How Okay is It for a 31 year old Man to Marry a 17 year old Girl?

[LovelyDaze]

Maybe I'm immature... maybe she is wise beyond her years... either way, does it really matter if they are happy?

 

 

Ummm...you couldn't have read my posts thoroughly so I will explain.

 

My ex stated that he knows she is too immature and too young being that she is still in high school and never had a serious relationship. She blogged about my ex being her "first love".

 

You said it doesn't matter that they are happy, right?

 

Well, then I guess happy means, repeatedly cheating on that 17 year old, calling, texting and coming by your 30 year old ex girlfriend's(i.e ME ) home for numerous chances to work things out again, telling family,friends,& co-workers that maybe if you marry the 17 year old fiance, she will finally see that it is not meant to be and divorce him, not wanting children with the young girl even though she desperately does, happy to be going to Afghanistan to get away from the girl, asking the ex (ME, again!) if she'd wait for him when he returns from Afghanistan because he is sure the 17 year old girl and he will not work out in the end no matter what (his words) and the happiest thing of all?....wearing his engagement ring on the other hand unless he is on webcam or the girl is in the town.

 

He calls her engagement ring?...her shut-up ring.

 

Yea...happy. teehee. I feel lucky. Thanks for your insight.

[Angel1111]

Yes. He left for Afghanistan just recently and is still engaged to the girl. She lives in North Las Vegas & is STILL in high school!

 

Yet, he came by my home right after Christmas to tell me for the billionth time that he knows the two won't make it & wants me to "wait" for him when he returns. I feel dumb just for having listened to him without vomiting.

 

He'd never get another second of my time. I hope you never talk to this dumba** again. I don't think the age difference is such a big deal. I mean, I don't get it but whatever. But the things he says to you shows that he's actually the one who's totally immature - and obviously living in a dreamworld.

[In_Repair]

What you hear from him is just the twisted little version that he has come up with to keep you at arms length while he figures out what he really wants. If he is so unhappy WITH her... then he must have been F'in miserable with you since he actually left, so stop letting him play with your mind and get a grip on your emotions.

[angie2443]

OP, I would suggest you get some counseling or really examine yourself to find out what attracted you to an obviously emotionally stunted man in the first place.

 

Older men who go for women who are adolescent or are just out of their teenage years, are mentally and emotionally stunted. In a sense, they never grew beyond their teenage mentality. What attracted you to someone like this? Finding out will help keep you from hooking up with someone just like him.

[In_Repair]

Older men who go for women who are adolescent or are just out of their teenage years, are mentally and emotionally stunted. In a sense, they never grew beyond their teenage mentality. What attracted you to someone like this? Finding out will help keep you from hooking up with someone just like him.

 

Angie, you bring up a very common point that you hear when in this type of relationship and it actually bothered me for a little while. The way I had it explained to me, that actually made a little sense, was like this. "Sure you feel like you relate to her, you just had your wife of ten years walk out and force you to start over with a new life. She is at the same point - just starting out in life. How could you not be able to relate to each other? Everyones experiences are different and everyone reaches different stages of their life at different times, and through different ways. If you two are happy... tell the rest of the world to kiss your ass." So I do.

[LovelyDaze]

He'd never get another second of my time. I hope you never talk to this dumba** again. I don't think the age difference is such a big deal. I mean, I don't get it but whatever. But the things he says to you shows that he's actually the one who's totally immature - and obviously living in a dreamworld.

 

Yes, he is a dumba**. He doesn't really want her, but will probably marry her anyway.

I feel sorry for her actually.

 

He even told me before he left that "we are not over."...Um, yes we are.

[LovelyDaze]

OP, I would suggest you get some counseling or really examine yourself to find out what attracted you to an obviously emotionally stunted man in the first place.

 

Older men who go for women who are adolescent or are just out of their teenage years, are mentally and emotionally stunted. In a sense, they never grew beyond their teenage mentality. What attracted you to someone like this? Finding out will help keep you from hooking up with someone just like him.

 

Thanks angie2443! I am really working on why I felt such a draw to this guy despite the warning signs. My ex told me that he knows it is a pattern but "doesn't know how to break it" That stunned me when he said it because he keeps doing it anyway.

 

This was some of the honest-to-God things he said or text to me:

I don't love her..but I gotta "save her."

