question on....Lies-P Size-Waxing-Getting Pregant....yeah I Know

January 4, 2010

Hello I need is 3rd party advice for men and women.

I am married to a great women I love for about 4 months now and I just happen to catch her on a couple lies and not sure if I should approach her.

Today while my wife was out of the house I was borrowing her laptop since my is in the shop, when I went online I hit the wrong website from the drop down screen which was her "cafemom.com" website profile, and being both curiouse because I wanted to see what her profile looked like and also because let's be honest people are generally snoopy. I started to look around and notice 3 Q&A posts she made before her had even met at which time she was briefly married to a very abusive and drug doing man.

She had posted these three things during their marriage which I had recently inquiring about before I found these post today which are in direct contradictory to what she told me, IE lied.

1. She was asking other mothers on the site about early pregnant symptoms because she had just gotten off the pill and that her and her then husband were trying to conceive. It stated that she was having and was hoping to be pregnant. They never did get pregnant. Now fast forward to our marriage we are also trying to conceive and a few weeks ago I asked her if her and her ex husband had ever tried or thought they were pregnant she sad no they never tried . Which is an obvious lie after today's findings.

2. Another posting was on an adult issue of her just getting a brazilian wax and asking the mothers how to take down the swelling and pain from it she did it for her ex honeymoon. Now fast forward to last summer of 2009 we got into a discussion that I have never experienced that and wanted to and she said she has never done it and does not want to because she sad it would hurt to much. So here I am catching her in another lie. And I guess what also makes me mad is that she was willing to do that for a very abusive man on their honeymoon but did nothing but lie about it to me and on top of that we had a very unromantic honeymoon, I guess it just adds to the fact that she was willing to do something sexy for him but not me.I would never want her to do anything she did not want to do but just think it is she would do it for him and then lie to me.

3. The last post which of course me being a man which hurt my ego as well as another lie, was she posted a question trying to figure out what the average mans penis size was because her then husband said that he read the average was 4.5 inches and which she also adds a comment "he is nearly twice that size" and has a "whopper" in his pants. Any man smaller then that of course would have his ego hurt, since I am not small and I differently larger the average closer 7, but she has said when I asked her what the biggest she has had ever been with that she said she could not remember and that mine was. Again a lie and I know the 99% of women most likely do lie about this to save face. But I personally want honesty, and give honesty when asked questions. So I feel lied to and not even remotely interested in having sex with her because this ex husband had a huge penis she was bragging about and was getting a Brazilian wax .

Thanks for hanging in there, but my question is after finding out about these lies should I approach my wife about them? I know I was in the wrong for looking at and snooping through her profile and it will start a fight just based on that.But she has me second guess ever thing she has ever told me. I have caught her in 3 lies and want to get them off my chest, but what good will it do? Will it? Was she just blocking out those times because she did not want to remember them because he was abusive and she always said it was a mistake marring him?

I guess the reason why I did not bring it up right away is becuase I do not want to fight about it but just have a simple talk about it. Which I may still do. But we all know it will turn into a fight about snooping and other things.

I am normally not an insecure man but I guess I have a lot of hard feelings towards her exhusband for doing the things he did to my wife who is the love of my life. So I guess stumbling upon her old posts just made me upset she lied and that that puke bag of an exhusband was large and she was willing to wax for him. And it is like I cannot get this guy out of our lives, new things keep poping up which I have to deal with,and now on top of it I have in the back of my head how big he was and what she would do for him.

And at the end of the day we have a wonderful marriage and I know she does not like even talking about him at all. And wishes it never happened. So I kind of think that is why she did not tell me the truth, she does not want it to be the truth and puts it out of her mind as such.

I am not trying to bring up the past and hold her accountable becuase God knows we both have done stupid things. But just wondering why I cannot get the truth when asked. and if I should confort her about it or let it go and trust her?

Any thoughts? Am I being just whinning!?

