ms.ac Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So after the horrible break-up its hard enough trying to get over him choosing someone over me after 5 years and throwing it in my face but i have to go through the holidays and new years knowing he is with her, he went on vacation with her and everything.. everything just seems crazy, well now I am hearing about people who know this new girl, people that I don't know, they say she is nasty, ugly, and a horrible person and anyone who is with her should be embarrassed. She also just got out of a relationship too. some may think this would make me feel good but he left me for her, so it does the opposite. The biggest problem is that I have heard from two different people that don't know eachother or me that she is into drugs. Now I'm concerned that my ex is doing drugs too. This would not be crazy, they work together and teh place they work is really bad with drugs and He had made a comment to me that I was too good for him, i didnt like to go out as much as him and didnt drink and do drugs.. at the time i just looked at it like he was rambling and just saying things cuz he does this, but now im thinking well maybe he is doing drugs with her, it would explain a lot of the craziness. Well I don't konw if it was a good idea or not, but I called his mom and let her know my concerns, I know she may look at me as a bitter ex, but I had to, i have been with him for 5 years, i konw his family well, and my conscience told me I had to say something in case this was actually true. Is this wrong?? Just hearing things about him in general breaks my heart everytime but this breaks my heart even more, why would he leave me for someone like this? Whether hearing good or bad things about an ex, it hurts so much. I still care a lot about him, what should I do? Did I do the right thing? Any advice?
DustySaltus Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So after the horrible break-up its hard enough trying to get over him choosing someone over me after 5 years and throwing it in my face but i have to go through the holidays and new years knowing he is with her, he went on vacation with her and everything.. everything just seems crazy, well now I am hearing about people who know this new girl, people that I don't know, they say she is nasty, ugly, and a horrible person and anyone who is with her should be embarrassed. She also just got out of a relationship too. some may think this would make me feel good but he left me for her, so it does the opposite. The biggest problem is that I have heard from two different people that don't know eachother or me that she is into drugs. Now I'm concerned that my ex is doing drugs too. This would not be crazy, they work together and teh place they work is really bad with drugs and He had made a comment to me that I was too good for him, i didnt like to go out as much as him and didnt drink and do drugs.. at the time i just looked at it like he was rambling and just saying things cuz he does this, but now im thinking well maybe he is doing drugs with her, it would explain a lot of the craziness. Well I don't konw if it was a good idea or not, but I called his mom and let her know my concerns, I know she may look at me as a bitter ex, but I had to, i have been with him for 5 years, i konw his family well, and my conscience told me I had to say something in case this was actually true. Is this wrong?? Just hearing things about him in general breaks my heart everytime but this breaks my heart even more, why would he leave me for someone like this? Whether hearing good or bad things about an ex, it hurts so much. I still care a lot about him, what should I do? Did I do the right thing? Any advice? Ms AC, i'm sorry about what you are going through. The first thing you need to do is read the link in my signature line (NC Guide) and stick with it. Tell your friends not to tell you anything going on with him in the future. Do not contact him in anyway. You need to begin the healing process for yourself and everyday that you look at something with him on it, or call him or ask someone else about him, you are back to square one. When someone leaves you for someone like this, it doesn't say ANYTHING about you. It says something about THEM. If he wants to be with a girl like this, let him because down the line he's just going to realize what he has lost in you. He quit on you, he threw five years down the drain. Why would you want to be with someone like that? I want to be with someone that NEVER quits on me and is there for me at my lowest and highest points. It's not all about it him, it's about you and your needs. I know you're hurting. I've been there and I still have my moments. But as time goes by I am learning new things about myself I never saw before. You will experience the same thing and it will make you stronger. You need to be happy with yourself, get back to doing things for you. All that energy that you put into the relationship. PUT IT INTO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF NOW. You didn't do anything wrong, you wanted to make things work. Don't blame yourself. This needed to occur so that you would be with the person you are meant to be with down the line. I know it sounds like I bunch of bs sometimes ( I know I thought it did) but in time you will see what I mean. Again read the link in my signature and begin the process for yourself and continue to post here. I'm here to help, because a lot of people here helped me through my situation. Good luck -DS
