carame Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Just before Xmas i lost my girlfriend of nearly 2 years, we were arguing about me getting a job, among with the usual little problems we have. 'why did you go round to this girls house?' and I'll reply 'because I'm not doing nothing while all my friends are there.' on Xmas eve though she text me despite us not talking saying she was coming to drop my presents off at 6, she then text me while i was in hospital getting blood tests saying the snow was bad and shed have to come early, unfortunately I got this when I turned my phone on. by then she'd delivered them. Since then she has pretty much ignored me. Despite me texting her asking why, the only texts I get back are 'just leave me alone' 'happy christmas' 'happy new year' Considering I was trying quite hard it was hurting more and more. I was being nice and saying 'if i knew what I had done you know I'd try fix it. Yesterday I got a text saying shes fought to get me a job, to make my life better, to stop me partying, and she just remembers times when shes angered me and I've called her names (obsessive and such). She says she felt unappreciated and thats why shes had enough. I've tried apologizing, said practically every nice compliment under the sun, bought her christmas present and only got a thanks, i've wrote her letters but I get no reply shes even read them. Just the occasional 'just leave me alone please, i've made my choice' The problem is I just can't, I can't let this one go. I've spent loads of good times with her, everything reminds me of her. It's been nearly two years, she's the sort of girl that buys me cards off moonpig.com saying she loves me, brings me little presents like chocolate or drink round, asks for hugs a lot. she was quite obsessive but while she was quite needy I kind of took her for granted. I really want her back but Im running out of ideas without going too far. Should I just leave it and carry on with life? Or what should I do to get her back? Its just hard not to look at her facebook to see how she is. Thanks for reading anyway.
gaudi Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Hey carame, same ocean, just a different ship here mate. Also lost my girlfriend of 2 years just before christmas, and I'm getting all those feelings of hopefulness too. Tried everything, telling her how much I love her, how I could make things right between us, how much she means to me, and how everything else means nothing if I haven't got her. It hasn't worked for me, the one thing i've realised though is, although I would have to do things differently if she ever took me back (doubtful), it's not me who has to change, but the feelings she has right now. And I can't make her love me, it's up to her to decide. I have to give her the space she asks for, otherwise I will end up pushing her further away. It's a killer mate I know, but in this situation it's the only solution. I'm sorry for the way you're feeling right now, I know it hurts like hell. Take some time out to think about yourself a little for now mate, rather than her, who knows, you may discover a few things. Good luck mate, we are all here.
LovelyDaze Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Just before Xmas i lost my girlfriend of nearly 2 years, we were arguing about me getting a job, among with the usual little problems we have. 'why did you go round to this girls house?' and I'll reply 'because I'm not doing nothing while all my friends are there.' on Xmas eve though she text me despite us not talking saying she was coming to drop my presents off at 6, she then text me while i was in hospital getting blood tests saying the snow was bad and shed have to come early, unfortunately I got this when I turned my phone on. by then she'd delivered them. Since then she has pretty much ignored me. Despite me texting her asking why, the only texts I get back are 'just leave me alone' 'happy christmas' 'happy new year' Considering I was trying quite hard it was hurting more and more. I was being nice and saying 'if i knew what I had done you know I'd try fix it. Yesterday I got a text saying shes fought to get me a job, to make my life better, to stop me partying, and she just remembers times when shes angered me and I've called her names (obsessive and such). She says she felt unappreciated and thats why shes had enough. I've tried apologizing, said practically every nice compliment under the sun, bought her christmas present and only got a thanks, i've wrote her letters but I get no reply shes even read them. Just the occasional 'just leave me alone please, i've made my choice' The problem is I just can't, I can't let this one go. I've spent loads of good times with her, everything reminds me of her. It's been nearly two years, she's the sort of girl that buys me cards off moonpig.com saying she loves me, brings me little presents like chocolate or drink round, asks for hugs a lot. she was quite obsessive but while she was quite needy I kind of took her for granted. I really want her back but Im running out of ideas without going too far. Should I just leave it and carry on with life? Or what should I do to get her back? Its just hard not to look at her facebook to see how she is. Thanks for reading anyway. I can tell you're new to LS without reading how many posts you had. If you like being hurt and all the ignorant drama, by all means, try ANYTHING to get her back. Create a cute little poem, write a long meaningful letter, stand outside her house with a giant radio playing her favorite love song. Please note the sarcasm because what you are doing is keeping yourself from healing. Care about yourself right now. STOP looking at her Facebook status and quit the notion that some ingenious idea you come up with will get her back. Instead, when you feel like checking her out on Facebook, by phone, or in person..come on here. There are many of us that have been there and done that. We have tried all kinds of tricks to make our ex believe they are missing out and whatever. Doesn't matter. Your ex is STILL going to do what she wants to do without being coerced into believing she should love only you. I have a neat trick for you. Just avoid her for the next week or so. For your own sake, just try it for a few days and see how much better you will see things. Reality hurts but so does getting your heart broken a million times. You don't want the latter...trust me.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 No advice I'm afraid, I can't let go either, not after 18 years together. I've been stuck in limbo 5 months.
