heartbr0ken1 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Hey everyone to make a long story short my boyfriend of almost a year picked up and moved out. We were living together for only a month, but we started fighting constantly. He then says he needs space to work on himself. He is starting a new job and he needs space, but considering he cheated on me with his ex and lied to me about it while we were together it makes it hard to believe. He still contacts me once in a while to say Merry Christmas or Happy New Year and it's so hard to ignore him. I just want to maintain No Contact but I have been unsuccessful. I know his "space" excuse might also be a way to let me down easy. Either way I am still wishing we would be together again and I know it's best we aren't because he really is no good for me. He was verbally abusive and controlling at times and I know it wouldn't get better, but it definitely has taken a toll on my self-esteem that is why I believe I'm so hung up on him.
LovelyDaze Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Sorry to hear what you are going through. Obviously, most of here on LS feel your pain more than you can understand. What you must do is think about how you said he is emotionally and physically abusive. Do you want to feel what else he is made of? If you haven't read about me, I had an ex who left me, tried to cheat on his new fiancee WITH me, and had the nerve to ask me to wait for him so we can restart our relationship when he returns from duty in Afghanistan. It's stupid and had I accepted such an offer, make me look like a complete self-loathing moron. No, it is not love. It is maniacal. Your ex "keeps in touch" to make sure you are still there as his backup plan. I know that you don't feel you are but he does. Read some posts/threads of the more prolific members of LS like DenverBachelor, hoping2heal, Caliguy, and Tara Maiden. They are some of my favorites and I have many, who dispense wisdom like chefs in a 5 star restaurant! You need to step back and think carefully if you truly want a yo-yo relationship with false hope and even greater pain every time your ex feels he needs some space. Don't hurt yourself any further than now. Get up and decide today that you won't take his crap another day longer.
gaudi Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Lovelydaze is right (she's a strong one you see). There is a pool of knowledge and experience on LS that you can just dip into when you need to. It helps me a lot, and offering advice to others here and there yourself is a big help in seeing more clearly too I think. But first thing is the NC, I was unsuccessful in sticking to it initially, but now when I've just GOT TO CONTACT HER, I just come on here and post......it works !! Good luck to you ....x
LovelyDaze Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Lovelydaze is right (she's a strong one you see). There is a pool of knowledge and experience on LS that you can just dip into when you need to. It helps me a lot, and offering advice to others here and there yourself is a big help in seeing more clearly too I think. But first thing is the NC, I was unsuccessful in sticking to it initially, but now when I've just GOT TO CONTACT HER, I just come on here and post......it works !! Good luck to you ....x Gosh, thanks gaudi! You are definitely one of the faves I was talking about! gaudi just gave you a great tip. Whenever you feel like contactingyour ex, come to LS & talk with some of us. I also like to write in journals & unsent letters to my ex. He will never see them but it doesn't matter...it's for me & lets a lot of pain out.
Author heartbr0ken1 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 thank you all! I love reading this board it gives me so much insight. It's a very hard time right now. I know no one ever died from a broken heart right??
LovelyDaze Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 thank you all! I love reading this board it gives me so much insight. It's a very hard time right now. I know no one ever died from a broken heart right?? NOPE:p It just feels like it, we know. Get through this time with your dignity in tact. The hard work for all of us to get through those painful times without feeling this need to be or talk to our ex again. Everytime I feel a little nudge wanting me to shoot him an e-mail to "settle" things I remind myself that IT IS settled. My ex made a choice and it is now his job to live with that decision without me popping up out of the bushes,telling him he is wrong. And wrong he may be but it is HIS decision. Our job as dumpees is to let them live with it and heal ourselves. Living well is the only way out. Of course grieve when you need to but keep walking down life's path toward a brighter future. You have one right in front of you so make sure you are wearing really nice comfortable shoes and great sunglasses.
Author heartbr0ken1 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 wow that was perfectly put Lovely! It truly does give me some hope. I can't change his decision and my friend told me "once a cheater, always a cheater" I'm not sure how true that statement is, but I don't see any change in his forecast the way he was flim flamming between the two of us. I get a little stronger each day, but the holidays really set me back with him. Everytime I try to initiate NC he seems to text or call me. This is therapeutic, it really is. It is settled you are right. NOPE:p It just feels like it, we know. Get through this time with your dignity in tact. The hard work for all of us to get through those painful times without feeling this need to be or talk to our ex again. Everytime I feel a little nudge wanting me to shoot him an e-mail to "settle" things I remind myself that IT IS settled. My ex made a choice and it is now his job to live with that decision without me popping up out of the bushes,telling him he is wrong. And wrong he may be but it is HIS decision. Our job as dumpees is to let them live with it and heal ourselves. Living well is the only way out. Of course grieve when you need to but keep walking down life's path toward a brighter future. You have one right in front of you so make sure you are wearing really nice comfortable shoes and great sunglasses.
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