wing81 Posted December 24, 2003 Posted December 24, 2003 It has been three months since my girlfriend and I broke up. No matter what I do I can't get her out of my head, and of course she always seems to say or do something that keeps her there. The past couple of weeks or so has been the weirdest part. I have no clue what is going through her head or why she does what she does. A couple of weeks ago after not talking to her for over 2 weeks she give me a call saying she is in town for a little while and wants to drop off a graduation present. She swings by and gives me an engraved picture frame, a teddy bear, and a card. They were nice gifts but nothing particularly special. Ever since then she has been on my mind. I wrote nice a thank you note for her and her parents and dropped it by her house. She was home and we talked for 10-15 minutes about how things were going and I left. She told me during that time that she wanted a picture book back that I had at some point. I gave her a call and asked when she wanted it and she seemed upset. When I asked if everything was ok almost immediately she told me that she had a date and was nervous. I was surprised and in a friendly tone asked with who. This made her more upset which wasn't my intention. Before I hung up I truthfully told her to good luck and to have fun. The next day again she calls me and tell me she is in the area and wants to pick up the stuff I had. I gave it too her and she was sweetier than she had been in almost two months. This always seems to be the way that things have been for use lately. One minute she is upset with me the next she is seems happy to see me. She had blocked me on instant messanger for almost a month and suddenly tonight she has unblocked me. I haven't brought up the issue of our break up in 3 months and the only conversation we have had about it was a 10 minute over the phone when she first told me and through one exchange of one page emails. She seems to be avoiding it all at cost, almost as if to run away from it. Of course she is much more mature. She always tells me to email her and I have a done so three times in the past two months. However I have never received a response to any of them. They were just friend how are you doing types of emails. I'm confused because her feelings toward me change from second to second, I can never tell whether or not she wants to talk to me. I'm frustrated because she seems to constantly lie to me, and makes me feel like I was the worst boyfriend in the world to her and never did anything for her, which isn't the case at all. I just wish I knew what was going on in her head and why she continues to play these childish games rather than talk to me like a person. What I really want is her out of my head and to forget about her like she apparently done with me. I know she message probably seems a little scattered because of how much is running through my head, but if I can clear anything up let me know. Thanks for any advice or perspective that you can give.
mjk Posted December 24, 2003 Posted December 24, 2003 It kinda sounds to me like she isn't over you but on the other hand, she is afraid to commit also. Kinda depends on how long you want to stay on the roller-coaster ride? sounds like you are ready to get off. You probably should. You'll feel better. Do you really want to be in that much of her drama? I'd guess probably not. good-luck!
Author wing81 Posted December 24, 2003 Author Posted December 24, 2003 mjk, thanks for your post. I kind of had that feeling too a little. But recently she has an away message that says "Two days ti I see my sweetie". However, she does just about everything she can to hide this fact from me, like i'm an idiot. Her having another guys already doesn't upset me already as much as her not wanting to talk. I have so much anger and resentment toward her right now and it doesn't seem to get any better. I just wish she could sit down and be honest with me rather than hide things. She says that she is more mature now and grown up but how can that be when she can't talk and be honest. At this point I don't even think I can be friends with her because what she has put me through over the past three months. At the same time though I can't imagine never talking to her again. I'm not sure if she is just trying to keep my on the back burner, rub it in my face, or trying to keep from hurting my feelings. She has to know that either way she is pushing me further and further away. I don't know how to get her out of my mind or whether I should confront her about all the way that she has made me feel over the past 3 months. I know it is a complicated situation I just wish there was an easy way out.
sarah12 Posted December 24, 2003 Posted December 24, 2003 The easy way out, although not so easy, is to stop all contact with her. Seems like it's the advice of the month on this forum! But really, if she is confusing you so much, and acting so immaturely, do you really want to be friends with her right now? She needs to grow up and learn to deal with her communication problems. If you want, you could send her one last e-mail or something saying how you feel and that you cannot be friends with her right now b/c of the way she makes you feel with her actions. Then leave it at that. You'd be surprised at how much better you'll feel after getting it out. Then, if she replies, then that's good, you have some answers about her actions. If not, then that's too bad for her, and you got your answer right there.
mjk Posted December 24, 2003 Posted December 24, 2003 Maybe try to give yourself some breathing room, At this point I don't even think I can be friends with her because what she has put me through over the past three months. At the same time though I can't imagine never talking to her again. I'm not sure if she is just trying to keep my on the back burner, rub it in my face, or trying to keep from hurting my feelings. She has to know that either way she is pushing me further and further away. I don't know how to get her out of my mind or whether I should confront her about all the way that she has made me feel over the past 3 months. I know it is a complicated situation I just wish there was an easy way You are answering your own question here, really. I know its hard to give up. i was once called "fatalistically optimistic" meaning I'd keep trying beyond all known hope. But, time to move on. you would not believe how irrelevant this will be when you are in a good, solid relationship!
Author wing81 Posted December 25, 2003 Author Posted December 25, 2003 Yeah, I know I need to cut off the contact with her and I am really trying. MJK you are right, I am being "fatalistically optimistic". I guess the hardest part is that this was my first relationship and after 2 years I think I deserve more than a phone call and email about breaking up. I just wish she understood. I'm mainly just ranting now but I want to tell her how she has made me feel but I don't want hurt her feelings. I love her and hate her all at the same time. It was mainly just the past few months of our relationship that went pourly, especially since we weren't able to spend a lot of time together, almost none. I know we could have worked things out, if we had more time together. I know I'm stuck in the past and I really do need to move on but I just don't have many places to turn right now. I hate what this has done to my life, I find I'm annoyed with just about everyone. My self esteem is lower because I thought I meant more to her than I apparently did and can't help but think of how quickly she has moved on. Just wish I knew that she thought about me once in a while. I'm sure a lot of you think i'm being pathetic and should just get over it, believe me I'm trying. I don't expect a response, I just needed to get some more things off my chest. I hope everyone has a Happy Holiday season.
mjk Posted December 25, 2003 Posted December 25, 2003 Hi wing81, Earlier today Tony made a post of which some might be of help to you... Back off and she'll respect you a lot more for sure. What you're doing now is only going to work out for the worst. There is no way of knowing where this lady's heart is but the sooner you stop caring, the sooner you can get on with your life. Don't put such importance on the decisions she makes...make your own decisions for your life. Hedging your existance on the whims of some other person miles away, across a whole ocean, is absolutely insane. And judging from her actions and responses, you may have to change the way you do things for a very long time if you want her around. I personally would just ignore her for a while and find somebody nice right there where you are. I lived in England for a while and I met new ladies every day and they were GREAT!!! The only thing was they ate weird food I didn't particularly care for so I always carried fish and chips in my coat pocket. You blokes in England eat pretty bland stuff! I think the part about the sooner you stop caring and not allowing yourself to be pulled into her drama the better. This type of hurt doesn't go away that quickly but if you feel what you've said to be true to yourself, it will work for you.
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