dzzz Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 did you assume your relationship with WS was good before Dday or were you aware that your relationship was in trouble before Dday?
2sunny Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 did you assume your relationship with WS was good before Dday or were you aware that your relationship was in trouble before Dday? most of our daily life was great and amazing right up to when i found the evidence. what tipped me off? his energy level changed, his attitude was "off" he seemed "distracted and distant." he snapped at me and blamed me for things that had nothing to do with me. he'd pick a fight when i hadn't done anything wrong so he could disappear. NOTHING seemed to make sense. so i went looking for what could be the source. in fact we had just had amazingly great sex that very morning - much like most mornings and/or evenings throughout our 20 year marriage. his narcissistic tendencies showed that a great life together still wasn't enough to keep him happy.
Blindsidedagainalive Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Prior to affair, I had absolutely no idea that anything was wrong, different. I felt our relationship was rock solid. Prior to D-day, I 'felt' something was off....so I set up a movie camera and she was bagged QUOTE=2sunny;2575610]most of our daily life was great and amazing right up to when i found the evidence. what tipped me off? his energy level changed, his attitude was "off" he seemed "distracted and distant." he snapped at me and blamed me for things that had nothing to do with me. he'd pick a fight when i hadn't done anything wrong so he could disappear. NOTHING seemed to make sense. so i went looking for what could be the source. in fact we had just had amazingly great sex that very morning - much like most mornings and/or evenings throughout our 20 year marriage. his narcissistic tendencies showed that a great life together still wasn't enough to keep him happy.
Darth Vader Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Prior to affair, I had absolutely no idea that anything was wrong, different. I felt our relationship was rock solid. Prior to D-day, I 'felt' something was off....so I set up a movie camera and she was bagged QUOTE=2sunny;2575610]most of our daily life was great and amazing right up to when i found the evidence. what tipped me off? his energy level changed, his attitude was "off" he seemed "distracted and distant." he snapped at me and blamed me for things that had nothing to do with me. he'd pick a fight when i hadn't done anything wrong so he could disappear. NOTHING seemed to make sense. so i went looking for what could be the source. in fact we had just had amazingly great sex that very morning - much like most mornings and/or evenings throughout our 20 year marriage. his narcissistic tendencies showed that a great life together still wasn't enough to keep him happy. You caught your wife (on video) screwing another man, in your own house/bed? Ewwwww! Why in the world would you stay with her after that? I gotta say Ewwww! That's insult to injury! She dumped on you, your house, even your marriage bed. I hope you trashed the bed, because if you didn't, well, I dunno how you can sleep there, knowing what took place and with whom! That's downright total humiliation, distain and disrepect for you, and to you. I couldn't stay with someone like that. Talk about triggers!
Blindsidedagainalive Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I caught her talking on the phone to OM. It waas a normal conversation, I thought it might be a friend. Then I asked her if she was on the phone...,she said no...then i knew.
seibert253 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 did you assume your relationship with WS was good before Dday or were you aware that your relationship was in trouble before Dday? Like most others my gut told me something was amiss, and, like most I chose to ignore it. I didn't want to believe what I knew was going on. My W was good at explainations and had one for everything. Prior to the A, she was truthful and honest. During the A, and right after Dday, just about everything out of her mouth was a lie.
tnttim Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I knew before it even happened. My gut told me that something was wrong between us, she grew distant. I messed up by becoming her lap dog after that, I thought it was the right thing to do. It only made it worse because now she could pursue A and have me at home waiting. I read "stop your divorce" and followed it to a T. Low and behold her little fantasy came crumbling down. I could tell she was reeling. So I turned it up a notch and kept going out and talking to different woman. Granted none of them even came close to my wife, but my attitude had changed. I went from needing my wife to only wanting her, and I can live without a want. The further away I went the closer she got to me, until she had to throw all her cards in, and she was bluffing. I've also read a bunch of books about woman, and how they think. Now I understand the species, and I'm confident this won't happen again. But if it does I know exactely what to do :-)
Gabriele Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 I was clueless. My H cheated 8 & 12 years prior to d-day........ I did not know when it happened and I NEVER would have thought my H was capable of what he did. I thought we had a fairytale marriage! Of coarse normal fights and struggles but never any real 'issues'
allhopelost Posted January 7, 2010 Posted January 7, 2010 Like most others my gut told me something was amiss, and, like most I chose to ignore it. I didn't want to believe what I knew was going on. My W was good at explainations and had one for everything. Prior to the A, she was truthful and honest. During the A, and right after Dday, just about everything out of her mouth was a lie. Ditto here - never saw it coming - was happily married. Once the gut feeling hit, it was less than twelve hours until until our glass house came crashing down...
Bobby2010 Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 No. I asked her every night if everything was okay because my gut feeling was torturing me day in and day out. She was so irritable and judgmental towards me, comparing me to the OM naturally.
crazycatlady Posted January 8, 2010 Posted January 8, 2010 I think I knew from the start and refused to believe my gut. So when faced with the evidence 9 months later it was a gut wrenching blow especially considering the circumstances. We still haven't had a "dday" he doesn't know I know - though I think he might know I know. Our marriage was going through a definate rough spot, he was going through a rough time, I was going through a rough time. The gut is powerful. Usually should trust the gut. CCL
Recommended Posts