I love you more than you'll ever know..please wait for me when I get back.

I know she is cheating on me now, plus she is whoring around Vegas.

She tries to make me jealous with photos of her and the high school guys.

I know it won't work with her, but I need to try to get out of it without making her angry..she might charge me with statutory rape or something.

Yes. Only reason I can think that I was attracted to him, was because I probably wanted to save him too. I am strictly NC now even though his sis e-mailed me Sunday saying that before my ex left, he tore down all his new fiance's photos, letters and stuff from his room and put them in a closed box marked "CRAP" His sisters and my ex are superclose and share a home together. His older sis wrote to me that at the airport. My ex had a plan to sit down and breakup with her before his flight.Before he said anything,his sister said the fiance' started crying and saying that she will kill herself if they don't end up married.

[Trimmer]

Thanks angie2443! I am really working on why I felt such a draw to this guy despite the warning signs. My ex told me that he knows it is a pattern but "doesn't know how to break it" That stunned me when he said it because he keeps doing it anyway.

 

This was some of the honest-to-God things he said or text to me:

I don't love her..but I gotta "save her."

I love you more than you'll ever know..please wait for me when I get back.

I know she is cheating on me now, plus she is whoring around Vegas.

She tries to make me jealous with photos of her and the high school guys.

I know it won't work with her, but I need to try to get out of it without making her angry..she might charge me with statutory rape or something.

 

Yes. Only reason I can think that I was attracted to him, was because I probably wanted to save him too. I am strictly NC now even though his sis e-mailed me Sunday saying that before my ex left, he tore down all his new fiance's photos, letters and stuff from his room and put them in a closed box marked "CRAP" His sisters and my ex are superclose and share a home together. His older sis wrote to me that at the airport. My ex had a plan to sit down and breakup with her before his flight.Before he said anything,his sister said the fiance' started crying and saying that she will kill herself if they don't end up married.

 

Well, I would support the suggestion to maybe get some counseling - DO NOT be drawn back in to being this guy's savior... It's great that his sister(s) are close, but why are they telling you about his antics? Don't get drawn back in. You got a "get out of jail free" card here: now use it well and move on.

 

If things go to s**t with the high-schooler - which seems likely... - where is he going to turn to work out his anguish? Don't get drawn back in. Learn about yourself, learn about what is going on with you, work on separating and enforcing strong boundary - he is your EX, and that means OVER - and be ready to protect yourself emotionally.

[LovelyDaze]

Well, I would support the suggestion to maybe get some counseling - DO NOT be drawn back in to being this guy's savior... It's great that his sister(s) are close, but why are they telling you about his antics? Don't get drawn back in. You got a "get out of jail free" card here: now use it well and move on.

 

If things go to s**t with the high-schooler - which seems likely... - where is he going to turn to work out his anguish? Don't get drawn back in. Learn about yourself, learn about what is going on with you, work on separating and enforcing strong boundary - he is your EX, and that means OVER - and be ready to protect yourself emotionally.

 

More than agreed, Trimmer. Thanks so much. I will not break NC with him now, in a month, in a year...just plain ever.

I wanted opinions like yours and others to remind me that my ex is horrifically immature and needs to be left to make his mistake all on his own. I won't be the "default girlfriend"

 

When he came by for another chance with me during Christmas 2009, I KNEW to say no. The very next day, they were back together.

 

I wasn't anywhere my right mind when I dated this guy whatsoever.Lonely and happy that I found a guy I felt I could go the distance with, I took the bait. In fact, I was very idiotic,immature and naive myself, no question. You get what you give. My ex kept saying that "it's not over between us" 'til the time he left for Afghanistan. For me, it is over.

Healthy attracts healthy. For my ex to have an unhealthy pattern of getting engaged to teens then dumping them(this his 5th time dating a teen & 2x being engaged to one), is not my problem. I am working on what I want out of a relationship and spending time alone to figure it out.

It's the best gift I can give to myself.

[In_Repair]

LD, your husband sounds like a real jackass. My earlier arguments were not meant to defend him, I just didn't like the assumptions being made earlier in the thread. Any man who would say the things to a woman that he has said to you, is a moron.

 

5th time dating a teenager? Yeah, I need to back peddle a little and distance my comments from his dumb ass. My experience, and my attitude regarding it, are nothing like his.

[AmIParanoid]

It's awesome for the guy.