January 4, 2010

wow - i can see why your upset but personally on the penis size perhaps that was the biggest she had seen at the time.. and you can not punish her for being diplomatic when you ask her about other penis's if she asked you about how other woman's vagina's were in comparison to hers what would you say?

the other matter of trying to get pregnant i suspect at that time she perhaps thought a baby would fix her relationship and now regrets her thinking and in her mind this is the first time she is trying as this time its right and for the right reasons, just a though - obviously i dont know her or you but i could understand this, and as for the wax perhaps it hurt during or after or reminds her of him which she wont want or i have friend who says that she normally loves receiving oral sex but after a brazillian she was far too sensitive for weeks and did not like the over sensitivity she had. hope this helps, try to enjoy your marriage you seem to have something wonderful together but i do hate being lied to also and totally get why your upset, just thought i would give you a female perspective.

January 4, 2010

These are the kind of lies where the person who is lying probably figures that it would be ten times worse to tell you the truth.

January 5, 2010

Thanks for both of your thoughts.

I am really glad I did not approach her right away with this.

I think and no offsense to women but you just have a hard time justfing the whole ego penis size thing. It is all male driven and cannot be compared to a womens tight V or how big their breasts are. Men have one sexual organ which gives the women pleasure and I know that 99% of men can agree with me that it almost makes them sick or angery to know there wife was taken by a very large one. It does make us feel very insecure. I think we get hung up on it but it is a size is always in our faces on the TV, movies everywhere and for some women bigger is better while others do not need big. Every man wants his wife to look at him as the biggest and best and after finding out just how big he was shoots me down. I am have always been honest when ask if other women have preform certian sex acts together so I guess we just like to know truth and where we stand on the pole measure however knowng yor wife had a huge one in her makes one feel like I cannot satisfy her like that one did.

I fully understand the waxing and not wanting to do it,I would never ever make her do something she did not want to or hurt her.

That combined with the fact the he was an ass, abusvie, looser that we seem to not be able to get away from; meaning that a few bills poped up that he took out while they were married which he refuses to pay which we have to come out of pocket for. I guess itis everything the abuse, having to cover money out of my pocket for him, knowing she would wax for him but lie to me and that he was hung like a horse and my wife was bragging about it really hurts. Its just a slap in the face over and over again. I guess maybe it would have been a little easier if at least she was on there bragging about me, not one thing on me and bunch on this puke.

I am very hurt by it but in a sense I made my own bed by snooping and now I have to lay in it. You are right the penis size I know most women are very diplomatic about this becuase they donot want to hurt us, and I guess I was usual the biggest other women had been with so Iguess my ego was built up a little. I am not trying to hold her to her past I guess just really turned off and P-Oed becuase of the lie and him geeting the better of me.

I do beleieve she kept these things from me becuase she does not want to remember this marriage she crys everytime we have talked about it in the past and for her to answer these questions honestly then it may have just brought up those feelings again and she did not want to upsetme becuase of the obvious size of his penis and waxing, which I may have been. But the getting or trying to get pregnant she should have been straight with me.

Anyother thoughts are welcome should I approach her or will it be even more painful for both of us?

January 5, 2010

i think taking it all into account and to ensure she understands that you want the type of relationship where you always get the truth no matter if it hurts , then i would show her these posts .

i hope it all works out for you, feel free to stay in touch, and if you have time can you mayb give your opinion on my question as i have had no replies.

thanks

January 5, 2010

Thanks for both of your thoughts.

I am really glad I did not approach her right away with this.

I think and no offsense to women but you just have a hard time justfing the whole ego penis size thing. It is all male driven and cannot be compared to a womens tight V or how big their breasts are. Men have one sexual organ which gives the women pleasure and I know that 99% of men can agree with me that it almost makes them sick or angery to know there wife was taken by a very large one. It does make us feel very insecure. I think we get hung up on it but it is a size is always in our faces on the TV, movies everywhere and for some women bigger is better while others do not need big. Every man wants his wife to look at him as the biggest and best and after finding out just how big he was shoots me down. I am have always been honest when ask if other women have preform certian sex acts together so I guess we just like to know truth and where we stand on the pole measure however knowng yor wife had a huge one in her makes one feel like I cannot satisfy her like that one did.