Author ms.ac Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Ms AC, i'm sorry about what you are going through. The first thing you need to do is read the link in my signature line (NC Guide) and stick with it. Tell your friends not to tell you anything going on with him in the future. Do not contact him in anyway. You need to begin the healing process for yourself and everyday that you look at something with him on it, or call him or ask someone else about him, you are back to square one. When someone leaves you for someone like this, it doesn't say ANYTHING about you. It says something about THEM. If he wants to be with a girl like this, let him because down the line he's just going to realize what he has lost in you. He quit on you, he threw five years down the drain. Why would you want to be with someone like that? I want to be with someone that NEVER quits on me and is there for me at my lowest and highest points. It's not all about it him, it's about you and your needs. Thank you for all the advice! I feel like this is such a serious matter now and we were best friends... do you think i did the right thing by telling his mother? or should i have just left it alone. I agree with everything else but it is hard to make yourself feel that way, I am an attractive, successful, good person and even though people are saying the other girl doesnt even compare to me, I can not feel this, because I feel defeated, and the one person i love doesn't see me as the better person.. i know i am better than this but its so hard when you have no control, and hear someone you care about seeming to make bad choices, but i know i can't do anything about it, and it is probably setting me back by even thinking about it
DustySaltus Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) I think what's done is done and at this point you will just drive yourself crazy thinking about what you did and didn't do. Comparing yourself to someone else will also drive you crazy. If you want to compare yourself to someone compare yourself to a time where you were happy before your EX and work on getting that person back. There were so many times after me and my ex broke up where all I wanted was to get the old me back. At a certain point it's not even about them anymore. You look at yourself in the mirror and say, "Damn, what the hell happened to me? How can I let someone else control my happiness"? And you'll get mad like I did and you'll get motivated to change. Why? Because deep inside we ALL want to be happy and it's just a matter of time before we take control of ourselves again. Again, it's not your job to help him. You aren't his caretaker. He seems like he is doing well on his own now isn't he? It's just a front. The person you want to be with is the person that reciprocates all of your behaviors and feelings. Don't feel defeated. You were willing to fight the fight and stand there with him. THAT'S ADMIRABLE AND NOTHING TO HANG YOUR HEAD ON. I was the same way but I've gotten out of the fog and realized that I am capable of great things. Let's be with someone who will NEVER take those things for granted. He quit, that's not admirable. You did NOTHING wrong. Now what have you wanted to do to better yourself lately? What goals would YOU like to accomplish this year for yourself? Edited January 4, 2010 by DustySaltus grammar
Author ms.ac Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I think what's done is done and at this point you will just drive yourself crazy thinking about what you did and didn't do. Comparing yourself to someone else will also drive you crazy. If you want to compare yourself to someone compare yourself to a time where you were happy before your EX and work on getting that person back. There were so many times after me and my ex broke up where all I wanted was to get the old me back. At a certain point it's not even about them anymore. You look at yourself in the mirror and say, "Damn, what the hell happened to me? How can I let someone else control my happiness"? And you'll get mad like I did and you'll get motivated to change. Why? Because deep inside we ALL want to be happy and it's just a matter of time before we take control of ourselves again. Again, it's not your job to help him. You aren't his caretaker. He seems like he is doing well on his own now isn't he? It's just a front. The person you want to be with is the person that reciprocates all of your behaviors and feelings. Don't feel defeated. You were willing to fight the fight and stand there with him. THAT'S ADMIRABLE AND NOTHING TO HANG YOUR HEAD ON. I was the same way but I've gotten out of the fog and realized that I am capable of great things. Let's be with someone who will NEVER take those things for granted. He quit, that's not admirable. You did NOTHING wrong. Now what have you wanted to do to better yourself lately? What goals would YOU like to accomplish this year for yourself? I know.. it is hard to believe how much my happiness has depended on him, but i do know that this will take a long time to get over. Some days are good, others are horrible. I hope that he regrets what he has done, and that by the time he does, I don't care. I want to be happy, I graduated college last year, was able to get a full time job, and i have recently enrolled myself in graduate school, I joined an indoor soccer team, and I go to the gym, I started to hang out with friends again, but the pain is still there, I get anxiety sometimes and can't sleep but I know I have no choice but to keep pushing on. I know you can not stop loving someone instantly even though it seems like my ex has. As much as I hate what he has done to me, I still care about him.
Vampire Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I know.. it is hard to believe how much my happiness has depended on him, but i do know that this will take a long time to get over. Some days are good, others are horrible. I hope that he regrets what he has done, and that by the time he does, I don't care. I want to be happy, I graduated college last year, was able to get a full time job, and i have recently enrolled myself in graduate school, I joined an indoor soccer team, and I go to the gym, I started to hang out with friends again, but the pain is still there, I get anxiety sometimes and can't sleep but I know I have no choice but to keep pushing on. I know you can not stop loving someone instantly even though it seems like my ex has. As much as I hate what he has done to me, I still care about him. I feel EXACTLY the same. I'm in my third term at college. Distinctions all the way; received a double today but still can't feel happy for myself. Hoping to get accepted into Uni in a few months. Getting back into the gym. Joining the college judo team. But the pain, anxiety, shortness of breath at the thought of her, and the sleepless nights are still there 6 months later. You are seriously not alone in those exact thoughts my friend. I'm glad that you are pushing yourself, but make sure you are doing it for yourself. Our ex's? They couldn't really give a ****, so it's best we don't kid ourselves.
Recommended Posts