oxfordsocks Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Well the last time i saw a picture of my MM and his wife on Facebook i skirted the issue. He asked me to be direct. So this time i did. Yet another wonderful picture of him and wife at an occasion--. My nasty side of me would love to post his naked ass pictures that he has sent me recently of himself and send along a message to her. Why do these pictures bother me so--after all I told me that me and my husband "slept" together over the holidays so heck this is just a picture. I guess that is much worse than an old picture. I still don't get why these pictures keep popping up(my fault for not deleting the last link with her apparent message to me) then i wouldn't have seen it. But then its not like i can't just put her name in at any time and see on facebook anyway. I just don't get it---i hate how i feel seeing these pictures. I can't fathom putting my husbands and I's picture up there for the world to see when we are going through our separation. I told him--he is worried about "destroying her" but each picture does that to me. maybe its karma--I am getting my medicine back for being part of an "affair" I honestly wish he would tell her--hey stop putting those pictures up--your making it worse on everyone--his kids who see those pictures-his relatives that are on facebook that "know" about us--doesn't he see how worse that looks for her . I hate feeling like this--and part of me thinks you know what she has no clue about you Oxfordsocks and never has and never will. I have had concern over a picture before on here but can't find the old link(probably to upset to see)
2sunny Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 it's her right to do anything she wants - she's the one married to him after all... but, she's probably doing it on purpose... in case you may look. he denies... but that is just him being wimpy and not standing up for you. do you really think he's going to say to her "hey, don't put up those pictures of our fun times together - it hurts my OW feelings!" nope - he spares HER feelings - not yours... does that tell you what you need to know? his alliance is with her - his actions prove it... now is the time to accept that and realize he is just a liar like the rest of them. he's probably hoping you won't look. he'll lie again - say it was an event loooong ago. most women put up RECENT pictures... the ones that make for good memories and represent good times.
Author oxfordsocks Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 thanks 2sunny--the last picture she put up was from 2007(he showed me pictures from that event) and his daughter is much younger--so i knew he was telliing the truth. but yes i too would believe most pictures are recent--at least that is what i do Your right on all accounts. Why can't i just say--call me when your away from your wife......and be done with it--all of it--all of the insecurities.
2sunny Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 thanks 2sunny--the last picture she put up was from 2007(he showed me pictures from that event) and his daughter is much younger--so i knew he was telliing the truth. but yes i too would believe most pictures are recent--at least that is what i do Your right on all accounts. Why can't i just say--call me when your away from your wife......and be done with it--all of it--all of the insecurities. do it - you will no longer feel so vulnerable to his every move. tell him, when you are divorced and it's final - call me.
BlueeyedJonesy Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I'm sorry but you sound incredibly selfish about this whole situation. If I were going through a separation with my H and I still loved him, your dang right I would post pictures of us together. Suck it up, you had an affair with a married man and these are the consequences. You think it hurts to see pictures of them together? Imagine what it feels like for your husband to mess around behind your back.
Author oxfordsocks Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 i go between beating myself up everyday all day about this affair(which actually is not your regular run of the mill i see him all the time affair) he lives in Uk -me in another country-- I beat myself up everyday with my own family and wish that my husband and i could have not lost what we once had. Now i am in this precarious situation which i never dreamed i would be--I am an educated women-used to standing infront of a judge everyday for my job--and i find it hard to confront the most basic things sometimes about all of this. I dream about his children--i wonder how it feels to be her--to be my husband---there is always something i am beating myself up for. i dont take anything lightly--if i did why would i waste my time looking for opinions here. Not sympathy--not justification just simple answers to the thoughts i have swirling in my head day after day. Is it my fault that both of our marriages have gone bad--they were like that before MM and i ever met. My husband knows everything--i am not lying to him--my husband who has been married to me for 15 years has told me that he can't deny how i feel about this person---he says the love i have shown for him is different--he sees it in my face. He wants me happy and wants that for him to down the road(this other level of love he says). I thank you for saying though and in answer to my question that yes you would post pictures of good times--I can't post the pictures of me and my husband and won't because it is painful for me
2sunny Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 these feelings are easier to restore with your H when they aren't being misdirected to your OM.
Bryanp Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Your husband seems like a very good guy who still loves you and wishes you happiness in your life. Your lover has no problem cheating on his wife and children and having an affair with a married woman. Who sounds like a better man to you.
