Cora Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So, I've made a new New Years resolution.....never to date again! It's completely overrated. I'm so sick of the questions from family and friends like so...Cora are you seeing anyone? Are you even dating? Then I'll say no and they give you that look and that pittiful oh.... My mother loves to throw in my face how she was married at nineteen and how in a couple of years I'll be thirty. What the hell is it about thirty anyway? I mean jeeze at thirty you are just starting to live right? I think all these perceptions from people who believe you "should" be married by a certain age, and "dating is the thing to do," is really what gives people like me such a negative outlook on it. I mean why does it have to be so much pressure? It is precisely why I no longer like attending family get-togethers around the holidays. Every year it's the same questions. I mean yeah I am still single if you must know, but what's so bad about that? It's better than being in a relationship and then having it fail and having your heart completely ripped out of your chest. I mean seriously, don't they know that I would love to find someone someday, but all of their little remarks and questions don't make it any easier? I know for the most part they are only probably joking around, just wanna see me happy etc.....but damn lay off. To be honest, I don't really care for being single. Yeah, it hurts sometimes to see others in relationships and dating etc., but I want to learn to be completely happy on my own. Like I know I don't need someone else in my life to make me happy or make me feel complete or any of that crap, but it's what people say sometimes that make you feel so ****ty! Like there must be something wrong with you if you don't follow the crowd. What is so bad about being different? I just need to stop letting peoples comments get to me. It's just tough sometimes you know? Anyway, this is just me ranting again...
You'reasian Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So, I've made a new New Years resolution.....never to date again! It's completely overrated. I'm so sick of the questions from family and friends like so...Cora are you seeing anyone? Are you even dating? Then I'll say no and they give you that look and that pittiful oh.... My mother loves to throw in my face how she was married at nineteen and how in a couple of years I'll be thirty. What the hell is it about thirty anyway? I mean jeeze at thirty you are just starting to live right? I think all these perceptions from people who believe you "should" be married by a certain age, and "dating is the thing to do," is really what gives people like me such a negative outlook on it. I mean why does it have to be so much pressure? It is precisely why I no longer like attending family get-togethers around the holidays. Every year it's the same questions. I mean yeah I am still single if you must know, but what's so bad about that? It's better than being in a relationship and then having it fail and having your heart completely ripped out of your chest. I mean seriously, don't they know that I would love to find someone someday, but all of their little remarks and questions don't make it any easier? I know for the most part they are only probably joking around, just wanna see me happy etc.....but damn lay off. To be honest, I don't really care for being single. Yeah, it hurts sometimes to see others in relationships and dating etc., but I want to learn to be completely happy on my own. Like I know I don't need someone else in my life to make me happy or make me feel complete or any of that crap, but it's what people say sometimes that make you feel so ****ty! Like there must be something wrong with you if you don't follow the crowd. What is so bad about being different? I just need to stop letting peoples comments get to me. It's just tough sometimes you know? Anyway, this is just me ranting again... Sorry to hear this, but your family is interested in you, take it that way I went almost a year without dating, focusing on other endeavors and working on myself. It helped consolidate what I really wanted, what I would accept and how to communicate things that were important. When its important for me or for us, I always request face to face discussions when possible etc. It also helped me realize that I would not date in the conventional sense of the word. I would not use dating sites and avoid going to bars strictly for hooking up etc. and instead chose activities or groups as places to meet people. This took the focus off the lame aspects of dating and refocused everything about being onesself and meeting others with similar interests
alphamale Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 i have read your rant cora and sympathize although i will not offer any solutions
Stockalone Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So, I've made a new New Years resolution.....never to date again! It's completely overrated. I'm so sick of the questions from family and friends like so...Cora are you seeing anyone? Are you even dating? Then I'll say no and they give you that look and that pittiful oh.... My mother loves to throw in my face how she was married at nineteen and how in a couple of years I'll be thirty. What the hell is it about thirty anyway? I mean jeeze at thirty you are just starting to live right? I know how you feel. I used to get those questions all the time. Are you seeing someone, are you bringing a date, etc.? And my mother tells me regularly about how she was married and her third baby was on the way when she was my age. I stopped to answer those questions years ago and eventually people stopped asking me. I haven't had a date in many years and my friends never gave me a hard time because of it. They don't understand it, but they never said anything. The really funny thing about my mother is that even when I was already 18 and talked about a friend of mine who had a new gf, my mother would wonder "why do kids your age even have a gf". And now my mother is wondering why I never talked to her about women. I also never brought one home for that very reason. There really is no pleasing some parents if you aren't okay with following a timetable they'd approve of.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Ugh, I hate the " why are you still single?" question. It seems like it's a sin to be alone.
