is nice enough to give us a little time to be together.
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