shadowplay Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 He calls me "baby" and "dear" when we talk. He sent me a couple of "Thinking of you" texts while he was at work. When I was over for the weekend I wore my favorite t-shirt, this jersey-type thing with "Trouble" on the back of it. That's his new nickname for me. He's good at photography and he wanted some pictures of me, so we had a little photo shoot. We were going through our favorites and he kept exclaiming over them. With one in particular he said, "You're amazing." When I got home that evening he said that he couldn't stop looking at them. He expresses sincere interest in me and how I spend my time; he asks questions about my day that go beyond the typical "How are you?" He remembers things that I tell him. For example, I told him I wasn't going to NY with my aunt; I was going to stay here in her tiny little house and dogsit for her. The other night, I was still up, it was really late; I got an IM from him. He'd just woken up, couldn't go back to sleep. After a bit of conversation he asked, "You and the dog are keeping safe?" Do you mind if I ask whether you guys have slept together? If you haven't, broaching the topic when things are going in that direction would be a good time.
alphamale Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 He calls me "baby" and "dear" when we talk. He sent me a couple of "Thinking of you" texts while he was at work. When I was over for the weekend I wore my favorite t-shirt, this jersey-type thing with "Trouble" on the back of it. That's his new nickname for me. He's good at photography and he wanted some pictures of me, so we had a little photo shoot. We were going through our favorites and he kept exclaiming over them. With one in particular he said, "You're amazing." When I got home that evening he said that he couldn't stop looking at them. He expresses sincere interest in me and how I spend my time; he asks questions about my day that go beyond the typical "How are you?" He remembers things that I tell him. For example, I told him I wasn't going to NY with my aunt; I was going to stay here in her tiny little house and dogsit for her. The other night, I was still up, it was really late; I got an IM from him. He'd just woken up, couldn't go back to sleep. After a bit of conversation he asked, "You and the dog are keeping safe?" this guy is a major player, he knows the tricks
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 this guy is a major player, he knows the tricks Yup, I called it! ^5 I hope you haven't already had sex with him, Tigress...
Author tigressA Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 WRONG! After TWO dates, exclusivity should NOT be a subject of conversation, expensive trips or not (and from his perspective, I doubt he sees $56 for an entire trip as expensive). Yeah, of course not. I mean, he doesn't even know how much I've paid; I never told him. And I think I said this already, but he's paid for everything while I was with him. Thinking of it his way, it's not expensive at all, but when you consider my perspective, being a college student, not having been able to find a job, having a very very limited budget...it adds up very quickly. As does everything else, hahaha.
Author tigressA Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Yup, I called it! ^5 I hope you haven't already had sex with him, Tigress... No, I haven't slept with him.
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 WRONG! After TWO dates, exclusivity should NOT be a subject of conversation, expensive trips or not (and from his perspective, I doubt he sees $56 for an entire trip as expensive). I wouldn't mention anything resembling commitment this early on either. After learning from my past, I never bring up exclusivity with someone I am dating. I much prefer they fall into enough of a comfort level with me that they bring it up, or it just happens naturally. If it's not happening naturally, I bail or they will.
alphamale Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Yup, I called it! ^5 ... i already said he's a player in the first thread but tigressA didn't listen
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 No, I haven't slept with him. AWESOME! Okay... don't have the talk. Don't. And don't sleep with him yet. Just keep going, enjoy your time with him. If $$ reeeeally becomes an issue for you, tell him. Let him decide what to do at that point - whether he volunteers that it's worth your while (aka he wants to be exclusive) or ponies up the money for you to travel. But whatever you do, do not have that "talk."
Author tigressA Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 AWESOME! Okay... don't have the talk. Don't. And don't sleep with him yet. Just keep going, enjoy your time with him. If $$ reeeeally becomes an issue for you, tell him. Let him decide what to do at that point - whether he volunteers that it's worth your while (aka he wants to be exclusive) or ponies up the money for you to travel. But whatever you do, do not have that "talk." Yeah, I'm not going to have that talk. And money already is an issue. To the point where I can't afford another visit before I go back to school.
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Yeah, I'm not going to have that talk. And money already is an issue. To the point where I can't afford another visit before I go back to school. Then just tell him that... and let HIM figure it out. If he wants to see you, he'll find a way, and make it worth your while.
alphamale Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 this guy has tangled tigressA into his web of deceipt...so much so that she's already in love w/ him and not thinking straight
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Yeah, I'm not going to have that talk. And money already is an issue. To the point where I can't afford another visit before I go back to school. If he's worth it, he should offer to come see you! Glad to see you aren't going to have the talk. If there is one thing I've learned from many years of dating, and from talking to male friends- "the talk" is the kiss of death.