Vampire Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 No advice I'm afraid, I can't let go either, not after 18 years together. I've been stuck in limbo 5 months. Ditto, except it's 10 years and 6 months in limbo. I think regardless of what people say, we all end up trying to win them back; if we don't, we feel that we didn't try every last thing and make effort possible effort. We're not alone.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 carame, You've got to leave her alone for a little while. Let it sink in for her that she ended your relationship. Make a commitment to not contact her for a week and see what she does. If she's contacting you all the time and can't let go, then you two just need to cast ego (or she does...) aside and have a real conversation with each other... in person! BUT FIRST... Don't contact her. Leave her alone. See what she does. Don't get discouraged if you don't hear from her in the week. And let us know what happens, we are here to help. I feel for you, and hope the best.
EYECANDY000 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Carame, as much as it hurts you have to let go and give her, her space. Because rgiht now she feels like she just needs to be away from you and the more you keep texting, calling, emailing, its just going to become an annoyance. Give her time.
Howitzer Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Carame, do you feel like you'll lose her if you don't talk to her? I feel that way. To fight this, ask yourself if you'll really lose her if you don't talk for a few days, or even a week? Is she gonna change and completely forget about you in that short amount of time? If she does, than what does that say about her? Give it a rest man. Take some time off from her, get your head straight. Then come back here and ask for some more advice.
Author carame Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Thanks for all the advice, it's just frustrating when I feel like it is my fault. The fact that I can't fix it is difficult. Ah well, I guess I'll find out if time heals all wounds.
1life8love1trust Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I only read your post an a handful of the responses so if I am repeating what someone had said already, too bad. LOL I know how you feel, I am fresh myself, 3 months in but a little at least she didn't leave you for another guy like what was done to me. With that said, I think you can get her back. I hate to say it but the problem can be solve only if you work on yourself. You can't change her, but you can change yourself. Get a job, workout, date other women. Check out my post "Whats up Peeps!!!" Its a journal entry of what I am doing to get through this.
lmauk Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 hey! my boyfriend just broke up with me a month ago. i went no contact straight away. Thing thing is if you contact her you are confirming to her why she shouldn't be with you! you are not respecting her desicion! But of course its not that easy, its like your dying inside! but its been a month and my Ex and i are back in contact - What i need to stress is that i have not contacted him only for things like owed money which we sorted and left - n o games. Even now we are talking again i still hold back a little i answer HIS questions i dont make conversation. Let her know what its really like to miss you, if she does she'll speak to you. But bear in mind if you DO get back together she could do this again and you will be back to square one. Like now my Ex is doing the whole i love you so much i miss you and talking about reconsiliation but i have no plans to get back with him. When you get back with someone if it ever works is normally once those people have grownn apart. Don't try and win her back it just doesnt work like that. try and give her but more importantly YOURSELF a bit of time, once the rejection stage has passed - you may just feel different!! Good Luck
Author carame Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Cheers guys your all helping, It seems the key if theres even a door is to improve yourself and give them time, If they don't attempt to open the door it was never meant to be. It just hurts seein her having banter with other lads, just makes me ask more questions to myself.
Author carame Posted January 7, 2010 Author Posted January 7, 2010 Okay she's going into town on saturday night, do i give it more time or make an attempt before then. I've kept communication at nothing till now. I just dont want to lose her.
gaudi Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Okay she's going into town on saturday night, do i give it more time or make an attempt before then. I've kept communication at nothing till now. I just dont want to lose her. What are you going to "attempt" ??
TaraMaiden Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 No. You - leave - Her - ALONE. Do not contact her, now, before, after, during, or whenever. Stay away. Don't even think of what you might say to her, because really, you have to NOT make this happen. At all. Don't even think of trying to speak to her, because she doesn't want you to. The more you do - the more you persist - the more pathetic you'll look in her eyes.
Ms. Joolie Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 It will may be difficult for you, but resist contacting her for Saturday. She has to miss you, you have to let her miss you. Don't do it! Invest in the bigger picture. Resist contacting her until at LEAST a week goes by. Check in with us before you do.
Brokenhearted_girl Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Hi! Have you seen the movie "The Breakup", where Jen's character was constantly trying to make Vince Vaughn's character to better himself, like to want to wash the dishes, watch ballet with her, etc... And they broke up cuz it just wasn't working, then Vince hit rock bottom and wanted her back but then it was too late... After that, he went and tried to better himself, lost weight, focused on his job etc... I think that's what you should do. Forget about trying to woo your ex back. She still sees you as the partying ex that is she goes back with you, it'll be the same kind of relationship, same partying, same drama. So I suggest, pick up the pieces, live well, try to better yourself, be a better man, get a good paying job, party less... I think when you and your ex cross paths again, she'll notice the changes and by that time, you probably won't care if she did. That's my 2 cents.
Silver_star Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 From the sounds of it. You took your girlfriend for granted. You were careless and she slipped away. You have noone to blame but yourself. Even if you care about her and love her, you didnt show it enough and now you want her back in your life. You will be great to her for a while and then you will likely do the same crap again to her and she will resent you. So why dont you just do yourselves botha favor and move on. Take some time for yourself and figure out who you are and what you want. So next time you dont make the same mistake
Philippro Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Try this It really helped me out: http://www.payzeno.com/a/philippro/19
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