Your Favourite Smile Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I think im going about cheering myself up in the wrong way.. because i know that it might hurt guys who are interested in me. Well, ive had a lot of trouble with getting over my ex. The only thing that cheers me up about it is knowing that im given freedom at the moment to push myself further in terms of education and being a better person in general. But i miss the idea of a guys interest..i miss the attention. So, knowing that i get something out of guys flirting with me, i will flirt back, get my fun, but eventually i know that i will have to say im not interested in anything more. Which is horrible really, considering that i just keep talking and flirting with them. But what made me most post this is a particular situation ive got myself into at the moment. Because it seems that one of my exs good friends has taken interest in me, and i stupidly exchanged numbers with him over IM. Im not interested in him to the extent of dating him- and besides, he is a friend of my ex and has an extremely bad reputation. Maybe thats what im attracted to, how wrong it is... But Im not sure what to do, carry on talking with guys like this so that I get my short term thrill (lol, that sounds a bit extreme) Or..stop it completely knowing its wrong. It helps me cope with feeling lonely and insecure, but I get the guilt feeling afterwards when i know that ive led them on. So.. is it really wrong?
DenverBachelor Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 It helps me cope with feeling lonely and insecure, but I get the guilt feeling afterwards when i know that ive led them on. So.. is it really wrong? You're getting what you need through validation from guys. You flirt with them, they flirt back, you go home and feel validated and your self-worth gets an ego boost. Believe me, if I flirt with a girl and she flirts back and then leaves without giving me a number, that's just 1 more attempt closer to success. Gone are the days of me judging my self-worth on how a woman responds to me because, frankly, if she isn't into me than she's having a bad day / not interesting / below me. It sounds pompous, but that's the attitude you have to take. Ironically, some of the best "players" I know are the one's that had the worst breakups after a long-term relationship. They just became completely jaded towards the opposite sex in the sense that they could no longer open their hearts to them. Yet everyone wants great sex, so lo' and behold a new player is born. In fact, I don't think I've ever met a player that I knew well that hadn't been crushed at some point. By never fully accepting the loss, they continue to have random encounters that really have no long-term meaning. People will forever do what they "think" makes them happy, and that isn't always parallel to what actually WILL make them happy. People will usually lead their life with their insecurities first since internally we respond to fear more so than most other emotions. The problem is that those insecurities generate many different internal fears and we'll often react daily from those fears without even realizing that our actions aren't so much produced by free-will but by hidden fears. That's why we'll often make mistakes and look back and say, "how could I have done that?" We didn't -- our insecurities did.
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