conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Ok, so we broke up about 4.5 months ago. Shortly after that, he posts a question on my facebook, which I just blatantly ignore. A week later, I delete him and his 2 friends off facebook. We go NC for a good 3 months after that. All is good, then out of the blue he just emails me telling me about some random article he thought I'd be interested in. Seriously, I thought it's pretty obvious by what I did on fb that I really do not want anythng to do with him, yet he comes and rubs salt on my wounds/scars. Very annoying. Sorry, just needed to vent.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Block his email addy. Seems simple enough to me.
aerogurl87 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Ok, so we broke up about 4.5 months ago. Shortly after that, he posts a question on my facebook, which I just blatantly ignore. A week later, I delete him and his 2 friends off facebook. We go NC for a good 3 months after that. All is good, then out of the blue he just emails me telling me about some random article he thought I'd be interested in. Seriously, I thought it's pretty obvious by what I did on fb that I really do not want anythng to do with him, yet he comes and rubs salt on my wounds/scars. Very annoying. Sorry, just needed to vent. Quick question, when you two broke up did he want to stay friends or even hint at it? I know that I've felt like doing something like this to my ex before because I still wanted to stay friends with him. Maybe he's not trying to open up old wounds, but wants a friendship in the aftermath of the break up. Or maybe he wants you back, could be that too. But I'd have to know how your relationship ended (ex. was it on good terms, did you catch him cheating, etc.)
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Quick question, when you two broke up did he want to stay friends or even hint at it? I know that I've felt like doing something like this to my ex before because I still wanted to stay friends with him. Maybe he's not trying to open up old wounds, but wants a friendship in the aftermath of the break up. Or maybe he wants you back, could be that too. But I'd have to know how your relationship ended (ex. was it on good terms, did you catch him cheating, etc.) 3 weeks after we broke up, he asked me a question about my drawing on facebook, which I ignored and then I deleted him and his 2 friends off fb a week after that. I guess that was his hint that he wanted to be friends, but I think my actions clearly also hinted that I want nothing to do with him. It was NC for a good 3 months until yesterday. I do not want to be friends with him nor do I want us back together. He lied to me a few times about things in our relationship and also treated me badly shortly after my Uncle died. I honestly thought our breakup was pretty mutual, but for some reason he had this urge to insist that he was the one who broke up with me (which I did not comment on after he told me that) because of his ego and I'm pretty sure this time he contacted me just because he wants attention. I did reply to his email, telling him basically that look, I'm sorry I broke up with you (I've always wanted to rub that back in since after all I was the one who said 'that's it!'. I've basically decided just to let it go but he's really pushing my buttons). I told him that I was angry for awhile for his lying (which I also regret never really confronting him about during the breakup but I guess here's my chance to stick it to his face) but came to terms with it. That I told him I thought my hints for him to stop contacting me was obvious but since he did not get it, I have to be straightforward here. I said it was nice of him to email me and share this article, but I've moved on and hope that is the last contact between us. There's a bit more to the email but those were the bullet points. I wasn't sure about writing the email. But did it in the end and I actually slept really well last night as a result. It was like I got stuff off my chest.
dreamergrl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 It sounds like you are both rubbing stuff in each others' faces. If you don't like this game then stop participating. If this is the ex that you started playing games with by taking away the sexual part of your relationship, then you asked for all these games.
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 I didnt want sex until marriage, its not like I cheated, I dont deserve him treating me that way. I only wrote this email to stand up for myself. He did it the intention to boost his ego and hurt me. I did it with the intention of making him stop. I know him well enough to know that the only way for him to stop is if I stick it to his face.
ordinary_girl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 since you are supposed to be in NC just ignore him and go away. there is no need to rub his nose in anything. one day you will be in his shoes
dreamergrl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I didnt want sex until marriage, its not like I cheated, I dont deserve him treating me that way. I only wrote this email to stand up for myself. He did it the intention to boost his ego and hurt me. I did it with the intention of making him stop. I know him well enough to know that the only way for him to stop is if I stick it to his face. You never told him you wanted to wait until many months later. You then proceeded to take away the sexual activities you've already preformed with him. You played a game. You started all this IMO. And you keep playing the game. Don't cry about something you are and have been encouraging. since you are supposed to be in NC just ignore him and go away. there is no need to rub his nose in anything. one day you will be in his shoes Agreed.
