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How to tell this guy I've been dating on and off I just want to be friends?

thats what i said

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thats what i said Member

thats what i said

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OH please :rolleyes:

 

3 Bajillion dollars says that the "other people" (who are probably just wanting to bang her) she IS ready for after her "hard breakup" are all much more attractive than this sad sap who wants to love her and give her fun companionship.

 

Hey, no need to judge. Its true, he isn't as attractive as the other guys I was seeing but he had a great personality and as mentioned, it was really hard for me to make that decision to end things with this guy. Actually, I thought just the other week that maybe something could happen between us. But because he rarely calls me and we rarely see each other - and I'm not saying it's his fault or anything. He told me he didn't want to fully invest himself in a relationship unless my attention was undivided. It just so happened that someone more interesting came along while he was out of touch... :confused:

cognac Established Member

cognac

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Posted
Hey, no need to judge. Its true, he isn't as attractive as the other guys I was seeing

 

Darnit, couldn't you have waited for Sagetalk to take up my bajillion dollar bet :p

 

I wasn't judging you by the way, I was just addressing Sage's post where he was acting as if the guy you don't want is somehow to blame for you running off with the better looking guys. If anything , he played it smart, if he had invested any more time or emotion in trying to get you he would've been really hurt.

monkey00 Established Member

monkey00

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Posted

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

 

Anyway as for the OP, if you already knew you were going to stick with the guy you're currently seeing you should've never suggested to hangout with out of touch guy to begin with. Then you wouldn't be in this mess.

 

I think the easiest thing to do is to let him down when he tries to get in touch with you again. Just tell him straight up that you've met someone. And since he's been out of touch for 2 months, I doubt he'd be hurt at all since he didn't invest much into it.

 

It's funny I came across this post actually because I was dating this girl before the break and after she came back she wanted us to stop dating but continue hanging out as friends. I know I'm in the back-burner. That's all fine by me, I'm seeing other people and I'm sure she was or plans to also.

cognac Established Member

cognac

Posted
Posted
Don't hate the player, hate the game.

 

Anyway as for the OP, if you already knew you were going to stick with the guy you're currently seeing you should've never suggested to hangout with out of touch guy to begin with. Then you wouldn't be in this mess.

 

I think the easiest thing to do is to let him down when he tries to get in touch with you again. Just tell him straight up that you've met someone. And since he's been out of touch for 2 months, I doubt he'd be hurt at all since he didn't invest much into it.

 

It's funny I came across this post actually because I was dating this girl before the break and after she came back she wanted us to stop dating but continue hanging out as friends. I know I'm in the back-burner. That's all fine by me, I'm seeing other people and I'm sure she was or plans to also.

 

She wants to keep the other guy around for when the rly hot guyz get what they want and move on.

You'reasian Established Member

You'reasian

Posted
Posted
She wants to keep the other guy around for when the rly hot guyz get what they want and move on.

 

....zactly.

meerkat stew Established Member

meerkat stew

Posted
Posted

OP, whatever else you take from this, please resist the urge to tell people "I just want to be friends," which is one of the most obnoxiously insincere things one human being can say to another. Try, "I'm not interested in a relationship with you" instead. After you have been honest, there's no need to go into infinite detail about why or why not, just gracefully excuse yourself and let the rejected person process.

D-Jam Established Member

D-Jam

Posted
Posted
So tell me, with two really harsh experiences of breaking it off in person, how do I develop the courage to continue breaking things off in person or over the phone?

 

It's a sincere question :(

 

First off, I apologize for my harsh tone in the other posts. You are being sincere and you want more to end things smoothly and not run from maturity. I was wrong.

 

Now then, the only thing you can do is more to grow a thick skin. As I said in b52s' topic about "Face to Face", it's harder for women to get honest when there are too many "little boys" who can't handle it and thus will become like the two experiences you described.

 

I guess in my book, the best path is to grow that thick skin and remember you're in the right. If you had been sharing physical intimacy with this guy then he would have some course to get angered...but you didn't...thus things never got too far.

