CaspianDreams Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I'm just starting to re-attempt online dating (haven't done it for about 2 years), and was wondering how most people view the first meeting (date, or just meeting), and whether or not a kiss is expected if things go alright. I generally view it as a meeting, essentially to see if I want to date. If I view it that way, though, I'm prone not to kissing them, maybe just a hug or something. If the chemistry was decent, should I just go straight in for the kiss and not worry about it? How would the hug be viewed - is this friendzone? Or just don't worry about a kiss, as it can be done on the next meeting?
MyNameIsJonas Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 If the chemistry was decent, should I just go straight in for the kiss and not worry about it? How would the hug be viewed - is this friendzone? Or just don't worry about a kiss, as it can be done on the next meeting? Absolutely not. Do not make such a bold move on the first "date" with someone you meet online. In my experiences, women are very nervious going into this situation, reagrdless of how many times they have done it, how long you two have been talking, and so forth. Thus, they will already have a bit of a wall up. The best plan for this situation is to be as casual as possible. As you said eariler, get to know her, ask questions, and joke around a bit to break the ice. If things go well (body language wise), you could go for a hug, but nothing beyond that. Save the bolder moves for the 2nd or 3rd date, depending on the woman in question.
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I wouldn't overthink it Cas. If you're feeling the vibe go for it. It's not a deal breaker to end a first date with a hug or a kiss. I've kissed a few guys on the first date from an online meeting- or rather they have kissed me. Actually, one guy I was on the fence about in terms of physical attraction took charge and laid a kiss on me during dinner- and I immediately jumped off the fence into his yard!
sagetalk Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I've never kissed a girl on the first date online or not. I think a hug is the bare minimum though. If you don't make physical contact some other guy will.
Author CaspianDreams Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I haven't thought about it much - yet. I just got back from a first online meeting (actually, my first ever from OKCupid). Things went pretty well - had a few drinks, and chatted for almost 3 hours. I was of the "it's just a meeting" mentality, and got a much closer hug than expected, and quick glance afterward that was more than suggestive of her wanting, or at least thinking she might get, a kiss. She didn't get one, as I'm not really sure where I stand, but I was just curious to see how people view it, and what's expected. Her body language, chemistry, touching, etcetera, were definitely all go signals, so the shot my way at the end wasn't all that unexpected. As an FYI, I have definitely kissed people after a first online encounter - generally with good results.
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I haven't thought about it much - yet. I just got back from a first online meeting (actually, my first ever from OKCupid). Things went pretty well - had a few drinks, and chatted for almost 3 hours. I was of the "it's just a meeting" mentality, and got a much closer hug than expected, and quick glance afterward that was more than suggestive of her wanting, or at least thinking she might get, a kiss. She didn't get one, as I'm not really sure where I stand, but I was just curious to see how people view it, and what's expected. Her body language, chemistry, touching, etcetera, were definitely all go signals, so the shot my way at the end wasn't all that unexpected. As an FYI, I have definitely kissed people after a first online encounter - generally with good results. So will you go out with her again based on what you got out of the first date? I'm fine with the kiss on the first date if the timing works out.
Noob7_0 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I ran into this situation the other day. Just gave her a good night hug. Wish I took it further...lesson learned I guess.
stevejohnson1976 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 ok, let me preface this by saying I'm pretty lost onj this subject as you can see by my threads...but what i can contribute is my experience with online first dates. i would say never kiss on a first date unless it's so blatantly obvious that you should. It takes more than one date to get to this comfort level. You are both very nervous and just trying to get the lay of the land so to speak. In my experience, which consists of 7 first dates from online, NONE of them gave me that sure fire opportunity for a kiss. If its not a slam dunk deal that you know she/he wants one, lay off. It may scare them off, but not doing so wont seal your fate. 2nd or 3rd date seems like the perfect opportunity. Anything longer than that and you are headed for the friends zone.