bwidger Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Yeah, I have five sisters and every time I see them (not often) they ask me if I have a gf. Most of the time I would love to say yes but I usually just say I am talking to someone, which means I just met them, got their number and they are blowing me off like all the women have ever done all my life. And yes, I am feeling very disgruntled about that lately. Pity? Eh, I don't know. What I do know is that it's the fact that every woman I've ever known never gave me a chance -- I was like damn, that really DID happen...****ed up…but oh well... Haha, I have learned not to ask for advise about women from my sisters. To be honest, they tell me that all women are "bitches" and gold diggers. That is so funny how women talk about themselves that way... women hate other women? I hear it a lot from other women, which I usually just ignore and pass for slight ignorance, but w.e... i'm tired.. not going to indulge philosophies right now... A resolution to be single? Don't know whether just giving up is the best option for me at this point because eventually I know I'll be back out there soon enough... Rant #2 -- what bitches?
Noob7_0 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I get the same questions or better yet advice for single older family members its kind of funny in a way. Christmas dinner I snapped on someone. One question is ok, but then going through the catalogue of females that they know making recommendations to me is not cool.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Yep, annoying as hell. I have just turned 31 and my grandmother calls me every few weeks to ask me if I have a boyfriend and when I am getting married and also to remind me that I don't have forever to have children At first I was patient with her, but she has been doing the same since I was 22 and a year ago I finally snapped and told her that if she asks me any of those questions one more time I will never talk to her again. Of course she did, and I have now not been taking her calls for the past year It's also kind of convinient that she lives on another continent. As for my mum, she is so desparate for me to find someone, ANYONE will do. If I so much as mention anyone male in a random conversation she will get all excited and think that he is a potential bf. If I go on a date and tell her that it went badly because the guy was commenting on other girls during the date and giving them ratings and also mentioned that his nose is "f7cked" because of too much cocaine, my mum would still tell me to give him a chance. Basically if a homeless 65 year old guy showed an interest in me, my mum would want me to be with him rather than be single. It depresses me to no end and I feel worthless if my own mother thinks so lowly of me. She would even encourage me to ask this married co-worker to lunch because he doesn't have kids yet and "people do divorce all the time". So nowdays I just do not talk to her about men at all. Random people also think that I am in some way defective because I have never been married and I am 31. I truly do not mind being single, I just wish other people would stop judging me and get off my back. I am also not prepared to go online dating route as I do not beleive in dating being a numbers game and this sort of logic kind of disgusts me.
muse08 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 One question is ok, but then going through the catalogue of females that they know making recommendations to me is not cool. Awww, that does kind of suck. It's good to realize that other people's ideals are not your own.
Johnny M Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So, I've made a new New Years resolution.....never to date again! It's completely overrated. I'm so sick of the questions from family and friends like so...Cora are you seeing anyone? Are you even dating? Then I'll say no and they give you that look and that pittiful oh.... My mother loves to throw in my face how she was married at nineteen and how in a couple of years I'll be thirty. What the hell is it about thirty anyway? I mean jeeze at thirty you are just starting to live right? I think all these perceptions from people who believe you "should" be married by a certain age, and "dating is the thing to do," is really what gives people like me such a negative outlook on it. I mean why does it have to be so much pressure? You frustration is understandable, but it ultimately stems from your lack of success in personal relationships, not from the pressure that is being put on you by family members. Don't fall into the easy trap of blaming others for your own shortcomings. To be honest, I don't really care for being single. Yeah, it hurts sometimes to see others in relationships and dating etc., but I want to learn to be completely happy on my own. Like I know I don't need someone else in my life to make me happy or make me feel complete or any of that crap, but it's what people say sometimes that make you feel so ****ty! Like there must be something wrong with you if you don't follow the crowd. What is so bad about being different? I just need to stop letting peoples comments get to me. It's just tough sometimes you know? Let's face it: if you truly didn't care about being single, you wouldn't be so bothered by your family's attitudes. Self-denial may bring you some short term comfort, but it's not healthy living this way in the long run. Rather than saying "f*ck all", which is the easy thing do, you need to identify and tackle the issues that are preventing you from having successful relationships with men.
Author Cora Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 SadandConfused...I understand completely! Everytime I go to visit my grandmother she always asks me if I have a boyfriend yet? When I say no she asks what am I waiting for? As if I can say I want a boyfriend and he will just magically drop from the sky.lol At our family Christmas Eve party, my aunt even asked me if I needed any help finding someone? That she could help me out! wtf? Johnny...I'm not blaming my shortcomings with relationships/dating on other people. I'm not saying that is why I have a lack of dates. I know it has a lot to do with me and how I act around men etc. It just frustrates me that they put all this pressure on you to find someone as if you're not even trying. No, I don't want to be single. I'd love more than anything to find someone....it just hasn't happened yet. And yeah, sometimes I do just feel like giving up. I'm not worried about age or whatever. I mean in my opinion I'm still young and have plenty of time. It just gets lonely sometimes. Then with all the comments from family/friends....just makes you want to stop trying.
