nightfall Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I've been getting to know a guy for a few months now. Nothing serious- I've had my fair share of unwisely rushing into things. For most of the period we've been talking, there was an unspoken air of having feelings for one another. Most of our exchanges had been occurring online, but we began seeing one another in person two weeks ago. Our alone time was nice. Still no words had been exchanged, but hugging (and eventually light kissing) began to take place. I've been seeing him pretty consistently since then. On our of our hang out occasions, a girl called him several times in the span of half an hour. This ignited a little bit of suspicion in me, but I tried to ignore it. Perhaps she was a good friend, how was I to know? When I got home, I saw that she was fairly active on his Facebook and clicked her profile to see that she was in a relationship with someone. This eased my doubts and I forgot about it. Until tonight. He texted me at around 2:30am to ask if I was seeing anybody. This seemed pretty absurd to me, considering we have discussed this and it is fairly obvious that I'm not. Once I said I wasn't and asked him why he brought it up, he simply said that he "wants to make sure from now on that it gets asked". After this, he asked me if I wanted to jump into a relationship (which, for how slowly we've been taking it, is a jump from 1st base to home). I responded that I too am interested, but don't want to take the leap into something serious now. I asked him if he had ever been in a situation where someone seemed single and interested but in fact wasn't, because from his comment, it seemed as though he had. He said that he was, but that the girl was seeing someone and he was aware of that, yet he continued to talk to her. Things eventually sped up to where the girl was considering leaving her current boyfriend for him, but he didn't want to be "that guy". From the way he was describing this encounter, it seemed fairly recent-- recent enough that it may have occurred during the period in which we've been talking. Paranoia immediately set in. Was it that girl on Facebook who was listed as being in relationship, but was calling multiple times? Was he lying when he said this had been "ancient history"? Another striking detail is the fact that he stopped talking to me almost entirely for a few days, and barely acknowledged my presence when I attempted to make conversation with him via text and internet. He deleted his Facebook account, and seemed pensive about something (he only started showing interest in talking to me again TODAY). Could this "split up" from the girl he was interested in been the reason for his distress? Am I making this puzzle fit when in fact I'm just irrationally putting pieces together where they don't belong? I want to call it quits because it's early, and I want to avoid any future heartache from this person, but I also don't want to give something up based solely on fairly irrational suspicion. I've considered bringing it up again to raise these suspicions, but we are hardly serious enough for my paranoia to seep in. I don't want him to think I don't trust him from the get go, but I also don't want to be deceived... again. Please offer any words you have for me. I'd greatly appreciate any good Samaritan who has read my story and has any wisdom to share. I'm at a brink where this can get serious or dwindle away into nothing, and I've been choosing the single life for a long time based on the complications and baggage that come along with choosing to pursue someone.
dgiirl Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 He said that he was, but that the girl was seeing someone and he was aware of that, yet he continued to talk to her. Things eventually sped up to where the girl was considering leaving her current boyfriend for him, but he didn't want to be "that guy". Does it matter who the girl is? This is his character! A man with no morals.
New_Life08 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Hi there, You have every right to ask questions. How else do we know if this is someone we want to be involved with? I too have had the issues with women calling my bf in the beginning of our relationship and he acting odd about it. When he knew it concerned me he started hiding the fact that she (and others) were calling. It does damage trust, the more you feel you do not have the right to say anything the more suspicion grows. It is interesting how he deleted his fb. Also interesting how this girl called several times while he was with you. In my opinion he opened the door to talk about it when he sent a text message asking about the relationship. It seems to me that he was fishing for permission to go out with her. He seems torn between the two of you. So, I would ask him if he is exclusive when dating or if he dates multiple people at the same time? You have the right to know these things. Why should you be exclusive while waiting to see if he is the one when he is playing dating games?
Space Ritual Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Wow, sorry that happened to you. This is a snapshot of a guy who has something to hide. He calls you up at 2:30 to ask that question? sounds to me like he maybe has been seeing her as well(either online or in real life) and he felt forced to make some kind of half baked decision. I would venture a guess that if you continue with this guy it will lead to heartache for you if you get serious. Those aren't red flags you describe...those are Red Blimps above the Orange Bowl. Deleting his FB like that probably means that he is in the process of creating a backup page to carry on some other online hijinx without you knowing. I say that because people tend to be practically married to their pages and it would have taken an earth shattering event for him to take it down. an event like a GF busting him for stringing other women along online. This is drama you don't need...run from this Cad
Recommended Posts