HappyAgain Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) I just came home from the holidays and collected my mail. I saw an envelope that I thought might contain my divorce papers. I was getting ready to dance around the house and celebrate the beginning of this new year. After nearly two years I thought it had come to an end. Unfortunately, the letter was not regarding the divorce and I sit here in bitter disappointment. This may sound very callous but our divorce has been acrimonious and not friendly in the least. But what else could I expect from a man who had cheated throughout our 15 year marriage, who ran my finances into the ground, who walked away without a care after he got everything he wanted out of me, who's abuse and my need to save my mind was the reason I finally walked away? I just wish it had been the letter I was hoping for. Men, when your ex-wife doesn't want alimony/spousal support, no children to worry about, no property left to divide, she does not want to see you or hear from you - you are free to move on with your new life, why would you delay and delay? Is the man really that short on brain cells that he doesn't know how to fill out the papers? I certainly don't expect him to have any respect for me but what about the doormat girlfriend and her daughter who have been living with him since two months after I left him? What possible reason is she okay with this loser remaining married? Anyways, I needed to rant this morning. HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Now I'm going to go and catch up with my sleep. Edited January 4, 2010 by HappyAgain
carhill Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Assuming you and he have signed a divorce agreement/stipulation and are awaiting a judgment by mail, that can take a few months. If you and he haven't 'settled' and it's a contested divorce, a judge will settle it for you without any proactive measures by your ex. Procedures vary by jurisdiction. Where we live, if I had responded (our divorce is not acrimonious or contested), we would've been assigned a court date for hearing and then subsequent dates for issues we could not settle. How does it work for you? Since you were in an abusive relationship and your H cheated on you, I'd suggest counseling during this time. Many colleges offer it for free. Also, a divorce and/or abuse support group might help. My sympathies...
Author HappyAgain Posted January 16, 2010 Author Posted January 16, 2010 Thanks carhill. I did go through the therapy before and after leaving him and I would tell anyone leaving an abusive relationship to go go see someone. Right now I'm traveling too much to even be in my home city to look into the papers. In fact, I had to leave town again a couple of days after posting this thread. I filed last year and left it to him to complete his part - he never did. I guess when I'm finally going to be home long enough I'll have to do it because I really think my ex is not smart enough to do it on his own. Otherwise, he's just too spiteful to give me my freedom and that's his own problem after being separated for two years.
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 17, 2010 Posted January 17, 2010 Men, when your ex-wife doesn't want alimony/spousal support, no children to worry about, no property left to divide, she does not want to see you or hear from you - you are free to move on with your new life, why would you delay and delay? I suspect it is because he can't stand the idea that do need or want him anymore in any way, shape or form. He sounds like a narcissist, and like every narcissist it doesn't matter if you love or hate them, just as long as you are paying some sort of attention to them. You have removed the narcissistic supply, and he is punishing you in the most passive aggressive way he knows how: to unlock the cage, but stand in the way of the open door.
Author HappyAgain Posted January 18, 2010 Author Posted January 18, 2010 (edited) I suspect it is because he can't stand the idea that do need or want him anymore in any way, shape or form. He sounds like a narcissist, and like every narcissist it doesn't matter if you love or hate them, just as long as you are paying some sort of attention to them. You have removed the narcissistic supply, and he is punishing you in the most passive aggressive way he knows how: to unlock the cage, but stand in the way of the open door. Wow you picked up on that so quickly. He is a narcissist and I don't mean that in the way that we throw around here because someone is selfish but a true diagnosed narcissist. He's never been diagnosed as a sociopath but he matches almost all the criteria too. This is the idiot who on what would have been our 16th anniversary after a year apart with no communication calls me and leaves a voicemail accusing me of wanting him back! I was laughing so hard that my coworkers were worried if I was going to choke when I listened to it. Or when he called the police to tell them that I had killed myself because I stopped all communication with him (there just could have been no other explanation why I was moving on with my life.) Talk about narcissistic self-delusions. It just amazes me how much spite these sick people have. As I mentioned, I do not want anything from him or to do with him. I figured that after two years he'd give up and move on with his sick life - I guess I shouldn't have expected that from him. He has a manipulative girlfriend whose seeing a psychotherapist from her previous relationship (his new "wife"), a stepdaughter (whose life will be completely messed up with her mother and him), an education (thanks to me), a full-time job (thanks to me), a car (thanks to me), what more does he need from me?? I basically and inadvertently set him up with everything he needed to move on with his life just so I could be free of him and now after two years he won't spend the lousy $500 to file his papers for our divorce. I guess he just hasn't figured out how most people are laughing at him behind his back. It's just so hard to deal rationally with an irrational person! You just feel like you're banging your head against a concrete wall (I'm going to stop before I put a dent.) Anyways, my life is good and when I have time I'll get the divorce finalized. Edited January 18, 2010 by HappyAgain
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