ordinary_girl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 sorry I didn't mean to say 'and go away', it was meant to read 'and he will go away'
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 sorry I didn't mean to say 'and go away', it was meant to read 'and he will go away' You can call it rubbing it in, but to me its standing up for myself for once. Trust me, if I just ignored him, he'd bother me again in a few months. I dont need that. By telling him to stop contacting me, he will more likely do that.
phineas Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 You never told him you wanted to wait until many months later. You then proceeded to take away the sexual activities you've already preformed with him. You played a game. You started all this IMO. And you keep playing the game. Don't cry about something you are and have been encouraging. Agreed. That's messed up.
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 You never told him you wanted to wait until many months later. You then proceeded to take away the sexual activities you've already preformed with him. You played a game. You started all this IMO. And you keep playing the game. Don't cry about something you are and have been encouraging. Agreed. First of all, it was not a game. I didn't do it just to play with him. Believe it or not, it was very hard decision for me as well. Second of all, it does not help for him to contact me either. Him doing so will only annoy both of us. I don't want to play games, which is why I went NC. Apparently, he does. And the only for him to stop is if I tell him harshly to leave me alone.
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 dreamergirl - also, has it ever occurred to you that he's lied to me twice as well? I changed my thoughts on sex, but I never lied about it. He's also treated me badly shortly after my uncle's death. You seem to on his side. I understand it must have been frustrating for him as well in terms of the sex issues, but that does not mean he can lie to me and hurt me when I"m already hurt by the loss of my close uncle.
dreamergrl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I believe if it wasn't a game for you, you would not have had sexual contact of any type until you knew it was or wasn't what you wanted. It is fine to want to wait until marriage, but to grope, kiss, do oral and such, then tell him you can't do it any more is a bit wrong. And be honest right away that you want to wait. You toyed with him, and now he's toying with you. You keep it going by responding. I think you like the attention. Other wise you'd just ignore him.
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 I believe if it wasn't a game for you, you would not have had sexual contact of any type until you knew it was or wasn't what you wanted. It is fine to want to wait until marriage, but to grope, kiss, do oral and such, then tell him you can't do it any more is a bit wrong. And be honest right away that you want to wait. You toyed with him, and now he's toying with you. You keep it going by responding. I think you like the attention. Other wise you'd just ignore him. I just wrote another post to u up above as well about his lies and my uncles death. I was ok with sex before, but I changed my mind...you don't seem to grasp that. I've already ignored him once and deleted him off fb. He doesnt seem to get the hint. My email to him yesterday told him to please stop all contact with me. If I liked the attention, I wouldn't be here 'crying' like you say. Luckily I did not actually shed one single tear over this.
silic0ntoad Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I just wrote another post to u up above as well about his lies and my uncles death. I was ok with sex before, but I changed my mind...you don't seem to grasp that. I've already ignored him once and deleted him off fb. He doesnt seem to get the hint. My email to him yesterday told him to please stop all contact with me. If I liked the attention, I wouldn't be here 'crying' like you say. Luckily I did not actually shed one single tear over this. She makes a valid point though. It's like a bait and switch. Ok, come on, sleep with me, now I've got you, BOOP. No more sex. Not knowing what you want and willingly participating in sexual activities and then withdrawing them is playing a game. If I were him, I would have dumped your a$$ on the spot.
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 She makes a valid point though. It's like a bait and switch. Ok, come on, sleep with me, now I've got you, BOOP. No more sex. Not knowing what you want and willingly participating in sexual activities and then withdrawing them is playing a game. If I were him, I would have dumped your a$$ on the spot. Somehow everyone on this board think that what I did to him is worse than how he lied to me twice, once about him saying he went out with his old roommate when instead it was another girl he just met. Not to mention his utter insenstiviity shortly after my uncle just died. Seems like a double standard to me and one-sided.
