Author aerogurl87 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Welll honestly Aero, he may be feeling a little too comfortable where he is, but it's something he has to make the decision about on his own. I suspect that if your relationship is good, and he knew that his situation would be a deal breaker that he would make the necessary changes. He may be saving to buy a house instead of being a renter- which would be okay in the grand scheme of things. It could be worse for sure. If he doesn't see himself out of his parents house in 5 years- I hope you REALLY, REALLY like his mom. Lol, if he doesn't see himself out of his parents house in 5 years then I'm gone. We can still be friends though. But seriously if his real reasons are that he's saving for a house, then that's fine with me. In fact I could see him doing something like that since he's really careful with his money and almost always saves his money instead of going out and spending it all the time (aside from his bills). I know the other day we were talking and he said that his parents like him more than his brother and sister because although he stays at home, he doesn't constantly beg them for money and he gives them money which they use to help out his brother and sister instead. So maybe your right, anyway I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Lol, if he doesn't see himself out of his parents house in 5 years then I'm gone. We can still be friends though. But seriously if his real reasons are that he's saving for a house, then that's fine with me. In fact I could see him doing something like that since he's really careful with his money and almost always saves his money instead of going out and spending it all the time (aside from his bills). I know the other day we were talking and he said that his parents like him more than his brother and sister because although he stays at home, he doesn't constantly beg them for money and he gives them money which they use to help out his brother and sister instead. So maybe your right, anyway I guess I'll find out tomorrow. Can I add something here? I cannot understand the culture here in America. So let's say after you get married, his parents becomes sick. He is the only child and needs to take care of them. Are you bailing? What would you do with your parents if they needed help?
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Can I add something here? I cannot understand the culture here in America. So let's say after you get married, his parents becomes sick. He is the only child and needs to take care of them. Are you bailing? What would you do with your parents if they needed help? That would be an entirely different situation. If his parents were sick (which they aren't since they are happy, healthy, and always going on trips) then I would understand him staying home. If my parents were sick I'd want to take care of them, but his parents aren't sick. If the situation were to change then yes I'd be behind him 100% if he wanted to stay with them and take care of them. But no, he's living with his parents in their house and they are perfectly fine. Anyway, like I said I'll talk to him tomorrow and see if we're on the same page when it comes to what we want in the future.
alphamale Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 But no, he's living with his parents in their house and they are perfectly fine. due to the major recession there are tons of folks who have moved back in with their parents, even people in their 40s and 50s
Pizzaman81 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 That would be an entirely different situation. If his parents were sick (which they aren't since they are happy, healthy, and always going on trips) then I would understand him staying home. If my parents were sick I'd want to take care of them, but his parents aren't sick. If the situation were to change then yes I'd be behind him 100% if he wanted to stay with them and take care of them. But no, he's living with his parents in their house and they are perfectly fine. Anyway, like I said I'll talk to him tomorrow and see if we're on the same page when it comes to what we want in the future. No no no.. let's say his parents are so sick, that they can't be by themselves. He asks them to move into the house with you.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 due to the major recession there are tons of folks who have moved back in with their parents, even people in their 40s and 50s Alphamale he has a job, he can actually afford to live on his own, he's choosing not to.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 No no no.. let's say his parents are so sick, that they can't be by themselves. He asks them to move into the house with you. Sure, if we were to get married in the future and they got so sick that they needed to be taken care of by us all the time, then yeah they could move in. I wouldn't have a problem with that either.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Sure, if we were to get married in the future and they got so sick that they needed to be taken care of by us all the time, then yeah they could move in. I wouldn't have a problem with that either. Nice, you're a good catch...
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Nice, you're a good catch... Haha, thanks.
alphamale Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Alphamale he has a job, he can actually afford to live on his own, he's choosing not to. maybe hes trying to save up money? does he take u out to nice places?
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 maybe hes trying to save up money? does he take u out to nice places? Hmm, not super expensive but still nice. Anyway as an update I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years and he said he didn't know as he didn't make 5 year plans.
alphamale Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Hmm, not super expensive but still nice. thats good you have nothing to worry about Anyway as an update I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years and he said he didn't know as he didn't make 5 year plans. thats a valid answer
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Yeah I wouldn't be able to handle that...I have a pretty reasonable list of qualities I prefer in a mate and in no way do I expect them to be wealthy and own a mansion, or even a house... ...but I would not be able to date a guy who didn't have his own place. Especially a guy of that age. My boyfriend is 33 and him living with his parents would probably have been a dealbreaker...it's likely that we wouldn't have started dating at all because it's just a turn off to me. If he has no aspirations of being out on his own...which is what I'm getting from your posts...definite red flag.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Yeah I wouldn't be able to handle that...I have a pretty reasonable list of qualities I prefer in a mate and in no way do I expect them to be wealthy and own a mansion, or even a house... ...but I would not be able to date a guy who didn't have his own place. Especially a guy of that age. My boyfriend is 33 and him living with his parents would probably have been a dealbreaker...it's likely that we wouldn't have started dating at all because it's just a turn off to me. If he has no aspirations of being out on his own...which is what I'm getting from your posts...definite red flag. I didn't mind him living at home when he told me that he was actively searching for his own place when we started dating. But it's been 3 months and it seems like he's just happy with living at home with his parents. I'm younger than him and even if I did get along with my parents as well as he does, I'd still want to move out and have my own place. So yeah I do feel like he has no aspirations of living on his own again, which is why I'm worried this may be a red flag.
JustLooking123 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 Eh....I'd give it a couple weeks; maybe he'll get sick of living at home and realize the errors of his ways. I know that at this point in my life, I can only visit the 'rents for a few days without going a little crazy (and I adore my parents!). Never mind, I just read the post where you said it's been 3 months. Heh, ignore me.
