BreakingUpIsCrap Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t215429/ I kicked off NC last Monday with an email asking her to specifically desist from contacting me again. All I got back was a an insulting email This morning at 7am, I received a text message saying (not apologising mind) that what she said about me was untrue. Which is true. The background of the stuff she'd been saying to me and anyone that would listen was that I was essentially a bad man and she had to break things off. Always conveniently forgetting to mention that she'd been cultivating a relationship with another man behind my back for the last 12 months. And all these were excuses to create space for Mr Fancyman. I just didn't anticipate her fury on learning that I'd known about her "project" since the Summer. I wonder why the sudden conscience awakening...... Note: I haven't responded to the text and don't plan to, perhaps when she finally musters an apology....I might
Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Hi! I admire your strength. I have been on NC for 4 days not on my terms. My bf just refuses to talk to me after I found out that he has been chatting with a girl on his facebook. He says it's all innocent but I hacked into his acct and it showed emails dating back July. They've planned to meet. At this point I know the relationship is over but he hasn't said anything. Our last correspondence was that he needed time. I am right now very miserable but keeping NC. It really hurts when there is somebody else involved. I feel trapped and helpless and very hurt. It seems that no one in the world can relate to the pain. I hope you are doing better than me. But NC all the way!
bananaboat11 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Hi! I admire your strength. I have been on NC for 4 days not on my terms. My bf just refuses to talk to me after I found out that he has been chatting with a girl on his facebook. He says it's all innocent but I hacked into his acct and it showed emails dating back July. They've planned to meet. At this point I know the relationship is over but he hasn't said anything. Our last correspondence was that he needed time. I am right now very miserable but keeping NC. It really hurts when there is somebody else involved. I feel trapped and helpless and very hurt. It seems that no one in the world can relate to the pain. I hope you are doing better than me. But NC all the way! I hate to ask this... but how did you hack into his acct??
Author BreakingUpIsCrap Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 The best thing you can do is just let him go. You'll find that his new relationship is mainly based on him slagging you off to her, and her magnifying your weaknesses and bad points to make herself look good. As soon as you are out of the picture, she will need to be original and impress her new beau, and he will have to stop whinging about you. This is where their relationship will start falling down. I think I draw my strength from just keeping it cool after I found out about Mr Fancyman, and the longer I left it unmentioned the more I grew in confidence and the more the lies tumbled out. I guess I gave her more rope everyday. Now she hates my guts, knows that I'd probably never take her back, and now she's going for broke. She's called me every name under the sun, but we know where the truth lies. I accept that there were aspects of the relationship that needed some work. But like you're saying, it's tough when there's someone else whispering in their ear. I used to see it in her all the time. There were times we'd talk and agree to work on things, only for her to come back after a day or two (presumably after he'd defended his corner "are you sure you want to remain with loserman?") and say she'd changed her mind...The thing that killed me was the growing resentment towards me, and nothing I did seemed good enough for her, woman screamed at me on the mildest of things. It is almost impossible to fix your relationship when your partner has someone else taking a crack at them. It's really that simple. But I do know that I am worth more that she could ever deserve, and my life doesn't need a fickle wayward spouse. I'll find me a new one in 2010 Hi! I admire your strength. I have been on NC for 4 days not on my terms. My bf just refuses to talk to me after I found out that he has been chatting with a girl on his facebook. He says it's all innocent but I hacked into his acct and it showed emails dating back July. They've planned to meet. At this point I know the relationship is over but he hasn't said anything. Our last correspondence was that he needed time. I am right now very miserable but keeping NC. It really hurts when there is somebody else involved. I feel trapped and helpless and very hurt. It seems that no one in the world can relate to the pain. I hope you are doing better than me. But NC all the way!
Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Hey thanks for the response. What you said about the other woman's presence magnifying my weaknesses is what I've been feeling. I feel like I've been stabbed in the heart. I trusted him to only have the best intentions for me. Now I feel lost and disoriented. Like my world shattered in a million pieces. Idk where to pick things up. Or how to move on.
Howitzer Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 BreakUpIsCrap: Sounds like you see things for how they are. Stay strong, others will see and start standing up like you. I like how you see your own worth and are confident that you'll find happiness in your future. That's something we all strive for. Good luck to you sir! P.S. it's still ok to cry every now and then, when you feel sad.
Author BreakingUpIsCrap Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Thanks, it's the harsh lessons that we all get from the school of life. I suspect being in my mid thirties gives me a perspective to work with, because had all this happened when I was younger, I am sure I'd have crumbled and collapsed under the sheer weight of grief. One thing that keeps me going all the time, is the secure knowledge that all subsequent relationships are better than the one before. I said the same to her, and she was stumped, but it is true. Especially where we have taken the lessons learnt from the previous relationships and used them while selecting our next partner. I remember seeing her cynical smile turn into horror as I said that I know she will find somebody better than I am, just like I will find a woman that is way better than she is, and proceeded to mention all the good things she'll have about her . I guess I should have stopped at that first section. But, it's a fact of life. We are creatures of our life's experiences. Yes there are sad times, and I miss her son...but chin up and I remind myself that I love me more each day and that I am way too precious to share my life with a fickle lying woman. Prayer changes everything, I know it! Good luck to you too... BreakUpIsCrap: Sounds like you see things for how they are. Stay strong, others will see and start standing up like you. I like how you see your own worth and are confident that you'll find happiness in your future. That's something we all strive for. Good luck to you sir! P.S. it's still ok to cry every now and then, when you feel sad.
ginyi1111 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I suppose it's easier to let go when they have hurt you i.e. cheating and all? Because you would have a reason to be angry with them...instead of blaming yourself how much you have screwed up..
Author BreakingUpIsCrap Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 I suppose it's easier to let go when they have hurt you i.e. cheating and all? Because you would have a reason to be angry with them...instead of blaming yourself how much you have screwed up.. This is true Gini, bar one thing. Over the year whilst she was cheating, she spent a considerable amount of time accusing me of cheating. Reading my email, text msgs from friends, and demonising me everyday. That is what has left me angry about the whole thing. But yeah, it's easier to let her go knowing that she didn't leave because I was cheating, bt because she was. I must say that she went absolutely bonkers on getting caught, and has gone on to insult mode...lol Girlfriends, eh?
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