dreamergrl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Look, a lot of people look at sex as an important part of a relationship. He probably looks at it as important too. You took that back from him. In his mind, he was dumbfounded as how you could give it to him, then decide it's not what you want. He probably felt undesirable and unwanted. You started this. Why should he have given you what you needed still, when you took back something he needed? And now you are complaining about this new currant game, but you are still participating. If you didn't like the attention and the drama of it, why would you keep it going? You want to validate yourself here, and it's not working, at least not from MPOV
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Look, a lot of people look at sex as an important part of a relationship. He probably looks at it as important too. You took that back from him. In his mind, he was dumbfounded as how you could give it to him, then decide it's not what you want. He probably felt undesirable and unwanted. You started this. Why should he have given you what you needed still, when you took back something he needed? And now you are complaining about this new currant game, but you are still participating. If you didn't like the attention and the drama of it, why would you keep it going? You want to validate yourself here, and it's not working, at least not from MPOV I was also dumbfounded by how he supposedly loved me so much but lied to me and treated me badly after the death of my uncle. You never addresssed those things. I didnt start this game. I wanted NC. He's the one who started with the emailing to rub salt in my wounds. Furthermore, I'm not even continuing with the game. That's why I emailed him to stop contact. You're nitpicking at stuff but you're not looking at the big picture. It's like the guy proposes to the girl and they want to get married but then she does some stupid things and the guy calls it off. Put sex in place of that. It's called changing the mind. People do it all the time. You shouldn't say he was wrong for doing it. He did what he had to do....
dreamergrl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I was also dumbfounded by how he supposedly loved me so much but lied to me and treated me badly after the death of my uncle. You never addresssed those things. It goes both ways. I didnt start this game. I wanted NC. He's the one who started with the emailing to rub salt in my wounds. Furthermore, I'm not even continuing with the game. That's why I emailed him to stop contact. You're nitpicking at stuff but you're not looking at the big picture. You started this game with using sex as a toy with him. It's like the guy proposes to the girl and they want to get married but then she does some stupid things and the guy calls it off. Put sex in place of that. It's called changing the mind. People do it all the time. You shouldn't say he was wrong for doing it. He did what he had to do.... The title of the thread was "I finally told him no sex until marriage after two months". You didn't change your mind. Don't switch up the context to suit you. If you want to make comparisons, it would be closer if you said "Guy marries girl after not knowing if he wanted to be married to her".
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Furthermore, I never said it was wrong of my ex to disagree with me about the sex. I just said it's wrong he lied, its wrong he treated me badly after my uncles died, that he rubs salt in my wounds, email me with stupid stuff after I made obvious I want nothing to do with him. So are you agreeing that he is so right to be emailing me and rubbing salt in my wounds? I already apologized to him about the sex stuff before and for changing my mind. Yet he likes to try to pop into my life to make me feel bad. I'm not the one throwing him with messages and emails. He is. And if he doesnt love me because I dont want sex with him, then ok, he should just leave it at that. No need to try to rub stuff in. What I did in my email was just self defense and to prevent him from bothering me further. All you do dreamergirl is pinpoint in the whole sex thing, while ignoring nearly everything else i say.
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 It goes both ways. You started this game with using sex as a toy with him. The title of the thread was "I finally told him no sex until marriage after two months". You didn't change your mind. Don't switch up the context to suit you. If you want to make comparisons, it would be closer if you said "Guy marries girl after not knowing if he wanted to be married to her". First of all, can you read my mind? Are you willing to bet $20,000 that I in fact did not change my mind? How certain are you? Because I know I'd be willing to bet that because I know what the answer to that question is. I did change my mind. I put my money on that.
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 It goes both ways. You started this game with using sex as a toy with him. The title of the thread was "I finally told him no sex until marriage after two months". You didn't change your mind. Don't switch up the context to suit you. If you want to make comparisons, it would be closer if you said "Guy marries girl after not knowing if he wanted to be married to her". Look the whole sex thing was OVER MONTHS ago. We went NC. HE started the game 3 MONTHS later with his email.
dreamergrl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Because you set the tone for the game playing. Sure it is immature to throw salt on the wound if that is what he is doing, but you started it and you keep it going by responding. And you are wrong. You started the game with sex.
Author conehead Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Because you set the tone for the game playing. Sure it is immature to throw salt on the wound if that is what he is doing, but you started it and you keep it going by responding. And you are wrong. You started the game with sex. You ignored my post about willing to bet, which means you're prob not willing to. Yet you are somehow so certain that I'm wrong, while scared to bet.
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