Art_Critic Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 it seems like he's just happy with living at home with his parents. I guess that leaves the swinging from the chandelier monkey sex for the days the parents aren't there then That has to be tough..
kiss_andmakeup Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 I guess that leaves the swinging from the chandelier monkey sex for the days the parents aren't there then That has to be tough.. Exactly!! That would be one of the major obstacles...not being able to have loud raunchy sex!
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 I guess that leaves the swinging from the chandelier monkey sex for the days the parents aren't there then That has to be tough.. Yeah, no kidding! Well I don't want to end things with him because I really do love him. He's been a great boyfriend all around, but if he doesn't plan to move out soon then I don't think I'm going to be able to continue things the way they are. I'm not a gold digger or anything, but I think a 30 year old man who can afford to live on their own should be living away from home, whether that be by themselves or with a roommate(s), it should be happening.
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 (edited) Well I don't want to end things with him because I really do love him. He's been a great boyfriend all around, but if he doesn't plan to move out soon then I don't think I'm going to be able to continue things the way they are. I'm not a gold digger or anything, but I think a 30 year old man who can afford to live on their own should be living away from home, whether that be by themselves or with a roommate(s), it should be happening. Did you actually tell him all of this? How exactly did you respond when he told you he didn't have a 5 year plan? Maybe I lack perspective, but I don't see a point in anyone that old moving back in with their parents unless they a) went back to school, b) were recently unemployed and can't find work, c)family issues where moving back benefits the family or d) medical reasons. Since none of that applies here, I don't see the point. Edited January 5, 2010 by MyNameIsJonas grammar
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 Did you actually tell him all of this? How exactly did you respond when he told you he didn't have a 5 year plan? Maybe I lack perspective, but I don't see a point in anyone that old moving back in with their parents unless they a) went back to school, b) were recently unemployed and can't find work, c)family issues where moving back benefits the family or d) medical reasons. Since none of that applies here, I don't see the point. No I didn't tell him all that, so maybe I should. And when he told me he didn't have a 5 year plan I just said "I see" and kept the conversation going in another direction. By the way he moved back in with his parents when he couldn't afford his old rent because he was paying more in medical bills than for his rent since his old job took away his insurance. Now he has insurance with his new job again, so he can afford to move out on his own now if he wants. This is why I'm thinking this may all be a red flag.
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 No I didn't tell him all that, so maybe I should. And when he told me he didn't have a 5 year plan I just said "I see" and kept the conversation going in another direction. By the way he moved back in with his parents when he couldn't afford his old rent because he was paying more in medical bills than for his rent since his old job took away his insurance. Now he has insurance with his new job again, so he can afford to move out on his own now if he wants. This is why I'm thinking this may all be a red flag. You may be jumping to conclusions a bit with the whole "red flag" comment, but I think one of the reasons there is an issue with you is because he thinks there isn't one. You may have reinforced that belief when you changed the subject after his answer for the "5 year plan" question. He wants to do this and since you have not objected, he is under the belief that you don't have an opinion, when in fact you do. If you really love this guy, I think you owe it to him to lay all of this out on the table, so to speak, and let him decide. Holding back your true emotions isn't helping you, and it sure isn't going to help the relationship.
Author aerogurl87 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 You may be jumping to conclusions a bit with the whole "red flag" comment, but I think one of the reasons there is an issue with you is because he thinks there isn't one. You may have reinforced that belief when you changed the subject after his answer for the "5 year plan" question. He wants to do this and since you have not objected, he is under the belief that you don't have an opinion, when in fact you do. If you really love this guy, I think you owe it to him to lay all of this out on the table, so to speak, and let him decide. Holding back your true emotions isn't helping you, and it sure isn't going to help the relationship. That is where my dilemma lies (the part in bold). I want to tell him how I feel without making it sound like I'm making an ultimatum. I want him to want to move out on his own, not just because he's afraid if he doesn't do so he'll lose me.
gypsy_nicky Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 is this a double standard women impose on men? What if a woman was still living with her parents, would this be a red flag?
ordinary_girl Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 is this a double standard women impose on men? What if a woman was still living with her parents, would this be a red flag? yes of course.
New Again Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 My boyfriend of 3 months is 31 years old and lives with his parents. Now at first I could understand why he moved back in, he had to pay $600 a month in insurance and could barely afford living on his own at that point so he moved back home. That was with his old job though, where they had cut off his insurance, but now he has a new job with insurance and making good pay. At first he told me that he was looking around at apartments and houses, trying to save up a bit more than he had so he could find a nice place to move. But that was 3, almost 4 months ago. Yesterday I asked him if he was ever going to move out of his parents house again. He told me that he would eventually, but he was enjoying living at home with his mom cooking him dinner everyday, and he didn't see any rush in moving out. So I'm starting to wonder if this is a red flag. I mean, I'd think that the average 30 year old male would want his own place, especially if he had lived on his own once before. Granted, his parents don't bother him much or try to get into his business, and he does pay them about $500 in rent each month, but I'm starting to wonder if this is a red flag and possibly a sign of him being a "momma's boy". I don't know that this is a "commitmentphobe" red flag, but his response (he likes his mom taking care of him) is a major turn off, and probably some kind of flag. Sounds like he gave you some misleading information = another turn off. Also, I just need to say, what the hell is wrong with him?!?! If he has the chance to save some money by living at home, and he is a 31 year old male who wants a family (or at the very least to be self sufficient??) ...DUDE SAVE UP FOR A DOWN PAYMENT ON A HOUSE! Prices are ridiculous right now. He could even rent out the extra bedrooms and let his roommates pay his mortgage.
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