Author shadowplay Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 It's not really EUM. Shadow has a history of getting involved with the guy who's closest to the one she's involved with. Don't know why, but I'm seeing a pattern emerging. No, that was only true in one case with my ex boyfriend and his friend. That's never happening again.
Author shadowplay Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 I guess when it comes down to it I just shouldn't give a fck. I'll continue to be friendly and if he doesn't like me, so be it. I think my boyfriend has enough of a mind of his own not to be swayed by whatever impression his bro might have.
boogieboy Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I guess when it comes down to it I just shouldn't give a fck. I'll continue to be friendly and if he doesn't like me, so be it. I think my boyfriend has enough of a mind of his own not to be swayed by whatever impression his bro might have. You started off good by jokin with him, being loud and abnoxious to join the party, and staying ahead of him with the jokes. Dont worry about him, keep doing it, he might come around. I had to come around with my sister in law after a while.
threebyfate Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 I guess when it comes down to it I just shouldn't give a fck. I'll continue to be friendly and if he doesn't like me, so be it. I think my boyfriend has enough of a mind of his own not to be swayed by whatever impression his bro might have.Yup, that's the way. Maintain your boundaries, shadow. Do you understand how a hook works? There are two types: One where the guy is full court press at the beginning, then when he's got you invested, pulls away to set the hook harder.The other is when a guy treats everyone around his target in a friendly and flirty way, especially when these other chicks are less attractive. He essentially ignores his target, sometimes negging her a bit, then ignores her some more. When he's got her ego softened up, he then hits on her, giving her his full attention.I'm not suggesting that this guy is employing any kind of technique. It may be that he's not warmed up to you, for whatever reason. But you have to be careful not to get obsessive about his lack of attention or interest, or you're going to replay #2. Everyone likes to be liked. Everyone doesn't enjoy rejection. When you're in a relationship, you have to learn to set your boundaries and adhere to them, rather than intentionally or unintentionally, allowing a good-looking "challenge" to over-ride your caring for your b/f.
Author shadowplay Posted January 19, 2010 Author Posted January 19, 2010 Well, I'm still having difficulty relating to his brother, despite my efforts to be friendly and ask more questions. Today I met my boyfriend for coffee. He didn't tell me until he got there, but he brought his brother along. His brother sat at the table with us and said practically nothing, kind of looked around the room glumly. I made a few attempts to engage him that went nowhere. I don't think he even said hello to me. I get the distinct impression he dislikes me. I really would like to alleviate this weird, uncomfortable tension because I can tell it makes my boyfriend uncomfortable. After I left, I broached the issue through a text because it was really bugging me. I told my bf that I sometimes have trouble relating to his brother because I get the vibe that he might not like me, but I really want to be cool with him. He told me not to worry and that it's just hard because his brother is a completely different person from us. This is true. His brother is kind of an outdoorsy jock, not at all into anything cultural and not very reflective. He's also very loud and a bit crass. So how do I relate to somebody who has nothing in common with me? I really want to be on good terms with him.
alphamale Posted January 19, 2010 Posted January 19, 2010 This is true. His brother is kind of an outdoorsy jock, not at all into anything cultural and not very reflective. He's also very loud and a bit crass. he sounds like an idiot to me So how do I relate to somebody who has nothing in common with me? you don't
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 Regardless, he probably loves and enjoys his brother (and his antics). If nothing else, his biggest hope would be for his bro and his gf to like one another. I wouldn't introduce any strife at this point by bringing up your distaste for his brother. If someone criticized my brother in the early stages of dating, it would make me defensive. I'd be especially upset if someone referred to my bro as unintelligent. I'd take it personally. If it were me, I'd make an honest effort to get along with the brother, even find some common ground. I can guarantee that it's probably pretty important to your bf that you like his bro and vice-versa. I am sure that the younger bro is threatened by you- which is why it's even more important to be a diplomat than an enemy. He lives with your bf, they have a bond and longstanding ties- don't underestimate his influence. The last thing you need is for the bro to start **** if he senses you don't like him. I think it's possible the bro could be testing you, and if he feels threatened by your relationship, he'll just keep upping his game. If you show distaste regarding a behaviour, he's going to take it a step further. If you laugh him off, he'll relax. But- he is only 19- so he is what he is at that age. Honestly, I'd try and find a way to bond with the bro. If you can't, you can't- but it's important to at least attempt to embrace the things your SO loves- and I assume he loves his bro. I agree. Your BF is going to tell his brother everything you say about him. So now brother is your enemy and will probably behave even worse. Oh and he will telll his mom what you said about him and she will probably not like you. I would try to spend time elsewhere as much as possible and find away to connect with the brother. He may actually think he is entertaining or impressing you.
Author shadowplay Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 He may actually think he is entertaining or impressing you. What do you mean by this?
