Noob7_0 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I will try to keep this as short as possible for your reading sake but sadly I think I won’t be able to keep my promise. I would appreciate input on the situation. I think I know what the answer is but I was hoping to be reassured by a neutral party. So here is the deal... Met a girl online (strange I know) we were together for about 5 or 6 months. We got along great but there was a part of me that wasn’t quiet entirely happy which I attribute to as my passion for a few summer time sports that take up a lot of my time or I would like to devote a lot of my time too. She was always supportive of my endeavors but never really showed an interest in participating (now I realize that one cannot expect someone to pick up a new activity and devote their lives to it, but I guess I was at the kind hoping to find someone who would). This I found to be kind of a turn off and I sort of started to lose interest in the relationship, or rather I didn’t put as much effort into developing the relationship. One day after a 5 month period of poor communication the **** hit the fan and we broke up. That night I did a little venting to my support circle and made up my mind saying to myself that I was happy being out of the relationship and that this is inevitably what I wanted. The next day she called asking to finalize the discussions of the previous day as we didn’t quite finish the discussion. I was set to say my piece and move on, but after seeing her, my heart skipped a beat and I didn’t want to leave her. Made up, everything was fine and dandy and then the next day (3rd day after the initial "break up") I had this horrible feeling of guilt and that I had done something wrong. I saw her one more time it was so horribly awkward on both accounts. The following day (4th day after the initial "break up") I said that I couldn’t go and she told me that she felt the same. Haven’t spoken too or seen her since this is now 2 months later. I was upset over the whole ordeal but not destroyed as I have been in some other relationships. But now after seeing/talking to some other girls with nothing really going anywhere I am starting to miss my ex. I am now weighing the pros and cons of trying to get in touch with her and starting over, which of course depends upon the assumption that she is not with anyone and is willing. I see she still frequents the dating site and she scoped my profile a few weeks ago (being a sign of longing, curiosity, or perhaps a pure coincidental mistake I don’t know and I am trying to not put too much attention towards that particular item). My original plan was to not share my thoughts on the issue so as to receive an unbiased response but I am now thinking that I need to include my thoughts. Deep down I do miss this girl but I think that since I was not horribly broken up (which could also be a result of a few other past relationships where I got hurt and I have not started to harden up or at least try to protect myself from being hurt again, but that is a separate item which doesn’t need to be discussed) after the end of the relationship that perhaps subconsciously I did want to move on and the second thoughts that I am now experiencing are starting to develop as a result of missing the companionship in general. We talked everyday and normally exchanged a few emails throughout the day while each of us were at work (which I sorely miss). I do not fear the rejection I am more afraid of the possibility of leading her on and the whole situation repeating itself a few months further down the road... I guess that answers my question. Thoughts?
D-Lish Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I think it's a classic case of missing someone because there is nothing heating up with anyone else. I suspect that even if you did re-connect, you'd soon re-discover why you broke up the first time. You've already stated that you are afraid you would get back together, only to find out that she isn't right for you. That should be reason enough not to pursue her again. I don't think it's good to re-connect with someone when you still have lingering doubts.
Author Noob7_0 Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Agreed, thanks for the response [/end thread]
New_Life08 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 First of all you may be finding out what a relationship should be based on instead of an "ideal" you have created. You may go out and find a woman who enjoys all sorts of activities with you, only find the emotional connection is lacking which would present the opposite dilemma. It is probably unwise to put a lot of stock into leisure activities she does or does not enjoy herself; she is a different person. You can look the world over if you want to but you are not going to find anyone who meshes perfectly into your life. You need to be emotionally connected enough to appreciate her differences. I think she appreciated yours by showing support while you went off to do the things you enjoy. For the record...that sort of selfless quality is hard to find. I think it is healthy to have some common interests, don't get me wrong, couples do need to spend time together enjoying life. But, it is unreasonable to expect another person to jump into and enjoy your interests the same as you do. Also, it is not always a good idea to have a partner up your butt all of the time. So, my thoughts are.....not to cloud your heart with unreasonable expectations, accept her for the person she is, and realize that you do not have to share in all activities together to be fulfilled. If you cannot do that, then she is probably not the one for you.
lordWilhelm Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 You both decided to move on already, so that should be that. You're just being nostalgic right now.
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