carolinawanderer Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) She's probably spending it with her new boyfriend... I still love her and I wish I were with her. Do I send her an e-mail wishing her a happy birthday to show her I'm still thinking about her, or do I do nothing at all? I wasn't planning to send her anything, but I don't know... I'm under the impression I could leave town today, never to return, and she wouldn't notice or care. I sent her a message last month (to which she did not reply) that I was leaving town ASAP. Turns out I'm probably not going to be able to leave for a few months. (I moved here for her.) I'm really not sure how she feels toward me. She was kind of mean to me after the breakup, which I think was to push me away. I know she still cares about me. But it's so confusing, seeing how her attitude toward me turned from love to apathy so quickly. She said things didn't quite feel the same the last few months, but she didn't realize I wasn't right for her until we moved in together. Not sure how you can feel that in ten days. Her anger, she said, stemmed from her having to deal with the "strain" of the relationship...but I don't know. She acted like everything was fine, wrote me love notes, etc. She knew how serious I was about keeping our relationship healthy and working on things I needed to address. I listened to her concerns and turned some things around. I still hope she will come around someday. Some days I hate her for the things she said about me, the way she treated me after the breakup, and moving me so far from home just to dump me...but deep down, I still love her and I still want to be with her. I know that, back when our relationship was doing poorly in April, she said she loved me so much and wanted me to be "the one" but was very afraid of our differences (interests and temperament) and how that might affect our relationship down the road. I changed some things for her - moodiness and I embraced her interests more (and these issues only came to a head for a couple of months of our relationship) - but she dumped me anyway, and said she was glad it was over. She said those weren't the reasons anyhow. Can fear/uncertainty alone, along with the stress of moving in, make someone fall out of love? Was it even real love, if I addressed her concerns and she still did not want to be with me? Okay, wow, I got off on a tangent. I just wanted to get that out. But yeah, her birthday is today. I feel ill. Edited January 4, 2010 by carolinawanderer
CaliGuy Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So what?! Who cares?! She's old news. You have a life to look forward to and she's part of the past. Let any reminders of her, even her birthday, stay in the past.
gaudi Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Do you really think it would make you feel any better if you wish her a happy birthday ?? Another message to which she may well not respond ?? I would advise against it (for what my advice is worth). I don't think it would serve any logical (logic and love never go together well though eh ?? ha) purpose. And it's going to make you feel worse in the long run. Biirthday wishes are just that, wishes/hopes, things that may or may not happen. Why not just wish her a happy birthday, not by text's, or sending a card, but just wish in your head that she has a good birthday, send it out into the universe, and hey, maybe she'll have a good one because of your wish. I WISH you good luck in your future mate.
HLP234 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 If you have stopped contact with her there is no point to wish her a happy birthday personally. She will have a happy birthday in her own ways, since she is with someone else. I know it hurts and you want to show her you care, but the only way you will get past it is to forget it. If she never replied to your last email, what makes you think saying happy birthday will get a response from her. Is that what you want, just a response? Like others have said, wish for her to be happy in your head and then just go on.
LovelyDaze Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 NOOOOOOOOOOO! No Happy Birthday,Congratulations, Thank You, Get Well...nothing. The VERY best thing you will get out of it is a polite.."thank you" You won't receive.."God, I miss you please come back to me. I know I was wrong and I love you soo much!!!!" Just don't send nothing and wash her clean from your life.
DustySaltus Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Let me tell you something Carolina, when you LOVE someone or someone LOVES you EVERY DAY should feel like their birthday. Don't let specific days, holidays or anniversaries have any effect on YOUR HEALING. You changed for her? No, you change for you. You become Carolina 2.0 for you. You hit the gym, go out with friends, run 5 miles or learn how to bake brownies. ANYTHING to keep your mind of her. Look, I was at a point where I thought about my ex 24 hours a day..then 23,22....and now she's still in my mind but not necessarily every single day anymore. That's progress....and I was engaged. You have to direct this energy somewhere else, it's not healthy to keep thinking about her in this way. As Caliguy said, she's in the past...rear view mirror, let the next great one come along now and ACCEPT you for WHO YOU ARE. Without having make any kind of "changes". You have no reason to hang your head. I know you're a good dude because you care, if you didn't you wouldn't be posting here. That's a great quality....let someone DESERVING appreciate it...for now, focus ON YOU.
LovelyDaze Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 let someone DESERVING appreciate it...for now, focus ON YOU. Let that line marinate! Your ex doesn't deserve your Happy Birthday. Wish it to her in prayer, to the moon or to yourself in thought but don't send her wishes verbally or otherwise where she KNOWS you can't get her off your mind.
Howitzer Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Are you wishing her Happy Birthday for you, or for her? Sounds like you miss her, and that's why you want to wish her. Don't do it until you're well enough to not get hurt by it.
You'reasian Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 She is 2009. You gotta live in 2010 . Go out and meet some new people. Was in a similar situation as you and I'm meeting different women through shared interests. You'll have fun, start with a clean slate and be ready for someone whose ready for you.
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