How Okay is It for a 31 year old Man to Marry a 17 year old Girl?

[LovelyDaze]

This is my ex and he left me for (at the time) a 17 year old a few months ago plus when he was 25 he was engaged to another 17 year old. Just wondered what anyone's thoughts were.

[Woggle]

It's their business.

[Lovelybird]

I think when the 17 years old grow more mature, she will leave him when he is old, maybe

[CBIIS1]

Its the span in maturity that is of question here. The 17 year old doesn't have the life experiences that a 31 year old has. Listen, in the old days it was not unknown for a young woman to marry a much older man whose wealth was established. This is 2010. A 17 year old doesn't have the right stuff to between the ears to possibly be of interest to a 31 year old. Give her eight more years and maybe, but 17, naw...

[LovelyDaze]

Its the span in maturity that is of question here. The 17 year old doesn't have the life experiences that a 31 year old has. Listen, in the old days it was not unknown for a young woman to marry a much older man whose wealth was established. This is 2010. A 17 year old doesn't have the right stuff to between the ears to possibly be of interest to a 31 year old. Give her eight more years and maybe, but 17, naw...

 

I agree. And what's worse is that now she just turned 18, but the ex KEPT trying to ask for me back saying "it won't last with her, I just know it." and asking me to "wait" for him when he returns from Afghanistan in 2011...all while engaged to this girl.

 

So unlike the first response which was um...enlightening(?)

I was very much involved still. I just wondered what some people think of that kind of situation. Thanks so much for your response!

[Trimmer]

Wow, is he still out of the country now, and engaged long-distance to this girl? In addition to the age/maturity difference, that sounds like a pretty precarious situation...

[mista_ecks]

that just sounds plain creepy to me.

[taiko]

Most law makers in the world, religious and secular allow for 17 year olds to marry. In some cases with parental consent. Is 31 to 17 really any different then 50 to 30? As a society are we extending childhoods by declaring a 17 year old a child when historically she would be starting a family?

[angie2443]

The man you were with will never mature past the age of 17. You are lucky to be rid of him.

[tigereyes1428]

i agree with angie - it creepy -

[blair08]

Obviously he has an issue with youth. His Own, he is insecure within himself and he THINKS a younger girl, will help him with his issue. More than likely it will be short lived, hopefully when she wises up.

[JackJack]

He is her father figured she probably never really had. And she is his young thang on his arm that he can show off and say, "Look what I got."

[LovelyDaze]

He is her father figured she probably never really had. And she is his young thang on his arm that he can show off and say, "Look what I got."

 

WOW! Thanks to all.

 

JackJack, it is true that she wrote in her blog some angry feelings towards her father who left the family when she was 2, so she never knew him.

 

If I didn't mention it before, my ex was engaged to ANOTHER 17 year old when he was about 24-25. He dumped her before he left for his 1st tour overseas so he "wouldn't have to worry about her cheating."

 

I'm newly in the 30s age group, I guess I am too much of an old maid for his lifestyle...

[LovelyDaze]

Wow, is he still out of the country now, and engaged long-distance to this girl? In addition to the age/maturity difference, that sounds like a pretty precarious situation...

 

Yes. He left for Afghanistan just recently and is still engaged to the girl. She lives in North Las Vegas & is STILL in high school!

 

Yet, he came by my home right after Christmas to tell me for the billionth time that he knows the two won't make it & wants me to "wait" for him when he returns. I feel dumb just for having listened to him without vomiting.

[JackJack]

WOW! Thanks to all.

 

JackJack, it is true that she wrote in her blog some angry feelings towards her father who left the family when she was 2, so she never knew him.

 

If I didn't mention it before, my ex was engaged to ANOTHER 17 year old when he was about 24-25. He dumped her before he left for his 1st tour overseas so he "wouldn't have to worry about her cheating."

 

I'm newly in the 30s age group, I guess I am too much of an old maid for his lifestyle...

 

I truly believe as another poster said, its about insecurities about their own youth too. I'm in my 40's and comfortable in my own skin, therefore I have no real problem being with my wife who is my age, (or if I wasn't married) a woman my age or at least around my age.

 

Sure, there are nice looking younger women and men might look at them, BUT to me looking at a nice looking younger woman walking down the street and acknowledging their beauty is one thing, wanting to be with them, and date/marry them is another. Plus its not just about the look issue, its also about the whole package. To me a 17-18 year old has nothing in common with a 30 something or 40 something year old person. They are both on two completely different wave lengths at those different points in their lives.

[Dark-Farmer]

Wow that's some amazing nerve to ask you to "wait cause it won't work out"

 

If he cared for you in the slightest he would never say or do that. to put you on the back burner while he runs off to screw a highschool girl is disrespectful to the highest degree!

 

He literally left you for a young peice of tail, and is keeping you on the side just in case it doesn't work out for them. The reason he says he's it won't work out for them is cause he isn't in it for it to "work". Take one guess what he's in it for? Yes the pussy.

 

He may as well of stayed with you and said "i want to be with you, but this girl is young and hot, and i want to screw her on the side aswell".

 

There is a word for people like that, it starts with a "D" and ends with a "ouche"

 

Ohh and FYI; 17 maybe legal in lots of countries but 18 is usually the legal age of majority or the age of adulthood so at 17 she is a child.