Author shadowplay Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 LOL shadowplay, it's obviously just a matter of time until you **** the kid brother, why are you pretending otherwise? Here's the truth. I find his brother pretty (physically) attractive because he's my type in terms of appearance. There are a few appealing things about his personality, like the fact that he's outgoing, confident, and he's incredibly good at bmx (which is hot). But otherwise, his personality is about as far from my type as it gets. He's obnoxious, immature, and not especially bright. I'm not going to lie. The fact that I'm at all attracted to him makes me really uncomfortable when he's around. That said, I would never in a million years try to seduce him. That would be completely vile, and it would be the end of a lovely relationship. If I were single, he weren't my boyfriend's brother, and he expressed interest in me, would I sleep with him? Yes. But I would never seriously date him.
txsilkysmoothe Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 What do you mean by this? What do you mean by this? I was meaning that when he is acting obnoxious and loud, he may think he is entertaining you and may be showing off for you. It would not be uncommon for a 19 yo to do that. Having read more of this thread, I think you're messed up, dear. You are obsessive about whether a 19 yo likes you. A 26 yo woman saying that he is friendly with another girl and "it's probably because she is cuter than me." Come on. You mention his interaction with another one of his female friends as well as his girlfriend. You're so in his business with other women. Did your boyfriend act too friendly with any of these women? Would you have even noticed? Every time you post you come a little closer to saying you want the 19 yo brother. I think we're all saying "it's just a matter of time" til she posts that they slept together. What a mess that will be. Please, before you forever damage the relationship between brothers or make a fool of yourself, break up with your boyfriend. I do not believe you are interested in him and may be using him just to be near the 19 yo. Then stay away from both of them.
Author shadowplay Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 (edited) I was meaning that when he is acting obnoxious and loud, he may think he is entertaining you and may be showing off for you. It would not be uncommon for a 19 yo to do that. Having read more of this thread, I think you're messed up, dear. You are obsessive about whether a 19 yo likes you. A 26 yo woman saying that he is friendly with another girl and "it's probably because she is cuter than me." Come on. You mention his interaction with another one of his female friends as well as his girlfriend. You're so in his business with other women. Did your boyfriend act too friendly with any of these women? Would you have even noticed? Every time you post you come a little closer to saying you want the 19 yo brother. I think we're all saying "it's just a matter of time" til she posts that they slept together. What a mess that will be. Please, before you forever damage the relationship between brothers or make a fool of yourself, break up with your boyfriend. I do not believe you are interested in him and may be using him just to be near the 19 yo. Then stay away from both of them. ------ forget it. I won't even dignify this with a response. Edited January 24, 2010 by shadowplay
silverfish Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 This is ridiculous. I have no intention of starting ANYTHING with the brother, and I've never indicated such. I'm just physically attracted to him. I also find him hard to interact with. That's the extent of it. I doubt it's unusual for somebody to find a SO's sibling physically attractive if they are. Age doesn't matter. If somebody's hot and my physical type, I'm probably going to feel some amount of attraction to him unless he's related to me. As long as it's just a mild feeling, it's not a big deal. It's really not in my control whether I'm attracted to him or not, only whether I act on it. And I won't. Now get off my case. Its not unusual at all I dont think. My ex has 2 brothers and I 'mildly fancied' them when they were younger anyway. They were good looking like him, so its natural I guess
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 One thing I hate about LS is that posters see everything in completly black and white terms. Yet, I am sure that many have done and still do a lot worse when it comes to their own lives. It is easy to come and preach on an interent forum. You attracted to brother == you going to hell
Author shadowplay Posted January 24, 2010 Author Posted January 24, 2010 One thing I hate about LS is that posters see everything in completly black and white terms. Yet, I am sure that many have done and still do a lot worse when it comes to their own lives. It is easy to come and preach on an interent forum. You attracted to brother == you going to hell Thanks for defending me, and I totally agree.
Leia Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 One thing I hate about LS is that posters see everything in completly black and white terms. Yet, I am sure that many have done and still do a lot worse when it comes to their own lives. It is easy to come and preach on an interent forum. You attracted to brother == you going to hell That is so true! Shadowplay, I trust that you know yourself way better than anyone else here on in real life ... so when you say you're not going there, I know you wouldn't cause as far as I know, from all your posts/threads, you tell it like it is. I'd say keep being friendly but don't over do it. Maybe try hanging out somewhere else with your boyfriend?
OnlyJake Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 I'm jumping in on this thread pretty late, and TBH I didn't read any of it except this last page. First, I think there is a difference between having a crush on an SO's sibling, and just finding an SO's sibling attractive. I won't comment on which one you seem to have going on. That said, I only have had one experience where I ever found an SO's brother attractive, and that wasn't even the case until near the end of my relationship with that particular boyfriend. On reflection, I think the reasons I started noticing the brother were 1. He looked just like my boyfriend did when we first started dating and were actually happy together. 2. Things with my boyfriend were so bad that I was starting to disengage from him a bit, emotionally. I'm under the impression that you haven't been with your boyfriend for very long, but maybe you should give #2 some thought; I suspect that there may be a variation there that might apply to you.
Boundary Problem Posted January 24, 2010 Posted January 24, 2010 You can't date his brother. So stop thinking about it. Avoid hanging out with the brother and you will stop being emotionally attached. Whatever you do - do not be alone with the brother - even if you have to be insultingly rude. If you even kiss or make out with the brother - you could destroy their relationship. And that would be a price that you wouldn't have to pay - so just avoid the brother. It is perfectly natural to find the brother attracctive, because you think your boyfriend is attractive and they probably share similar features. But this is a 'go nowhere' situation. And could really hurt your boyfriend. Easier said than done -I know.
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