Johnny M Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Johnny...I'm not blaming my shortcomings with relationships/dating on other people. I'm not saying that is why I have a lack of dates. I know it has a lot to do with me and how I act around men etc. It just frustrates me that they put all this pressure on you to find someone as if you're not even trying. No, I don't want to be single. I'd love more than anything to find someone....it just hasn't happened yet. And yeah, sometimes I do just feel like giving up. I'm not worried about age or whatever. I mean in my opinion I'm still young and have plenty of time. It just gets lonely sometimes. Then with all the comments from family/friends....just makes you want to stop trying. Well, in that case, you should have an honest chat with your parents and explain that while you understand their concern, you do not appreciate being harassed. If they keep pestering you, tell them that you have absolutely no interest in discussing your personal life with them and that all questions on that subject will be ignored from now on.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 i have read your rant cora and sympathize although i will not offer any solutions Smart man! Let me tell you how broken you are. Not so smart.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Don't worry ladies... 30 is the new 20 Also a smart man
mushmush Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I think my sister is in the same boat.. problem is she is 37 and is starting to get depressed about it. Oldies are pestering her about it and everytime she goes on a date she gets a million questions about it.. wants her to settle for someone she has no sexual attraction to etc etc. Concentrated on her career and is having trouble meeting anyone she clicks with or is attracted to.. Another year and she is talking about freezing her eggs... btw is 37 the new 27??
Author Cora Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Maybe the solution is to just become bitter. I mean who needs a man? I sure don't! In time, I'll be able to be happy being single. Being in a relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway and dating is no longer fun. What could be better than being single and free? I'm sure it's not fun having someone weighing you down.
carhill Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Bitterness leads to the adoption of cats Acceptance is a far better path, IMO. Hope it works out for you
Author Cora Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Bitterness leads to the adoption of cats Acceptance is a far better path, IMO. Hope it works out for you I do love cats! Have 5 already. At least I'd have some company. lol
carhill Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Sounds to me like you already do have some company. I wouldn't trade my snoring Siamese for the world Since you have five cats, this tells me you are a caretaking personality. If correct, that may be some of the root of your frustration. Dearth of focus for that care is upsetting. I recall similar feelings when your age. The bower bird under his arch impatiently pacing. Interesting how long ago seems like only yesterday and what's ahead seems more exciting than I ever could have imagined all those years ago. Your path will find you
boogieboy Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Well, in that case, you should have an honest chat with your parents and explain that while you understand their concern, you do not appreciate being harassed. If they keep pestering you, tell them that you have absolutely no interest in discussing your personal life with them and that all questions on that subject will be ignored from now on. WHAT?!? And actually defend herself to her family? Relieve the pressure with a defense? Thats unheard of.. She needs the approval of her family, she cant start a confrontation with them....what would they think of her? Cora next time they ask you why youre still single, have fun with it. Dont give them real answers...they will get discouraged after a while..this will liberate you and keep you from feeling pressured. "Cora are you seeing anyone? Are you even dating?" 1.) "Yes, Im seeing one of those guys from the penis puppeteers, hes coming here to perform for you guys today..." 2.) "Yes I joined a swingers club, im dating about 15 people at once, want a card?" 3.) "I will be dating again after I get surgery to make my face look like Hilary Clinton, guys are into her..."
justagoodoleboy Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 AMEN! I get the same grief from my family!
Johnny M Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Also a smart man So a 'smart man' is someone who gives you false hope? I can see why you're sad and confused.
SadandConfusedWA Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 So a 'smart man' is someone who gives you false hope? I can see why you're sad and confused. A smart man is someone who knows how to make girls feel better by concetrating on positives. No girl wants to be around a man that makes her feel like c@ap. No wonder YOU are single and bitter.
Johnny M Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 (edited) A smart man is someone who knows how to make girls feel better by concetrating on positives. No girl wants to be around a man that makes her feel like c@ap. No wonder YOU are single and bitter. Feeling good about a sh*tty situation is not going to do you any good. "30 is the new 20" is an asinine statement (sorry, pizza man) for a number of reasons. First of all, if you are 30 years old and still have the mentality of a 20 year old, you've got a problem... and a very serious one. Second, if at 30 you continue acting the way you were at 20, you will be in exactly the same situation when you're 40. Except you will be much older. Which positives will you be concentrating on then? Making people feel good about bad things in their life is counterproductive, especially if those bad things are a consequence of their own actions (or inaction). Sometimes people need 'tough love' to shake them out of their melancholy. Edited January 4, 2010 by Johnny M
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