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Do yourself a favour. DELETE HER NAME AND BLOCK HER that way nothing shows up anymore.. Or are you looking at her page, even though you're not her friend? Or is this showing up on your MM's page? Sounds obsessive and a not too healthy situation/affair you're in.. Are you happy with your life? If not, DO something to change it and either fix your marriage, forget MM, move on, or divorce your H. To sit and play both sides, get hurt, and hurt your H is just going to get worse down the road.
jennie-jennie Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Oxford, you have trust issues with your MM. Isn't it true that every time you mistrusted him he has proved you wrong? If you are going to have a relationship with this man in the future, you will have to learn to trust him.
NoIDidn't Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Isn't this picture only her profile pic that shows up in an internal FB message she once sent you? If so, delete it, problem solved. You can't be upset with what you don't know about. I can imagine your MM is quietly perturbed about something so petty and easily avoidable.
seibert253 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 I'm sorry but you sound incredibly selfish about this whole situation. If I were going through a separation with my H and I still loved him, your dang right I would post pictures of us together. Suck it up, you had an affair with a married man and these are the consequences. You think it hurts to see pictures of them together? Imagine what it feels like for your husband to mess around behind your back. Couldn't have said it any better. Bravo BEJ.
2sunny Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Oxford, you have trust issues with your MM. Isn't it true that every time you mistrusted him he has proved you wrong? If you are going to have a relationship with this man in the future, you will have to learn to trust him. a MM? :lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:
Author oxfordsocks Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 2 sunnny --what Jennie Jennie was referring to was a previous picture i got all flustered with that turned out to be over 2 years old. This one now is apparantly 3 years old --- Yes its hard to trust (of course it is ) ---but so far there has not been anything that i can 'catch him" on. Yes i do feel sometimes that i am lookiing for the axe to fall -- It seems to happen alot around LS this is a situation of my own making and complicated by living in two different countries so not so easy To be together means some heavy losses for him---The messages i left him last night about the picture apparantly left him feeling that i was just going to end things. He was up all night looking for me online--he had no clue what picture i had scene---what was going on --I told him that i was tired of being the secret--tired of alot of things-- We talked a lot today---but i got the stomach bug inbetween -and have been in bed all day thinking. We do talk about everything--and yes his wife is trying to mend them I said well ii guess if your still there-still sleeping in same bed -she still doesn't not know about me from her last text she saw from me on his phone in October--than yes i guess she can think there is something to be mended We even talked about me being physically with my husband on Christmas Eve morning--I call it holiday sex--it just happened--we don't even share a bed --MM has not been with his wife since September even though he says she asks. (i have read lots about that too here--and men saying they don't when they do) but i tell him if i have been with my spouse so no reason really for him not to tell me. He said even last night she leaned over and grabbed his leg during a Tv program and said --i am horny--shall we?(around 9/10 last night) he said no--no excuses -just a no--, and she asked a few times during the holidays but he says that he feels no problem in refusing(up until the summer he never did if she initiated). I haven't seen hiim in almost 7 months (he has been with his wife physcially 3 times during that time) 2 of which were in the week we "broke Up" I have no idea why i am going on about this-
jennie-jennie Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 (edited) "Holiday sex" - I know just what you mean. I was so tempted to have that when my ex visited for Christmas. So tempted I was even dreaming of having sex with him last night! And wondering in my dream if the best thing to do was to lie about it to my MM!!! My MM has not had sex with his wife since last May. And I do believe him too, because for 3 1/2 years he told me he was having sex with her. Why change the story? I would rather trust the guy I love and get fooled, than not trust the guy I love and find out that he WAS trustworthy. In my country we have this saying: It is better to listen to the string that burst than to never draw a bow. Edited January 6, 2010 by jennie-jennie
