JSEAN Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (Posted this already but accidentally mistyped the title so people didn't understand therefore no one replied. Hehe. Could really use some advice. Thanks.) Okay, this is not something I would normally do, but this has somewhat been driving me crazy the past few days so I could use your opinions guys. I once had a girlfriend whom I met when we were set up at the prom back in high school. We had instant chemistry when we met and I loved being around her. I was 18 back then, and she was 17. We were together for 2 1/2 years, from my senior year in high school up to the early days of my third year in college. She was my first serious relationship and vice versa so as expected, we were both very immature. We'd fight constantly over small things, and broke up a couple of times and then got back together. Regardless of all this, she was just so much fun to be around and up until now, she's the only person whom I can say really knows me. We finally broke up after one of our usual fights and I said a lot of harsh things. It was a mutual break up. A couple of weeks later I asked for her back and she said it was too late. That it wouldn't make sense anymore for us to keep trying. I didn't listen. For 4 months I tried winning her back. A no every time. I then decided to move on, and she had a new boyfriend. I stopped talking to her and lived my life. I was a huge mess after our break up and slowly but surely, I recovered. FASTFORWARD to 2 years later. I graduated college, now have my own successful business, dated tons of girls and am now seeing someone whom I really like and is crazy about me. Recently though, me and my ex got in touch and have been hanging out. Also found out that she and her boyfriend are over. For the past 2 months, I'd visit her at her place, we'd talk for hours. She loves travelling to beaches and all so she'd always ask me if I wanted to go with her and her friends. I'm very busy with my business so I'd casually decline. So we see each other every couple of weeks and just a couple of days ago, she asked me if I wanted to 'catch up' when in fact, we've been catching up so much already. We hung out from 9 PM to the wee hours of the morning and she'd say that 'you're so cool now that we're friends' and would repeatedly say 'you're so awesome' and that she thinks I've grown up and have achieved so much at my young age. Whenever I would ask her about her ex, she'd mention that they would often fight because deep inside, she was comparing him to me. That last night we hung out, she asked how it was going with this new girl of mine and I said pretty well. Part of the night, she'd keep talking about the guys that she's gone out with and even show me pictures on the computer and asked me what I thought. She also asked to see pictures of all the girls that I've dated since we broke up. IT WAS THAT NIGHT that I started feeling something coming back. And I didn't like it because I remembered how bad it hurt when I lost her. I enjoy being with her. I feel like I'm home whenever when spend time together and she just completely gets me, and vice versa. I'm now 23 but I feel like she's the love of my life, but I can't risk looking stupid again if she only sees me as a friend and besides, I also have to think about my current girl, who's invested so much emotions on me already. Right now, the confidence and the swagger that I've gained from our break up is gone, and I'm going crazy thinking about her. I need advice and I need to settle this soon. I can't work and I can't get started on my new venture as well because I keep thinking about her. The question is, do you guys think she's still interested? Or does she just really like hanging out with me as a friend? IF NOT, then I plan to stop talking to her so that this mess in my heart will stop and I can just go on with my life before we started being close again.
coast_to_coast Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 The question is, do you guys think she's still interested? Or does she just really like hanging out with me as a friend? IF NOT, then I plan to stop talking to her so that this mess in my heart will stop and I can just go on with my life before we started being close again. Hey, I'm going to take a stab at this. You have to take all advice here with a grain of salt. If you can't even read her actions, then all I can do is make a number of assumptions as well. However, you have a few options: 1) Keep seeing other people while simultaneously hanging out with your ex as a "friend." Time might tell what she really feels for you after all these years. 2) Cut her out of your life and avoid the very high risk of her never coming back again because of someone else, or just to continue on her own since she was able to be away from you for so long. 3) Confront her about the situation. Tactfully. If you're seeing another girl, I'm sure she's not thrilled at the thought of you getting close to your ex that you probably never got over, so you can use that as a way to approach the "where is this going" conversation (by being like, "I can't keep seeing you while I am seeing this girl, even as friends. I need to focus on one person right now, and I still love you as ever..." get my drift? First loves are complicated. I'm mulling over the future of my first real relationship right now as well. I feel like some naive soul for saying this, but if the love you guys shared remains unparalleled, for both of you, I feel like there is possibility of reconciliation. You need to do some serious soul searching, reflect back upon your old relationship with the perspective you are now bestowed with, and make sure to the best of your ability that she was always as into the relationship as you were. Did you do most of the work when you were younger? Did she ever cheat on you? Would she take things out on you that you didn't deserve? These are just some of the questions you can ask yourself to conjure up old memories, but in all honestly if it ended it fighting (even if it was mutual), it sounds like there might be an unresolvable compatibility issue...do you know what I mean. Just my two cents.
Author JSEAN Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 I've actually been thinking about doing option 1 for the last couple of days now. Seems like the best and safest one right now. Thanks bro. She wasn't the perfect girlfriend back then, and neither was I the perfect boyfriend. I can say that she really tried though. I just feel that with my maturity now and all the things I've learned after our break up, that I can make this time even better if we were given another chance.
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