Mattock5656 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) Hello, fellow Loveshack humans. So, I started a few weeks ago the wonderful force known as Online Dating. Wow, was I for a rude awakening. Well, after numerous messages to people, I message some 18 old girl with a simple message and she writes me paragraphs of stuff. I was like, "Wow" somebody that actually seems interesting is messaging me back. So long story short, I get her number, as she gives it to me. (Usually I have to ask for a number, and somewhat amazed how she gave her number to me.) We then hit it off nicely, through the E-stroking festival, as we spew text messages to each other. Here is the first problem, and that's text messaging. I really don't mind text messaging but, if its the first means to get to know someone, its absolutely retarded. Why do some of these woman insist to just give me their cell phone number and then just think that you can get to know someone fully, by texting? Ego stroking? I then asked her, if she wanted to talk on the phone, and made up some excuse that she is at her grandparents house. (She was on vacation, so I somewhat bought it.) Although, as time went on, she never offered to talk on the phone with me, and she continued to text message with random ****, that I went along with. So, then I thought to myself, well maybe she doesn't like talking on the phone, so I asked her if she wanted to meet. (Yet another mistake) I made a exact date, which was today, about a couple days before, and she said, "Well see, my mom is known for her spontaneity". (As, I thought she was gonna be with her mother.)(Another fail) So, as a couple days went by, questioning the wording of this weirdo, I used the wonderful slim communication known as texting and texted her today again, and got no reply. I then became curious and looked on yahoo messenger profile (She gave me her yahoo messenger id, in a previous email) and I saw that she was 41 years old. I was like what the hell, am I not reading this correctly? Is there something wrong with my pixels on my screen? What kind of idiot, lies about everything about themselves, then puts there real age on yahoo profile? I knew it was too good to be true, she had really good writing, and she liked alot of things that most females don't enjoy. (Video Games, etc.) So anyone esle, have a similar problem like this? So, now I have another girl that I'm talking to, hit it off really nice but she loves texting and doesn't enjoy talking on the phone. I asked her, whens a good time to call her, and she said around 5 or so in the next few days.What do I do? I hate texting in the beginning phases, so should I call her despite her not, liking to talk on the phone? So, should I just give up on Online Dating period? lol I think human interaction is the key, but around my town I pretty much don't match with many in terms of values and thinking. Sorry for the rant guys. I had to release some energy!!! Edited January 4, 2010 by Mattock5656 typo
Simon Attwood Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 You'll probably find it was a middle aged man you were texting...
sid3 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 First, you didn't mention your age so it's unclear what age group your in. Texting is obviously the in thing for the younger crowd. But do not fall into the friend zone every time by being the ego stroking text buddy. You have the right mindset by wanting to call instead. If she's interested in you, she will take your call, it's that simple. Texting is just the newest way a girl tests you in the early stages. Most guys are way too quick to respond, the best advice I can give you is to seldomly respond at all. As far as the 41 year old goes, she's just a lonely cougar with nothing better to do. If she's lied about her age chances are she has lied about everything else. I'd bet her self worth is around zero and getting her jollies from online attention is all she has. Funny but yet pretty sad too.
Jersey Shortie Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 The 41 year old saying she is 18 is just weird. How old are you by the way? The other girl and you just might not be compatable communication wise. I know that's not the answer you want to hear but if you don't like texting, and she does, it is going to cause frustration on both your parts. Why don't you find women that are into talking on the phone?
Vertex Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Sounds like it's some dude yanking your chain out of boredom, and not in the good way.
Author Mattock5656 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 The 41 year old saying she is 18 is just weird. How old are you by the way? The other girl and you just might not be compatable communication wise. I know that's not the answer you want to hear but if you don't like texting, and she does, it is going to cause frustration on both your parts. Why don't you find women that are into talking on the phone? I'm 20, sorry for the confusion. Ya, makes sense. I suppose I can just move on to the next. I don't mind texting for like short messages etc, or to tell somebody something quick. I suppose, I just will have to state in my profile, that I'm not really into texting into the beginning or something.
Author Mattock5656 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 First, you didn't mention your age so it's unclear what age group your in. Texting is obviously the in thing for the younger crowd. But do not fall into the friend zone every time by being the ego stroking text buddy. You have the right mindset by wanting to call instead. If she's interested in you, she will take your call, it's that simple. Texting is just the newest way a girl tests you in the early stages. Most guys are way too quick to respond, the best advice I can give you is to seldomly respond at all. As far as the 41 year old goes, she's just a lonely cougar with nothing better to do. If she's lied about her age chances are she has lied about everything else. I'd bet her self worth is around zero and getting her jollies from online attention is all she has. Funny but yet pretty sad too. I see what you mean. I kept a good distance on texting. This second girl, I just got her number yesterday. Although, I just asked her few questions, (in texting) but hasn't really asked me anything.(Maybe, just, "How are you" etc) I'd figure, I just let it go, or something, as I don't feel like doing all the talking. (Which could mean, she is not interested) Although, she seemed interested in the email and she gave me her number. Dunno?
sid3 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 The number one mistake men make: being too available. Remember that and your dating success will dramtically improve.