 

Maybe I'm wrong. I guess my thinking is just to be polite, honest, and if the person suddenly becomes a child...to walk and ignore. Even justify it in your mind that his childish behavior only proves more why he's not right for you and you can do better.

 

I also agree men need to grow up. OMG...you got rejected...big frickin deal. Move on. Don't call her derogatory names or believe you've been wronged because you took her out three times, never made a move, and now she's not into you.

 

A few bad apples makes it worse for the actual gentleman and harder on women. I guess you should handle things the best way you know based on the person. Just don't feel bad if a guy tries to belittle you because you politely and respectfully rejected him. It's your heart and he's got no right to come down on you because you were not into him.

 

For me, I'll just be honest and respectful. I guess I managed to get a thick enough skin to deal with the angst. Yes men get it too. I've said before I'm not into obese women...and I've had some very plump ones come on to me, but I would politely and respectfully be honest that I was not into them...not mentioning their weight. They of course would get emotional and turn into a royal b*tch...trying to make me feel bad and make me believe I was shallow.

 

I just realized that I have a right to pick who I want in my life just as much as women do...and I even told off one friend who one night drunkenly gave me crap for rejecting her long ago. I just won't tolerate BS...and I hope feminism would bring that same attitude out in women. :)

 

Just remember you have a say and you're not obligated to date someone just because he's nice to you. I only come down on women who cry that they can't find a good man, but they reject loads of them daily in the hopes of a good man who is packaged as a bad one. :p

boogieboy Established Member

boogieboy

Posted
Posted
But because he rarely calls me and we rarely see each other - It just so happened that someone more interesting came along while he was out of touch... :confused:

 

THIS is what you say to break it off with him. This is the clear truth. You slow, you blow. Why cant you tell him this?

sagetalk Established Member

sagetalk

Posted
Posted
You're absolutely right, that other guy did kiss me...

 

Ha! I knew it :). I've never been in your shoes, so it is difficult to tell you what to do. I've never dated multiple girls at the same time (must be nice). I would recommend you choose the best guy you can find that treats you and others with respect. I know it's hard, but try to keep your emotions in check and use your head along with your heart.

New_Life08 Established Member

New_Life08

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Posted

Just be honest with yourself. When you are dating (of course it is not required) but it is a good idea to stick with one person. I am not talking about hanging with "friends" I mean if you or they have a romantic interest, you should stick with one at a time. Otherwise it can cause unnecessary drama. I think after 2 or 3 dates you should be able to tell if you want to continue or not.

MyNameIsJonas Established Member

MyNameIsJonas

Posted
Posted
THIS is what you say to break it off with him. This is the clear truth. You slow, you blow. Why cant you tell him this?

 

I completely agree here. Your reasoning is clear, concise, and it doesn't directly place the blame on anyone. Plus it gives him something to learn for the next woman.

 

Tell him that exact statement and leave it at that.

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thats what i said Member

thats what i said

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Posted (edited)

Well, like I said in an earlier post here, I didn't have the guts to call him or talk to him face to face and so I sent him a text just saying something like "since we weren't too clear on this before, I hope we can just be friends". I saw the post on not saying "lets be friends" but since we started as friends, I didn't see that as the wrong thing to say. However, I never did hear back from him so I must have really hurt his feelings...

 

Although, I did realize from what everyone has been saying here that I have been creating too much drama for myself in multiple dating... in leading too many guys on, that is. I've actually been kind of seeing 5 different guys...

 

So, with a thickened skin, I called one and and ended things with him. He was sad, but respectful. But it felt REALLY good to actually TELL him, rather than just text... :rolleyes:

 

And then I moved onto the next guy and called him too and ended things with him too. He tried to change my mind, but was also respectful.

 

Amazing! There are actually men out there that can handle rejection without getting really childish. It's a brand new experience for me! And I don't think I would have ever really known that without everyone's input :)

 

So... that's 3 guys down 1 to go and 1 to hang on to... :o

Edited by thats what i said
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