Well, I guess it won't make a lot of difference to you since you are so focused on size. But I can tell you that in my last relationship the guy's penis was a bit smaller than the penis of the guy I had before him and I can tell you that I definitely preferred the "smaller" (compared to the other one, not small as such) one and you know why? Because he had better erections!

Based on my personal sexual experience, I first of all think that penis sizes do not differ a lot and secondly that for me the quality of the erection is vital! I real hard hard-on is a turn-on. A half hard-on is a big turn-off. It is way more important than the size. After all, a woman's vagina is not exactly an endless tunnel...

January 5, 2010

on the size thing - big is not always good and a man has more than one organ to please a woman, fingers mouth etc - for me personally that matters more someone who can multi task lol

January 5, 2010

people make a huge deal about sex=penetration. as sex obsessed as this culture is i cannot see a woman being happy with a man who can only use his fingers and tongues

i do admit that I am jealous of women who have partners that are large. i never met a guy who is big before.

January 5, 2010

Wow thanks for the response.

To address them all, yes guys are sensitive about size. Again I am not small at 7inch and I know she does have an O with me and in addition to that we do have oral. I guess she has been sore in the past from my size if we have not had sex in a while. But that might be more of the not having sex in a while vs size. So things could be worse and thankful for what I have.

But it is just that darn thought of having a huge "whopper" of 9inch in her. And I do know from us playing around she has a much more intense O when we bring in toys that would match the girth and size of her ex-husband, so I guess knowing that she most likely had intense ones with him without the need of toys is frustrating. Maybe by itself the huge penis would not be as much of an issue but everything combined together with his other issues including her bragging about it on line pisses me off.

In regards to the size comment, of always wanting to experience a large one and jealous of friends that have mates that are huge. This is what I am talking about, every woman would like to have at least tried it and guys know that women are jealous of friends that get a big one. I guess my wife was doing the bragging because she had one. Which makes me feel inferior because of that.

I really believe that size is really dependent on the women’s size. If she is a petite and short lady a 5inch might be perfect where a 7 inch might be painful and if you are a tall lady 7inch may not get you there. I think most guys are ok with knowing that they might not be the biggest but I think when it comes in the size of “huge” rather then a “little bit bigger” that is a different story. 9inch is huge and is a huge difference and feeling from 7inch.

I guess I can see both sides and at the end I cannot change what her past is, and I do not want to make her cry bringing up this jack ass but I think she needs to know that when I ask a question I really do want the truth no matter how hurtful it could be. I am sure I have not told her thing that may hurt her, but I think it has been on a smaller level like does my hair look good this way but not on large questions like these.

So I guess it is tell her and make her cry because it will bring up bad old feelings and the fact I snooped VS. Not telling her and accepting that she will lie about things she has done with her ex-husband simple not to upset me and herself.

Any more thoughts?

January 5, 2010

I think the penis size is something you need to get over on your own. I've encountered some whoppers in my life and quite frankly, the sex was painful sometimes. If your penis size was an issue for HER she wouldn't have married you and she wouldn't be sleeping with you. So on that lie, I say let it go. It's a male ego thing and there's no reason to make her feel bad about it. I'm sure she has insecurities about her body too.

As for the attempted pregnancy and Brazilian wax....I would tread lightly. Maybe she associates the waxing with some horrible memories (if the guy is as bad as you say he is) and her way of dealing is to pretend it never happened. I wouldn't take it as a "she did this for him and not for me" type thing. Maybe he forced her to, you never know. What people write online is not always the exact truth.

It could be the same type of thing with the posts about pregnancy.

While I understand your desire to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (I'm the same way), maybe she needs/wants to leave her past in the past so she can move forward with you. I know I don't go on and on about what happened in my marriage and I gloss over details when asked because I've dealt with it and I don't want my mind to go back there ever again.

