DenverBachelor Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I've decided to focus a lot of the turmoil of emotions and loss into something productive and write a novel. The novel will be a cross between Alice in Wonderland, When Harry Met Sally and the Wizard of Oz. It will focus mainly on relationship, but it will cross in and out of bizarre worlds not unlike the one we find ourselves in after a breakup. So, what I'd like to get out of all of you is the following. You can answer as many as you want. 1) Out of all the advice you could give concerning relationships, which is the best piece of advice you could offer? 2) Same as #1, but concerning breakups. 3) What is the strangest thing you've ever experienced while in a relationship (i.e. he proposes on day #1 and walks out on day #2). 4) Do you believe the hotter the flame at the beginning, the more co-dependant and/or likely the relationship will fail? Thanks!
madrugada Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I think you've got a good idea. Writing is a great way to focus and try to make sense of emotional turmoil. I've even started working on my novel again, which I haven't done in a couple of years. Anyway to answer your questions: 1) It takes two to make a relationship work 2) but only one to make it fail. 3) The strangest thing ever to happen to me by far was just the simple fact of being dumped. When my fiancee left it was the first time I'd ever been dumped. Now I look at the world in a completely different way, like when a ship crosses the equator and, imperceptibly, the world is upside down. 4) This seems to be the case with me. My last relationship only lasted 18 months, but it was the most intense I've ever had, and the most difficult to let go of.
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 1. and 2. - acceptance 3. Wondering why I dumped a ton of stuff in the back of my truck to drive 500 miles to have sex in a tent with a crazy woman. 4. I've had it both ways. TBH, I think people are more important than flames. Compatible people. Good luck with the novel
hopesndreams Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 1---Communication, about anything and everything, especially if it's pertaining to the feelings of attraction for another. 2---If someone wants to breakup with you, do not fight to change their mind. Walk away with dignity.
nobmagnet Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 1. love but retain yourself 2. try but dont flog a gead horse 3. strangest thing ive done.................................put up with a crappy relationship for too long and not standing up for me and my kids. 4. i dont know to be fair. best of luck with the book. can you let us know when its published? i love the way you write xx
lostboyuk Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Hmmm, this could be a real interesting thread actually, good luck 1. Communication. 2. Do what YOU feel is right, regret will affect you long term if you don't, but you must think before you act. 3. The feeling of real love, when for no apparent reason, when you don't expect it it hits you like a steam train and you know what love is. 4. Don't know but it certainly seems that way for me!!!
bluestraps Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 Advice . Dont take the other person for granted. Dont leave anything unsaid .
mickleb Posted January 6, 2010 Posted January 6, 2010 You write very well, DB and the book sounds interesting (just don't go down the rabbit hole! ) And let us know how it goes. LS gives you access to a wealth of preciousness but I'm going to go with the following: 1. 'We accept the love we think we deserve' (that's Stephen Chbosky, I am told by one clever LSer who has it as their signature). 2. 'Read this book' (The Journey From Heartbreak To Connection by Susan Anderson) - courtesy of a poster on a different forum. Narrowing the content of that book down, to something easy to hold onto, I guess the sub-heading 'Why Do We Elevate Those Who Have Hurt Us?' really got me thinking. 3. A classic CP-style move of my ex suggesting (pretty clearly) I was 'the one', WHILST planning our first holiday together (a romantic trip to Belgium) THEN, suddenly, coming out with 'I can't do this. I am so ashamed of myself. I need to be able to look you in the eye. I need to work on myself. I can't be in a reationship with you. Oh, btw, will you still come on the holiday with me..?' 4. Me and he were pretty love-dovey, pretty quickly so now I think it's better to hold back and 'judge someone on their ACTIONS not their words' - thank you Carhill! - over a significant period of time. Not that that's always easy to do.. Good luck! x
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