michiganmale27 Posted December 24, 2003 Posted December 24, 2003 I think I know the answer to this one. Yesterday, out of the blue, a girlfriend that broke up with me back in April text messaged me. She simply said hi to me, I didn't realize who the screen name was since it had been so long since I spoke to her and I deleted her from my friends list. I am 28, and had dated her for almost a year and a half. I received an email back in July from her asking about someone I was with at a concert. The breakup was a pretty hard one to cope with, as I ended up on Xanax and Paxil over the whole thing and was close to what I think was a mental collapse. Anyways, enough rambling why would someone that broke up with you message you to say hi? To me it seems pointless, I mean you obviously have no feelings for someone with the exception of bringing back old wounds that had healed right? Merry Christmas to everyone on this board as well, you guys all helped me through a rough patch this year. God Bless
sarah12 Posted December 24, 2003 Posted December 24, 2003 My guess is she is feeling lonely? And is curious to see what you are up to? I don't think she is intentionally bringing up old wounds. She just wants to see what you are up to.
mjk Posted December 24, 2003 Posted December 24, 2003 I'm thinkin' she probably got dumped and she is going thru old guys to see what's up. If you are over her just tell her that, otherwise you are opening a can of emotional worms!
Paid. Laid & Made Posted December 25, 2003 Posted December 25, 2003 She is probably going through a tuff time and needs an Emotional Tampon, to help her deal / cope with some things in her life. Don't get dragged back in.
Vivid_29 Posted December 27, 2003 Posted December 27, 2003 Originally posted by michiganmale27 I am 28, and had dated her for almost a year and a half. I received an email back in July from her asking about someone I was with at a concert. It's quite common, dude. Women can be nosey like that. Sometimes lostloves will interigate the hell out of you, to see what's going on with your life or to see if you are as miserable as they are, ect, ect. You never know; she could be lonely and missing you and regretting the breakup. Would you ever consider getting back with her? ~V
Author michiganmale27 Posted December 27, 2003 Author Posted December 27, 2003 She would have to be the one to initiate that. I loved this girl with everything that I had, people said I was stupid/crazy as she wasn't the most loveable of people in the world. Honestly, I would love to get back with this person. However, before that were to happen I would have to have a serious sit-down with her and discuss a whole plethora of things. However, I gave up holding my breathe on that conversation months ago really. I've dated a few girls since than, but for some crazy reason I'm not finding the same connection I had. Better things are going to happen in 2004 I'm sure.
Vivid_29 Posted December 27, 2003 Posted December 27, 2003 If you don't mind me asking, what were the specifics of the breakup? ~V
Author michiganmale27 Posted December 27, 2003 Author Posted December 27, 2003 I've posted this on other threads, back in April, but just a rundown. She started acting really distant towards me about a week, or so, before the breakup. I never got an explaination for the breakup other than the usual B.S. I need my space/ I am not in love with you routine loosely translated meaning I found another guy that I think is better than you. I tried contacting her several times around the week after the breakup, and finally just gave up trying to reach her at all. I get the email in July, I was still rather irrate with her. I responded saying basically she lost her privledges to ask about who I was or was not with. I was rather brief with the email. I get one about two days latter, from her friend who is 32 years old mind you, calling me everything for a loser you can think of with the requisite swear words included. Real mature people I'm dealing with here. By that point, I was boiling. I thought this friend of hers was for lack of better terms a leech. I INVITED her friend out with us to dinner on about four different occaisions, and she's going to drop f' bombs on me calling me a loser. I replied back, and very politely and without cursing said everything you can think of for being a leech/loser. I did not say anything that one would find vulgar in the least, which I think pissed them off even more as I could state my arguement without having to resort to cursing. At that point, I achieved my goal of not having to be bothered by them anymore. Finally, Tuesday of this week, I receive the instant message saying Hi. As I said, I'm 28 years old, this all sounds like $%#@'n games third graders play to be honest. Should I send a text message/email to her saying not to contact me unless she's ready to talk about reconciling? Or should I just leave this one dead in the water? I will take, and respect ANY advice here.
