mem11363 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 MD, You make some very good points so let me share a viewpoint at the halfway point of what I hope will be a lifelong marriage. You MUST find a way to make the commitment stronger then "lets try to stay together at least until the kids leave for college" For us my wife is truly religious - she treats our marriage as sacred - and after 20 years that approach seems right to me as well so I do also. Failing that just consider a simple scenario. - Young man chases woman - she lets him catch her they marry. - He continues to woo her post marriage - she doesn't make so much effort for him Twenty years go by. She still doesn't treat him that well. He has done very well at work. He meets someone younger who really looks up to him. He divorces wife one and dates the new girl. This happens every day. Who really just marries for love? The thought that the same person can be entertaining and exciting physically and emotionally to you for 50 plus years is mind boggling stupid My friedns who i love we get on each others nerves if we are together for a weekend i could i being with the same human being eveyrday for the rest of your life unless youre getting something out of it in a big way financially and in other ways Love doesnt even exist its heavy lust plus really really like and a good conection plus societal presurres to marry and have a family Love would inmply its special when theyres pletny of Men i could have the same exact feelings for if given the right opportunity as could anyone else,your husband or wife isnt speical nor your soulmate just somebodyyou connected with that you happen to meet at the right time in your life There is no amazing bond you two share that cant be dupicated with anyoen else,its a bunch of fairtytale garbage
SOLACEMENT Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Real issues cause feathers to be ruffled and that's what's going on in here. We've struck some nerves and people are jumping at target words and reacting. I'm glad I know myself...One of the most humble people. Not a golddigger. But if you see a woman working hard and being independent(which I am), it goes without saying that even strong people like to offered help, even if they refuse the help. This is my main point of this thread. I do not ask men for money nor do I expect it. The maryjane/johnnyboy was hypothetical,lol, for goodness sake. But women do like to know that a man will offer, just like men like to see women attemp to pay for dinner sometimes(even though they may not accept the woman's money). So the intent behind this thread is that people do not like to be taken for granted (men/nor women), in my particular case I used money as the example...EXAMPLE, yet it is very true in many cases whether some people like it or not. I understand what you are saying fully...yes "independent" women want to get offered stuff ... yes like a vacation together... a cooked meal...something along that line..but for the man to pay the car note...umm No! Nobody at all likes to be taking for granted but if you allow it it would happen...if you know said man is only after sex why would you continue going out with him? Yes he may be taking you for granted with "sex" but then what is the difference with "money"?
alphamale Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So, it seems normal for men to ask women for sex regularly(whether in a relationship or not), but when and if a woman asks a man for money or help with bills just as much as he asks her for sex, the woman is considered crazy, a gold digger or worse, a whore... no shes considered a wife, hahahahaha
Pizzaman81 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So, it seems normal for men to ask women for sex regularly(whether in a relationship or not), but when and if a woman asks a man for money or help with bills just as much as he asks her for sex, the woman is considered crazy, a gold digger or worse, a whore... Why? If my girlfriend constantly asks me for money, this shows me she doesn't have her crap together. If I constantly ask for sex, this means I am horny.
Author luvflower Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I understand what you are saying fully...yes "independent" women want to get offered stuff ... yes like a vacation together... a cooked meal...something along that line..but for the man to pay the car note...umm No! Nobody at all likes to be taking for granted but if you allow it it would happen...if you know said man is only after sex why would you continue going out with him? Yes he may be taking you for granted with "sex" but then what is the difference with "money"? I just said in a previous that I AM NO LONGER GOING OUT WITH HIM(the guy who was a prick)...gosh. The other thing I posted was hypothetical, although true for some. I even cut a conversation short and have not been in the prick's presence since that conversation. I refuse to b/c I know myself. I would only have an attitude and to me that's a waste of time and love. This prick will not get anymore of my energy b/c I can see right through him. I'm not materialistic by any means. I have merely posted a thread for discussion and I'm pleased at the amount(not so much the content) of dialogue.
Author luvflower Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 If my girlfriend constantly asks me for money, this shows me she doesn't have her crap together. If I constantly ask for sex, this means I am horny. Well you need to calm your horny tail down;) No, seriously though I think it's healthy to be horny for and have sex with the person you're IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH...
Author luvflower Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 no shes considered a wife, hahahahaha .....wow.......
SOLACEMENT Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I just said in a previous that I AM NO LONGER GOING OUT WITH HIM(the guy who was a prick)...gosh. The other thing I posted was hypothetical, although true for some. I even cut a conversation short and have not been in the prick's presence since that conversation. I refuse to b/c I know myself. I would only have an attitude and to me that's a waste of time and love. This prick will not get anymore of my energy b/c I can see right through him. I'm not materialistic by any means. I have merely posted a thread for discussion and I'm pleased at the amount(not so much the content) of dialogue. K ...you asked why right? anyway night.... as long as you are not still in contact with him
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Because sex is part of a healthy, loving, romantic relationship and is a show of affection for your partner...and money is just a side benefit? That's the difference I see. I can't believe the two are being compared and I hope you're being sarcastic.
carhill Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Umm well carhill yeah I pretty much was. Let's see, my mom bartered sex for marriage. Yep, pretty simple concept there that she's not ashamed aboutWell, now we know where the philosophy came from. You were socialized with it. Proceed
Sam Spade Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) Because sex is a normal part of any loving relationship, while begging for money is just being a lazy and irresponsible lowlife. Conversely, viewing sex like something to be "given away" (rather than as a natural expression of love) is one of the clearest indications for major emotional issues. If women expect regular assistance with money, well, that would be fine too, but in that case they should truly satisfy each and every sexual urge on a whim . (Having to 'ask' for it, multiple time, is not it) Edited January 4, 2010 by Sam Spade
MissJoness Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 If a woman has sex for money who in the world is going to know anyway if you go around telling everybody. It's really not that big of a deal. There are women who have sugardaddies all the time, its not that big of a deal. They go off and get married just like everybody else
Agoraphobianebula Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Sex = Apples Money = Oranges Comparing the two is assinine.
samspade Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So, it seems normal for men to ask women for sex regularly(whether in a relationship or not), but when and if a woman asks a man for money or help with bills just as much as he asks her for sex, the woman is considered crazy, a gold digger or worse, a whore... Why? If a man has to ask for sex, he is not acting like a man. He is supplicating. A woman can go out and make money just like a man. That's what women have spent the last 100 years fighting for in this country.
doushenka Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Yes he gets upset when he doesn't get what he wants and I get confused when I have a bill that needs to be paid that I can (no doubt) take care of(that's for BOGGIE boy) , but it's nice for a man to "offer". That's an awfully entitled attitude. If you're grown enough to be having sex, you're grown enough to be paying for your own meals, and I hope you're grown enough to have sorted out your personal expenses without waiting for Mister Right Now to offer to fix them. Applies to all women in my acquaintance, not just the ones I meet on message boards -- and, shock and horror, I apply it to myself. Egalitarian feminist, not "take 'em for all they got" kind.
Els Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 If he wants to have sex when you don't want to or aren't in a committed relationship (and you feel you need to be in one to have sex), don't have it then. It's entirely your prerogative, just like his money is his. Don't you think that's a better solution than for you to be caving in to his sex demands when you don't want to, and for him to be sponsoring all your bills?
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