Author tigressA Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Then just tell him that... and let HIM figure it out. If he wants to see you, he'll find a way, and make it worth your while. Yeah, okay. Nothing at all has been said about another visit, but I'm going to watch for that, definitely--if he doesn't offer a way for me to see him, then I'll know he's not worth it. In other news, I'm seeing Guy #1 tomorrow. We're watching a movie and having a dance party at his house, haha.
alphamale Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 In other news, I'm seeing Guy #1 tomorrow. We're watching a movie and having a dance party at his house, haha. yay for guy #1 :)
shadowplay Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 He calls me "baby" and "dear" when we talk. He sent me a couple of "Thinking of you" texts while he was at work. When I was over for the weekend I wore my favorite t-shirt, this jersey-type thing with "Trouble" on the back of it. That's his new nickname for me. He's good at photography and he wanted some pictures of me, so we had a little photo shoot. We were going through our favorites and he kept exclaiming over them. With one in particular he said, "You're amazing." When I got home that evening he said that he couldn't stop looking at them. He expresses sincere interest in me and how I spend my time; he asks questions about my day that go beyond the typical "How are you?" He remembers things that I tell him. For example, I told him I wasn't going to NY with my aunt; I was going to stay here in her tiny little house and dogsit for her. The other night, I was still up, it was really late; I got an IM from him. He'd just woken up, couldn't go back to sleep. After a bit of conversation he asked, "You and the dog are keeping safe?" I don't have enough info to say anything definitive, but I guess the thing about his gestures that seems playerish is they're too intimate given how well you know each other. Calling you "baby," for example, when you've only been on two dates.
Author tigressA Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Yeah, that's true...I never really thought of it as 'playerish' (good word, haha) until people here posted saying that. And that's got me thinking about just how he is in general...I definitely got a super-smooth type of vibe from him.
Star Gazer Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I don't have enough info to say anything definitive, but I guess the thing about his gestures that seems playerish is they're too intimate given how well you know each other. Calling you "baby," for example, when you've only been on two dates. And yet, you think that she should have "the talk"?? Doesn't that seem counter intuitive? You want them to be BF/GF, but not allow him to use pet names? I agree with your conclusion in this post, but it just doesn't jive with everything else you said...
Author tigressA Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) Yeah, that's true...I never really thought of it as 'playerish' (good word, haha) until people here posted saying that. And that's got me thinking about just how he is in general...I definitely got a super-smooth type of vibe from him. EDIT: On the other hand, we talked a lot, every day, for several weeks before meeting, and we've continued that. He didn't start with the pet name stuff until a few days before I came to see him this past weekend. He initiates every conversation. Not sure what that could mean, but just giving context to the "knowing each other" bit. Additionally, I don't respond in kind to the pet names. Edited January 5, 2010 by tigressA
shadowplay Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) And yet, you think that she should have "the talk"?? Doesn't that seem counter intuitive? You want them to be BF/GF, but not allow him to use pet names? I agree with your conclusion in this post, but it just doesn't jive with everything else you said... Pet names in my experience usually come after a couple goes exclusive. Also, I feel like there's something insincere about a guy using pet names and the like when he's seeing somebody else. I was pushing for the exclusivity thing because of the special circumstances of their courtship (travel expenses, the difficulty of them seeing each other). It would be a shame for her to waste a big part of her budget on a guy who isn't serious. Edited January 5, 2010 by shadowplay
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Another vote for smooth talking playa. None of his compliments really sound sincere. Also, never forget the conversation you and him had before you two met and him being iffy about you wanting a long term relationship. He sort of implied there and then that he is after short term. I would actually like you to have the talk because that would kill this "relationship" sooner. Otherwise, I am afraid that you will just end up liking him way too much and being strung along.
pandagirl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Is he really a player? Maybe. But, Tigress is also seeing another guy -- does that qualify her as a player, too? Maybe they're just two people who are enjoying dating multiple people? Tigress, keep on seeing other guys, and just keep guy #3 around. You like him, he seems to like you. Just don't make him your main focus. YOU ARE THE PRIZE! And if he doesn't want you, there's always guy #4, 5 or 6 around the bend!
Author tigressA Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Is he really a player? Maybe. But, Tigress is also seeing another guy -- does that qualify her as a player, too? Maybe they're just two people who are enjoying dating multiple people? Tigress, keep on seeing other guys, and just keep guy #3 around. You like him, he seems to like you. Just don't make him your main focus. YOU ARE THE PRIZE! And if he doesn't want you, there's always guy #4, 5 or 6 around the bend! Yeah, I was only considering making him the main focus because of my connection with him. But I'm glad I posted here about this; I can see people's points clearly. I'm starting to pull back from him a lot, I am continuing to see other people--er, one other person. I may open the doors to Guy(s) #4, 5 and 6...hahaha .
Author tigressA Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Huh. I was browsing on OKCupid just now. Out of a wild curiosity, I looked up Guy #3's username and...it yielded no results. He got rid of his profile. I had deleted mine awhile back (it's since been reinstated) but as far as I knew he still had his up.
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