Author oxfordsocks Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Yes the sex thing always confuses me--sometimes i wonder if its just human need for touch --desire-doesn't feel like love i know that--It is nice to hear the optimistic side of trust--your quote rather have the bow break is an interesting approach. I know my sister has a lot of trouble trusting guys and i do think she always thinks the worst(i guess growing up with an alcoholic father) can do that. I haven't had to worry about any trust issues from the day i met my husband. He is a good guy--if i had met him the way i have currently met this MM than perhaps i would be questioning him too. It is the way things come about sometimes. Its a shame yes to be in an affair-but i am not a coniving person--in fact I just got offline with MM and told him--get outside build a nice fire in your chimnea and roast hotdogs when his daughter and wife get home. He is in Uk and they haven't had this much snow for 30 years. So likely they won't see it like this again for a very long time. He got all teary and can't believe that i would suggest something like that. I asked him to enjoy the moments --he said he would think of the last time he sat outside with a fire(his daughters prom) with her and her friends while his wife was away on a trip--i helped him with all that he needed to get done the week leading up to it--food etc...(got him to order flowers for his daughter for her big night) I will never ever disclose that to her as i want it to remain her Dads idea(and what do dad's know anyway about those things). I said don't think of that night--enjoy tonight for what it is and i meant it. I do want to hear the sound of the bow break rather than not hear the music. thanks Jennie Jennie
Author oxfordsocks Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 Why did i cheat? something i never would have thought possible-EVER Never one thing that makes it "right" I have read some many things abaout why people have affairs--this maybe is the "exit" affair-i have been very unhappy for a long time--have done marriage counselling--2 times-- WAs concerned that perhaps i had "sexual problems" no desire--felt it must be me--I tried every trick in the book with him--to no avail-outfits, creams, places, nothing sparked anything. I went online to find perhaps other things that interested me(which he knew about and sat with me and watched) Still nothing turned his head and turned me on with him. 15 years of marriage --a lot of unhappy times in that 15 ---resentment, myhusband is Italian and I did everything around the house and worked and got my boys to hockey He showed up to eat my dinners and watch their games. So many things i could list---doesn't make it right--I never ever said it was right. I suffered depression --then miraculously I met MM--and i was cured How does that happen? How it showed just how unhappy i was Does it make it right No There seemed to be something always missing from my marriage. I met MM and left my country to meet him--he in turn came to mine. Who does this?? Who actually gets on a place to go and meet someone they have only talked to online. There must be so many reasons people have affairs and too many to list and certainly way more than my reasons. BUt it happened. I think my and my husband get along wonderfully now--but we do not have and not have had the married connection for a long long time(not just the length of my affair) Does it make it right-no the only one who really matters--and actually he has never asked me why is my spouse. He has never asked because he knows--he feels it too. He hasn't ever made me feel shameful about it(well one minor word once) and he tells me that he sees such a difference in the way i talk about this other person and wants to find it for himself too one day. Still doesn't make it right and i know have to struggle with words to my kids about honesty, respect etcc while also realizing that life is not so black and white all the time--try that with a 13 and 10 year old.
Angel1111 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 If someone (even someone who's not your 'friend' on facebook) tags him in a picture, it'll show up to everyone who's 'friends' with him. I see a lot of my son's pics from college that way. You know, very few people are cut out for affairs. I don't really understand this situation because by the way you describe it, it sounds like you're saying they're separated. I can't tell for sure, though. Regardless, the best way to deal with this stuff is to just delete him from facebook and end the affair. You're not ever going to be ok with this stuff, nor should you.
Angel1111 Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 So, while your H is trustworthy, he doesn't appreciate you. I got it. That's a tough one. Just because someone doesn't cheat doesn't automatically mean they're a good marriage partner. There are a lot of men out there who don't cheat but they sure love to control and use.
PhoenixRise Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Oxford You are having an affair with a married man. If pics on Facebook are driving you to this state...if it bothers you sooo much to see actual proof that he IS STILL married and they have been (even if perhaps they aren't now...happy together) then you need to buckle up because you are in for a bumpy ride. I don't know why you think the WS can tell his wife NOT to post pics if she wants to. I don't know why you think he has any say in her actions at all. Do you honestly think he can say to her "Listen wife, you putting up pics on your social networking site is bothering my long distance OW is upsetting her so I demand you stop"? They are her pictures and her social networking and if they divorce tomorrow, 10 years from now if she wants to post picture of herself and her former H she can. The pics are not your problem or your true issue. Are you and this man making any actual concrete plans to have a life together? Or is it just a lot of building castles in the sky and romantic talk? If no concrete plans are being made...if no actions are taking place that say this MM EVER intends to have a legitimate relationship with you are happening then THIS is your problem. You don't know for sure that the W knows about your continuing relationship. If you can't call his house and ask to speak to him then you are still a secret and he is more concerned with protecting the status quo at home than moving forward with a relationship with you. This is your problem.
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