Vivid_29 Posted December 27, 2003 Posted December 27, 2003 [Originally posted by michiganmale27 I've posted this on other threads, back in April, but just a rundown. She started acting really distant towards me about a week, or so, before the breakup. I never got an explaination for the breakup other than the usual B.S. I need my space/ I am not in love with you routine loosely translated meaning I found another guy that I think is better than you. If there ever were a chance for a reconcilliation, don't do it man. She left you for some other man. I responded saying basically she lost her privledges to ask about who I was or was not with. - That's funny as hell, dude! Almost like she's grounded!!! The next time she sends you an IM, don't respond to it and if you do, keep it brief. Don't tell her what's going on with you. Keep her in the dark! And in regards to her bitch friend -- You handled well, my friend. Kill 'em with kindness! ~V
Trinity Quasar Posted December 29, 2003 Posted December 29, 2003 Maybe she thinks it'd be nice to still be friends with you, even if she doesn't want to go out with you, maybe she does still have feelings for you... don't push her away, find out what she wants then decide if you're willing to have the relationship with her, be it friends or getting back together.
sarah12 Posted December 29, 2003 Posted December 29, 2003 Wow. This girl's friend sounds really immature for a 32 year old. I personally wouldn't text her back. You don't need that mess of a woman in your life. You're off to a great new start, why go backwards and bring back the pain?
theophilia Posted December 29, 2003 Posted December 29, 2003 Originally posted by sarah12 You're off to a great new start, why go backwards and bring back the pain? i agree with sarah. dont invite potential heartache. you were on medication bc of this girl.. that isnt kewl. someone posted earlier that she was prolly lonely, i agree with that too.
autumnlover Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 i would not respond to her....like theophilia said...it will cause more heartache than it is worth. well..i am sure she misses you but you have been done for a while. as i have learned..it is better to stay silent and make them wonder than talk and remove all doubt. kinds silly but i think it is a cool statement. good luck BYW..where in michigan are you?? i have family there. i think it is beautiful there. my grandfather owns a farm in Bretheren. i think he said like 240 acres.
amerikajin Posted January 2, 2004 Posted January 2, 2004 First of all, she dumped you to search for greener pastures. Obviously, she didn't find them Second of all, it sounds like she and the company she keeps are a real pack of "winners". On both accounts, you're better off just leaving her alone. Don't even respond. She wants any amount of intention she can get right now - even if it's negative. If she starts a fight with you, so be it as far as she's concerned (that just gives her a chance to say "I'm sorry" and all that good old holiday blather). Your bottom line is that she's trying to put her shoe in the door to your heart. If you let her back in, you do so at your own risk. As far as wanting her back, you have to realize that you're thinking about the good times. The romantic mind tends to have a selective memory when past loves are presented as future prospects. Maybe you really enjoyed the sex. Maybe you had a few good dinners or weekends at home watching movies over pizza and beer. Doesn't matter - the past is the past. C'est finis. Don't forget about how she put you on meds.
netrie Posted September 15, 2004 Posted September 15, 2004 Hey Dude! I know that this is a YEAR OLD AND MORE but if you do read this: I am so sorry that you suffered so terribly with this girl... Hang in there. I am a female and I do so much appreciate that you are so open to telling the world about your problems and taking xanax and paxil -- wow! This was very traumatic for you. In response to WHAT YOU SHOULD DO OR WHY SHE IS CONTACTING you... Just find out. If you feel strong enough meet with her and see how YOU FEEL. Go with how you are feeling and listen to your own inner voice. Love is not easy and it takes work at times... Nan
bikerider Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Michigan, I'm in the same boat in a way. Yesterday I broke NC to send her a "Letting Go" poem so she would understand that I was done and was letting it go.She replied a few times and told me she sent me a card. Today she emails me to let me know where she and her new "boy" are going to be tonight so I won't run into them.She said she can't see me out now because it still hurts her that we didn't work out. BULL SH$T. I replied and told her that there was no need to tell me where she was going because sooner or later I will run into them..again. (it's happened once already) I wish she hadn't sent me a card but even after I read it I'm not going to contact her. She was with this guy 4 days after she dumped me. I'm no fool. I jknow he was the reason but she won't confess to it. Oh well. In 6 weeks predict I'll be getting that:Hi" email just like you. I hope I have the strenght to ignore it. If I have found someone by then I'll tell her to wallow in her bed that she made.
lilian Posted September 16, 2004 Posted September 16, 2004 Hi I agree with mjk's post here. Women sometimes get back in contact with their exes or someone who seems "available" when they're going through a tough time. Guess, they just need to be told how great they are as the guy they're really after is giving them a hard time.
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