January 6, 2010

You are right, if she was not being satisfied with my size she would have said something or maybe she would not since she does not want to hurt my feelings! She does have Os so that is positive.

At the end of the day I do have to let go of the fact of her exsuband having a huge one and my wife bragging about it. After all we do have a fairly healthly sex life. I think things will be easier forgotten as time goes on. Its just hard to look at her knowing she had that jerks monster in her and she liked it enough to brag. I guess I want to be brgged about have good our sex is or my 7inches, that might be part of it too, she bragged about him and not mean which I guess just adds to the issues.

I think hit it right on the head, my wife does not to think or remember anyting about that marriage and maybe does not want to be truthfu becuae it will not only bring back bad memories but maybe also that she was willing todo so many things for him.

I am just going to wait it out until this weekend to see if I get any more replies or thoughts about talking to her or not. I am leaning towards no, then again I may.

Please keep the thought coming in for a few more days, that have really help me think through these lies, why did them andmy own size issue vs her hung exhusband.

January 6, 2010

I think the penis size is something you need to get over on your own. I've encountered some whoppers in my life and quite frankly, the sex was painful sometimes. If your penis size was an issue for HER she wouldn't have married you and she wouldn't be sleeping with you. So on that lie, I say let it go. It's a male ego thing and there's no reason to make her feel bad about it. I'm sure she has insecurities about her body too.

As for the attempted pregnancy and Brazilian wax....I would tread lightly. Maybe she associates the waxing with some horrible memories (if the guy is as bad as you say he is) and her way of dealing is to pretend it never happened. I wouldn't take it as a "she did this for him and not for me" type thing. Maybe he forced her to, you never know. What people write online is not always the exact truth.

It could be the same type of thing with the posts about pregnancy.

While I understand your desire to know the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth (I'm the same way), maybe she needs/wants to leave her past in the past so she can move forward with you. I know I don't go on and on about what happened in my marriage and I gloss over details when asked because I've dealt with it and I don't want my mind to go back there ever again.

I think you may be on to something about the waxing and overall lies. I think that is kind of where my mind is going now. I know she does not want to re live them and that may be the answer.

On the size thing so you have had the whoppers and from your stand point to big is to big and that there must be a middle ground beween too small and way to big what is that middle ground?

Thanks

January 6, 2010

I think hit it right on the head, my wife does not to think or remember anyting about that marriage and maybe does not want to be truthfu becuae it will not only bring back bad memories but maybe also that she was willing to do so many things for him.

I can only speak for myself, but in my marriage I did so many desperate things, whatever I thought would make that assmunch love me, or heck, even acknowledge me! I will hardly admit to them now b/c I feel so degraded and ashamed just thinking about the hoops I jumped through for his affection. I have no idea if this is the way your wife thinks and feels, but it's one possibility.

As far as my middle ground, for me, it's much less about the size, and more about "Does this man make me feel like some vixen/sex goddess in bed?" If yes, then I'm satisfied. Just because guy has a big one doesn't mean he makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman on the planet. That's what's important to me.

Did you ever think she was bragging about his size because literally every other aspect of this guy was so horrible that she had nothing left??? lol

January 6, 2010

Wow great point and point of view! All I can say is that I love her dearly and the I know we have a great time in bed I just need to get it out of my head and know that I have the best women ever.

Thanks you so much for you help and thoughts.

January 7, 2010

I can only speak for myself, but in my marriage I did so many desperate things, whatever I thought would make that assmunch love me, or heck, even acknowledge me! I will hardly admit to them now b/c I feel so degraded and ashamed just thinking about the hoops I jumped through for his affection. I have no idea if this is the way your wife thinks and feels, but it's one possibility.

As far as my middle ground, for me, it's much less about the size, and more about "Does this man make me feel like some vixen/sex goddess in bed?" If yes, then I'm satisfied. Just because guy has a big one doesn't mean he makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman on the planet. That's what's important to me.

