AngelDollFace Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 My New Years Resolution is to respect myself more. It's time to stop "saying" I deserve more. Saying it isn't getting me anywhere. I need to stand up for what I deserve in life and be willing to walk away from anyone that would have me think less of myself or try to convince me that I am worth less or that I deserve to be treated badly. I deserve to be loved and cared for like everyone else. And this year I will be. I dated my ex b/f for 1.5 years. There were more than a few issues along the way. Some my fault... most his fault. The warning sign should have come up when he told me that he had never been in a relationship over one year long- or when he dissed me for our second date to have sex for the first time with a girl he had met from out of town a few months before. But we weren't committed then so I over looked it as painful as it was. In the last 1.5 years he : 1)Put up 5 ads on craigslist for dates and one of those was asking for fetish sex... it said, "I am a male that just wants to fulfill my fetish for some time with a lactating woman. We don't have to nessesarly have sex, I just want to be nursed. Your picture for mine.." , exact quote. 2) Cultivated friendships with many women online for "fun"- even had a sexual conversation with one where he said, "if you don't come over and give it to me my girlfriend will come... I just have to call her" 3) Invited another girl to dinner at a steak house with a gift card that was given to both of us. 4) Met and had a date with a woman and kissed her... maybe more... dumped me after because I said he couldn't talk to her if he wanted to have me in his life.... of course he came crawling back later. 5) Cultivated a relationship with an ex and made out with her in public. 6)Told me I was worthless because I had a hard time finding a job 7) Got me thrown on the floor by a bouncer at a bar (and thrown out of the bar) when he led the bouncer to believe that I wasn't his girlfriend and that he was afraid of me... lies. 8) Wasn't always very nice to my daughter who can be a little hyper... his daughter is a pathological liar- but I guess that's okay. 9) Threw me out of his house at 5am after I had been drinking and was too drunk to drive... because I am a vegetarian and wouldn't eat a hamburger. 10) Kept money from me on more than one occasion even though he has 6k in the bank. 11) in the beginning convinced me he was so poor and broke so i'd pay for everything out of guilt... later I found out about his big bank account. 12) Told me he didn't like my fashion or my hair. 13) Told me I was fat because he wanted to be mean so I'd leave. I am not fat. 14) Told me my friend was cuter. 15) had physical altercations where I became injured (including bleeding) on more than one occasion. 16) Crumpled up pictures of me and threw them in the trash more than once 17) Referenced some abuse I had suffered as a child in a joking matter. I won't even repeat what he said... it was THAT horrible. 18) Told me he loved me but that it wasn't the kind of love where he'd die for me or die to save me.... I'd do that for a stranger even. 19) Texted women constantly to say he was thinking of them on the cell phone i bought him as a gift. 20) copied an "i love you" type text to me and 2 other women at the same time. 21) Never cared about my job and kept me up till 3 or 4am regularly fighting and going out and got mad if I wanted to leave a club early 22) Got mad at me because he had to leave the bar recently because some guy knocked me down a flight of cement stairs on accident and I was injured badly. 23) Let his friend who openly made sexual advances on me treat me like dirt after I told him I wasn't interested... then my ex bf blamed me for his friend not liking me 24) Has left me at a bar, at a gas station and once outside a hotel in the middle of the night with no ride home because he just didn't care or got mad. There is so much more. You get the point. We've broken up for a day and gotten back together over and over. Anytime I stop talking to him he chases me down and tells me he loves me and says the perfect thing to win me back. He told me recently he'd never marry me and referenced us being too different because I don't clean bathrooms as well as he does. We broke up again recently and I am really trying to make it my resolution to walk away and demand respect with no contact. I know the virtues of no contact. I was raised as a "rules girl". I know the worst way to hurt a guy ISN'T to show up at a place he hangs out with another guy... that means a girl still cares.... the way to really hurt a man is to walk away and never look back and never talk to them again... that messes with the ego and men don't do well with that. I am smart and pretty but I let this guy treat me like dirt and I keep going back to him. I need to end this once and for all but I am afraid of my jealousy if I find out he is with someone else. I am afraid of that awful feeling i'll feel when he moves on in a week like I never mattered. I am so scared and alone. I let this relationship kill my self confidence. I don't know what I am looking for here... words of encouragement? someone to agree he was a creep? a friend? I don't know. I just needed to tell someone how I am feeling. I keep saying I won't contact him back... he contacts me a lot to say how much he loves and misses me. But I always break down and talk to him again because I don't want to hurt his feelings. He makes me weak. I know for him to treat me so badly that it means he doesn't love me as much as himself. We had some good times... amazing intimacy... he is helpful around the house.... he works and has his own home and is independent... he always told me I was beautiful and that he loved me and he was very very affectionate. < All the things I didn't have when I was married for 10 years. Help me please. I don't want to fall back into this but I know I will and I'll hate myself even more than I do now. Not to mention the bad example I am setting for my sweet daughter. Sorry this is so long
Vampire Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 My New Years Resolution is to respect myself more. It's time to stop "saying" I deserve more. Saying it isn't getting me anywhere. I need to stand up for what I deserve in life That's it, right there. It's what we deserve, and not what we should be subjected to or have to put up with. I'm fully with you on the loneliness - click my name and read the same old story.You'll find we all have that common theme. I can't offer huge words of wisdom, as 6 months on, I'm still trying to value myself and like myself as a person. In effect, I'm trying to undo all the damage. I hope you can start doing the same thing.