[make me believe]

17 and 31? He is almost twice her age!! I think there is something wrong with grown "men" who can't seem to relate to women their own age and habitually choose young girls. It just reeks of insecurity, control issues (young girls are much easier to manipulate & control), and CREEPINESS! This guy in particular obviously has issues since this isn't the first time he's been involved with somebody inappropriately younger than he is. Be glad you got rid of him, girlfriend!

[Lizzie60]

This is my ex and he left me for (at the time) a 17 year old a few months ago plus when he was 25 he was engaged to another 17 year old. Just wondered what anyone's thoughts were.

 

He is your ex for a reason.. move on.. what he does now with his life should not concern you..

[LovelyDaze]

Wow that's some amazing nerve to ask you to "wait cause it won't work out"

 

If he cared for you in the slightest he would never say or do that. to put you on the back burner while he runs off to screw a highschool girl is disrespectful to the highest degree!

 

He literally left you for a young peice of tail, and is keeping you on the side just in case it doesn't work out for them. The reason he says he's it won't work out for them is cause he isn't in it for it to "work". Take one guess what he's in it for? Yes the pussy.

 

He may as well of stayed with you and said "i want to be with you, but this girl is young and hot, and i want to screw her on the side aswell".

 

There is a word for people like that, it starts with a "D" and ends with a "ouche"

 

Ohh and FYI; 17 maybe legal in lots of countries but 18 is usually the legal age of majority or the age of adulthood so at 17 she is a child.

 

 

Want to really fall out of your chair, Dark-Farmer? In one of our "reconciliation" chats a couple of months ago he said and I quote, "The sex with her is amazing but I just don't want to marry her, I know it won't last." Yes, he said this to ME. He's STILL engaged BTW.......

[LovelyDaze]

17 and 31? He is almost twice her age!! I think there is something wrong with grown "men" who can't seem to relate to women their own age and habitually choose young girls. It just reeks of insecurity, control issues (young girls are much easier to manipulate & control), and CREEPINESS! This guy in particular obviously has issues since this isn't the first time he's been involved with somebody inappropriately younger than he is. Be glad you got rid of him, girlfriend!

 

Thanks, make me believe.

Before I deleted him off Facebook, he had added the ex-fiancee who is now about 24 or so herself. The new teen fiancee' kept putting little snide quips about his "past" relationships seemingly aimed at her even more than myself. She'd mentioned that he "almost married the wrong one" & stuff like that.

 

Yep, he likes 'em young & then griped that the first teen fiance' had "changed" when she turned 21...um, isn't that called...maturing & growing???

[Trimmer]

He is your ex for a reason.. move on.. what he does now with his life should not concern you..

I agree. He's got his problems, be glad you are past them. Make him your EX, and don't dwell on it. He is your past, and you're lucky for it. Leave him there.

[LovelyDaze]

I agree. He's got his problems, be glad you are past them. Make him your EX, and don't dwell on it. He is your past, and you're lucky for it. Leave him there.

 

Oh trust me, he is. My thread is to get opinions on it. I am all over another board typically pleading with others to do NC as far as their exes go.

 

He came by for another chance while still engaged and I said a definite NO.

 

My ex is off all of my social networking, phone list, e-mail list and very much deleted and blocked.

 

I didn't write the thread in tears over his oddball decision to woo me back while engaged to a kid, just seeing how ridiculous it is through others eyes puts the exclamation point on this debacle of a relationship I had.

 

More than pleased I am no longer in the drama...that's my ex and his teen to deal with.

[Woggle]

If it makes happy what is the problem? Not my thing but to each their own.

[LovelyDaze]

I truly believe as another poster said, its about insecurities about their own youth too. I'm in my 40's and comfortable in my own skin, therefore I have no real problem being with my wife who is my age, (or if I wasn't married) a woman my age or at least around my age.

 

Sure, there are nice looking younger women and men might look at them, BUT to me looking at a nice looking younger woman walking down the street and acknowledging their beauty is one thing, wanting to be with them, and date/marry them is another. Plus its not just about the look issue, its also about the whole package. To me a 17-18 year old has nothing in common with a 30 something or 40 something year old person. They are both on two completely different wave lengths at those different points in their lives.

 

I agree. He told me in November that he sometimes lies awake at night & wonder why he is with her. I always wanted to ask, "then, WHY are you with her?"

 

My ex rationalizes by saying he has to "save her" from her life in her hometown and that she told him that she would have to go back to partying with other men if he didn't marry her. Also he said that they LOVE to fight only to make up again..always over "insignificant s***"(His words)

 

He says he can't stand her but doesn't know how to get out. Seems like he can't stand relationships at all from his history of them.

[In_Repair]

The age difference is none of your business, unless you have children that will be exposed to her... and even then, her age still isn't the main concern.

 

Some of you are making the same tired stereotypical assumptions about people who date out of their own age group. While 17 is kind of "creepy" for me, my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 34, so the age difference is similar. Since my marriage ended a little over a year ago, I've been with women from 20 to 47 years old, so her age really wasn't a factor for me. I didn't chase her at all, and she actually approached me. I will admit that I was very timid of the situation at first because I also made the usual assumptions that people make about young women who go after older men, as the other two younger women that have been in my life were only interested in partying and sex. Now though, a month later, nothing seems strange about our relationship at all. We just click, and I care very much for her. Maybe I'm immature... maybe she is wise beyond her years... either way, does it really matter if they are happy?