Author CaspianDreams Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I'm a bit on the fence about another meeting...I think if I were really feeling it, I would have kissed her today (as she was certainly giving me all the signals). I suppose I should give her another whirl, just to see what things are like outside of the first meeting context. D-lish, Were you more likely to go out with the guy again if he kissed you on the first date? Or were you fine going out with him again if he just lobbed a hug your way? Obviously, if the chemistry was amazing, the likelihood of a kiss as well as a second date are higher, but did you give them negative points for the hug, and no kiss, if things were going well?
Author CaspianDreams Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I ran into this situation the other day. Just gave her a good night hug. Wish I took it further...lesson learned I guess. I've done that a few times - definitely sucks, all the second guessing, wondering, etc.. If things are ok, generally a kiss will ensure a second date. Basically, I think if the girl is up for second date, she will more than likely accept a kiss on the first date. So you'll get some conversion from the fence (like D-lish described), and it removes a lot of uncertainty on your part...that's generally a first date though. I'm a bit torn with how I should really view a first online encounter, as it's clearly different than going out with some one you met at a party, or something, and you already have a read on them.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I'm just starting to re-attempt online dating (haven't done it for about 2 years), and was wondering how most people view the first meeting (date, or just meeting), and whether or not a kiss is expected if things go alright. If you go about it ideally, you'll be boffing one another just hours after your first meeting. This requires patience before you actually meet in real life. It represents one of the few scenarios on earth where a woman can boff a man she feels she knows, while at the same time a man is boffing a woman he just met. Bottom line (whether you take my earlier words seriously or not): Do NOT meet the guys too quickly, both for your safety, and as a measure of their interest and sincerity.
monkey00 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I think it's best to gauge the situation and how well the first date is going or went. If it goes well, go in for it. If there's still a bit of air of awkwardness, give her a hug and kiss on date two. But I think no matter what, the first kiss will always be awkward. If a girl likes you enough, she'll wait for you to make a move on date two.
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 D-lish, Were you more likely to go out with the guy again if he kissed you on the first date? Or were you fine going out with him again if he just lobbed a hug your way? Obviously, if the chemistry was amazing, the likelihood of a kiss as well as a second date are higher, but did you give them negative points for the hug, and no kiss, if things were going well? No- no negative points on the non-kiss. Totally positive points for taking charge with the kiss though. He literally stood up, leaned across the table, grabbed the back of my neck to draw me in and kiss me. Like I said, I went from 50% attraction to 100% attraction then. After that date I couldn't stop thinking about the kiss. I would have gone out with that guy again, but I wouldn't have been left with the thoughts of wanting him to kiss me again. I couldn't stop thinking about it- and until the kiss, I was just "interested".
Author CaspianDreams Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Just curious, what was the set-up for that kiss, or was it more just off the cuff (i.e. a break in the conversation, so he did that instead of an awkward silence)...regardless, it sounds pretty awesome. I just have to get some balls and try that move out.
Pizzaman81 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 OOOH there's people who do MUCH MORE than kiss on the first date of an online encounter. But don't be those people or you have already lost in life.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Current guy I'm dating - met online. No kiss on first date even though the thing lasted 6 hours and there was clear chemistry. Just a hug (and a half-hug, at that - because I was holding a food container). Went on a date the very next day where we DID kiss, so I'd say no friendzone for hugging on first date.
johngdating Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Why won't you kiss if you click on the first date? If mother nature gives you the comfort level of doing this-why wait till the next date??? :-) John
Author CaspianDreams Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 I thought I had mentioned it, but maybe not. We got along alright, there was some chemistry, but at least for me it wasn't amazing. Based on her body launguage, etc., it seemed like she was pretty into it. Even a day later, I'm not entirely sure if I'll book a second date..I'm very much on the fence. If I'm feeling the first date - I'll definitely kiss them. My big question in this thread, is a first meeting from online, really even a date? Usually it feels quite a bit different than a first meeting that is lined up other ways. THen, becaus of that difference, what is actually expected.
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