gaudi Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 We had some good times... amazing intimacy... he is helpful around the house.... he works and has his own home and is independent... he always told me I was beautiful and that he loved me and he was very very affectionate. < All the things I didn't have when I was married for 10 years. OK, the part of your thread I've quoted is the part that you need to forget, and keep in mind every other word you've posted. YOU DO NOT NEED HIM, HE NEEDS YOU. He doesn't deserve or want you, your daughter does. Make sure you put you and your daughter first in everything. Forget all about him, DO NOT CONTACT HIM ANYMORE. Easier said than done right ?? That's why we're here...x
madrugada Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Oh my. After all that, you worry you'll go back to him because he's independent and he helps around the house? First of all, run. Get away from this guy. You said yourself you deserve more, and you do. No one deserves the crap you've put up with. Go back and read your list. Read it again. And again. Every time you think about him, read the list. He is an abuser, physically and emotionally. He doesn't deserve you, or anybody else. What he deserves, all he deserves, is his own special place in hell. Do yourself a favor and cut this cancer out of your life for good. Not only for yourself, but for your daughter. We're all here for you. Stay strong.
You'reasian Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I feel really, really bad for your situation. There are women like yourself involved with guys like you describe - then you meet a guy like me - then find yourself getting bored and back with a different guy like you describe. Unhealthy, I'm afraid.
Author AngelDollFace Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I feel really, really bad for your situation. There are women like yourself involved with guys like you describe - then you meet a guy like me - then find yourself getting bored and back with a different guy like you describe. Unhealthy, I'm afraid. I know women like that^. I am actually not one of them. I am afraid of being alone I think. I want a nice boring guy. Heck... I am as boring as it gets... it doesn't matter that I am cute .... I am the biggest most boring girl I know... I play computer games whenever I get the chance. I read everything I can get my hands on . I am not some cool chick I am looking for my boring, nice guy. The problem is that the guys are really good at pretending to be nice long enough for us to fall in love with them. Then they pull a switch-aroo on us. We women are born loyal- we feel bad if we don't stick to that love once we feel it... when sometimes all we really should be doing is running like hell.
Author AngelDollFace Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Thank you all for the support. It really means a lot to me. My friends and family (the few I have since I am very, very shy) are all angry with me and screaming at me to leave him and they just don't seem to get how hard it can be to walk away from love. I very rarely feel attracted to anyone. I like nerdy guys as opposed to what most women find attractive and I never know if I'll like a guy or not until I meet them... then it either clicks or it doesn't. I can't explain it. I can't even tell you what I am looking for in a man because I never know until I find one that seems worth loving. Very few men have earned my love over the years. I've had bad luck with those men though. Anyhow... thank you for the moral support. I am not some girl who hates herself etc etc like my friends think... I just have a hard time walking away. If my friends had to be in my place they'd get it but fortunately for them (and I am thankful to say) all my friends have found wonderful men to be with.
Vampire Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 We women are born loyal You want to meet my ex one day? And the one before that? Oh and the one before that? Yeah, and the one before that. You see where I'm going with this? Men and women are equal, or at least have the equal capacity to **** us over when we least expect it.
LovelyDaze Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 You want to meet my ex one day? And the one before that? Oh and the one before that? Yeah, and the one before that. You see where I'm going with this? Men and women are equal, or at least have the equal capacity to **** us over when we least expect it. That's true. There are plenty of men as their is us women here on LS. To the OP: Your ex is a complete ass. He is into dysfunction and destructive behavior. And you're right, he does NOT love you because love doesn't hurt...let me go further...love is not brutal.
Author AngelDollFace Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) You want to meet my ex one day? And the one before that? Oh and the one before that? Yeah, and the one before that. You see where I'm going with this? Men and women are equal, or at least have the equal capacity to **** us over when we least expect it. I wasn't speaking ill of men. I didn't mean to sound that way. I was trying to convey that it seems like a lot of women stick around way longer than they should. Martyr syndrome I am sure some men go through that just the same. In my experience though with the women I know we always stay around longer than we should Should I tell the ex I am done talking to him or just stop talking? I feel so guilty hurting him even if he did hurt me. I know there are plenty of evil women out there too. Like the kind who decide to get pregnant to "trap" a man. I def know how some women can be. I am nothing like that though so maybe one day i'll find my match Edited January 5, 2010 by AngelDollFace
LovelyDaze Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Should I tell the ex I am done talking to him or just stop talking? I feel so guilty hurting him even if he did hurt me. Yep. Just stop talking to him altogether. It will speak more volumes than any words ever can. The problem with some of us dumpees is that we think another conversation will fix it all. No, the relationship is in sharp shards and pieces that you can't see. Here you are barefoot with no gloves. You can't fix it with all the glue in the entire world.
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