Did you ever think she was bragging about his size because literally every other aspect of this guy was so horrible that she had nothing left??? lol

I quote this 100%. There are things I would never do again now and I did them but actually I love the man I am with now MORE and MORE, especially because I know he would NEVER oblige me.....while in the past I was obliged. But I have promised to myself that certain things I will never do again for ANY men.It is something only between myself and me, noone else is allowed here.It is just like if I have "built" my new identity now, my true one, and the past never existed. I hope it makes sense. It is not a lie, not intended as it. But just a way to build a decent image of me, a decent self esteem,. have you ever thought she could be ashamed?

And about penis size.

This never affected my sex life nor my love life in an important way. How will you men understand that?

The man I am with is really big.

But the biggest thing he has is his heart, he is intelligent, funny.....only a laugh or a joke turn me on like crazy, only knowing "who" is he and I love him desperately. But he is not entitled to "have it all" on me,to know all my secrets, not him not anyone else. When I will feel comfortable I will tell him anything but it will be me to decide when and how, not him. It is not because of him, it is because of me and the sufferings I have experienced.

He has the same rights of course.

Sometimes an abused woman has a long road to go. She never lied you about her love for you or faithfulness. Let her heal. Please.

January 7, 2010

I quote this 100%. There are things I would never do again now and I did them but actually I love the man I am with now MORE and MORE, especially because I know he would NEVER oblige me.....while in the past I was obliged. But I have promised to myself that certain things I will never do again for ANY men.It is something only between myself and me, noone else is allowed here.It is just like if I have "built" my new identity now, my true one, and the past never existed. I hope it makes sense. It is not a lie, not intended as it. But just a way to build a decent image of me, a decent self esteem,. have you ever thought she could be ashamed?

And about penis size.
This never affected my sex life nor my love life in an important way. How will you men understand that?
The man I am with is really big.
But the biggest thing he has is his heart, he is intelligent, funny.....only a laugh or a joke turn me on like crazy, only knowing "who" is he and I love him desperately. But he is not entitled to "have it all" on me,to know all my secrets, not him not anyone else. When I will feel comfortable I will tell him anything but it will be me to decide when and how, not him. It is not because of him, it is because of me and the sufferings I have experienced.

He has the same rights of course.
Sometimes an abused woman has a long road to go. She never lied you about her love for you or faithfulness. Let her heal. Please.

Thanks for your point of view. I think you can really relate to her and is right in line with what I think is going on. I do however still beleive we are owed the truth but I can undertsand why she would hide that.

As for penis size guys and told and grow up watching tv,movies , books and anything main stream that bigger is better. Its an male ego thing pretty much since man has been on the earth. We also get conflicting statements...some women are like you who think it is the whole package that makes sex good .....while other women say size matters and that they are jealous of friends that have mates that are huge. So that is where comes from. Your new man is huge but what if he had a 4inch penis and you could not feel it, you love hime so you would not break up however if you could wave a magic wond and make him on the large end of the scale you would do it.

But I fully understand the whole package point of view and guys and the same way. No one is perfect and if it is an issue we would not be together. I think it is only an issue for me becuase I do not measure up to the 9incher before me.

Also we got talking about sex again last night over a few drinks and I was stating that I beleive size is really dependent on the height and size of a women, she disagreed and stated that I am sometimes painfull for her and that she cannot take in my 7inch all the way sometimes without hurting her. Too which she made a good point of saying maybe if yours was bigger that it would really hurt and be uncomfortable which I replied to saying so you have not had anything bigger to confirm that statement? She danced around saying should could not remember what other guys sizes were and she thought that are all pretty close in size and that mine was the "good looking penis" which she said is big and can barely get both hands around. That made me feel good! But then I said so you have not been with a 8-9incher before and she said OMG NO that is obscenely big! Ehhh....I did not pressure her on that fact that I found a post from her stating her exhusband was a whopper of 9 inchs. I guess it really does not matter anymore I just wanted the truth, it was hard holding back from telling what I found.

Thanks

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