Jersey Shortie Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I'm 20, sorry for the confusion. Ya, makes sense. I suppose I can just move on to the next. I don't mind texting for like short messages etc, or to tell somebody something quick. I suppose, I just will have to state in my profile, that I'm not really into texting into the beginning or something. Then 18 is entirely appropiate for you. BUT, as I am sure you know, girls that age are into texting. You could try saying to this girl, "I know you like texting, but I like hearing your voice. Lets talk." Don't ask her if you can talk on the phone. Just make it a subtle statement. She might say "oh well, okay". If she texts you, don't respond. I dated a man that was older then me but would always want to text instead of talking and I wuold ignore the texts, well he ended up figuring it out and calling me instead. And if that doesn't work, yeah putting it in your profile might be a good idea. Just word it nicely though. I have read profiles from guys that were like "don't contact me if your fat, don't floss, and like to text beottches". You get the idea.
Author Mattock5656 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Then 18 is entirely appropiate for you. BUT, as I am sure you know, girls that age are into texting. You could try saying to this girl, "I know you like texting, but I like hearing your voice. Lets talk." Don't ask her if you can talk on the phone. Just make it a subtle statement. She might say "oh well, okay". If she texts you, don't respond. I dated a man that was older then me but would always want to text instead of talking and I wuold ignore the texts, well he ended up figuring it out and calling me instead. And if that doesn't work, yeah putting it in your profile might be a good idea. Just word it nicely though. I have read profiles from guys that were like "don't contact me if your fat, don't floss, and like to text beottches". You get the idea. Thanks Jersey. I'll give it a shot. I guess I am one of the few, that enjoys talking to someone, rather than sending texts to people in my age group.
Ronni_W Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So, now I have another girl that I'm talking to, hit it off really nice but she loves texting and doesn't enjoy talking on the phone. I asked her, whens a good time to call her, and she said around 5 or so in the next few days.What do I do? She told you when is a good time to call her...so call her! The rule for guys is: Do NOT be afraid to express your own likes and preferences, dislikes and upsets. (It's actually the same rule for girls...but we seem to be able to do it without any of the same probs that you guys seem to have doing it.) Of course you are correct: Real person-to-person conversations ARE more, er, personal and they DO promote in-depth discussions, revelations, bonds, intimacy...all the 'getting to know each other' stuff that needs to happen. And you are perfectly entitled to express the methods that YOU want, need and prefer to get to know someone else. What is the fear (that guys appear to have) about doing that? Expressing your own needs and wants, that is. On the other side...you sound maybe too mature for people who think-believe that texting is a replacement for one-on-one interactions, or who may not be able to hold their end of an actual, live conversation with a real person. Maybe leave be the 41-year olds but...how about trying 20 to 25, or something? (Or higher...whatever number you're comfortable with, to be honest. Maybe just look for someone who can match your intellect, maturity, interests, values, etc.?)
Jersey Shortie Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 the rule for guys is: Do not be afraid to express your own likes and preferences, dislikes and upsets. absolutetly.
Author Mattock5656 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 She told you when is a good time to call her...so call her! The rule for guys is: Do NOT be afraid to express your own likes and preferences, dislikes and upsets. (It's actually the same rule for girls...but we seem to be able to do it without any of the same probs that you guys seem to have doing it.) Of course you are correct: Real person-to-person conversations ARE more, er, personal and they DO promote in-depth discussions, revelations, bonds, intimacy...all the 'getting to know each other' stuff that needs to happen. And you are perfectly entitled to express the methods that YOU want, need and prefer to get to know someone else. What is the fear (that guys appear to have) about doing that? Expressing your own needs and wants, that is. On the other side...you sound maybe too mature for people who think-believe that texting is a replacement for one-on-one interactions, or who may not be able to hold their end of an actual, live conversation with a real person. Maybe leave be the 41-year olds but...how about trying 20 to 25, or something? (Or higher...whatever number you're comfortable with, to be honest. Maybe just look for someone who can match your intellect, maturity, interests, values, etc.?) Thanks Ronni for the reply. I think that will be my best bet, is to go for slightly older woman. I'll be more direct about my needs, but I think also, since I am fairly new at this online dating scene, with time I will slowly figure out what I like and dislike about it.
Ronni_W Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Welcome for the reply. I'll be more direct about my needs, but I think also, since I am fairly new at this online dating scene, with time I will slowly figure out what I like and dislike about it. Not just with what you like and dislike about online dating...about EVERYTHING in your ENTIRE LIFE! Do not be afraid to know and express your deeper/true/authentic Self -- your values, what you stand for, what you won't put up with, your dreams, passions, opinions, feelings...ALL OF IT. That's what emotional intimacy is. Be who you were born to be, why not? Maybe even tack it on to your New Year's Resolutions to start overcoming any fears you may have in this department(?) In any event. Best 'o luck with the girl whom you'll be calling "around 5 or so in the next few days."
Mac McMenamin Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Don't give up on online dating over one negative experience. Remember, it's not too entirely different from regular dating. You need to sift through quite a few duds to find the ones with substance. If you invest the time to get to know someone, I think you'll be quite happy with the singles you'll find. Hang in there. Texting is a big generational thing. I'm not adverse to texting either, but I'm also of the school of using the phone to actually have a conversation with someone. It's just one of those things us older people need to get used to.
dazzle22 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Well, from my limited experience when I was single, I found online dating to be like fishing in a murky pond close to a sewage run off. You may pull out an occasional trout but also a fair number of slimy mutant things. Be as specific as you can on your turnoffs and what you are not interested in.
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