eternal.denied84 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Hi Ex, In this new year I want to feel free and leave the baggage I have been carrying for past few months now.I want to grow up in my life and there’s one thing which is constantly pulling me back. I am sick of it and I really need your help to get me out of this. Like you know I have been struggling with trust issues on you, reasons you know already --your past history, your comments about past relationships, my brainwash, the way guys approaches you, your chat when I found you flirting with another guy, and there’s many more small things which has always made me doubt on you. Now all those definitely don’t give me a license to be indifferent/cold /disrespected to you. Like you have clarified many times you brokeup with me because you felt insulted/disrespected with me. I am actually being torn in two different directions. 1 At times I feel you are being true and I should truly respect your feelings ,take it in the way that there is no second chance with you and move on but I get disappointed & hurt when I see how much emotions, effort, energy, love, care and respect I have put into this relation.I get disappointed that I really really loved you but somehow the message which has passed to you is exactly opposite. This thing has been killing me like anything. 2.On the other hand at times some cruel thoughts also come to my mind. I feel that there’s something more than how I made you feel. That’s something more can be anything. Maybe you got bored of me. Maybe you only like honeymoon phase in the relationship and you are scared of long term relationships/commitment. Maybe there’s someone else involved. Maybe you are looking for better prospective and you think I am not good enough for you for any damn reason. Somehow I am just not able to accept the fact that its only how I made you feel is the reason for our breakup because I strongly feel that if that was the only reason..you could have definitely forgiven me considering everything else. I know you have given me enough inputs for closure..when you said..you never really loved me.relationships doesn’t matter to you,getting physical involved also don’t bother to you much and blah blah.I don’t know why the hell I am asking for closure one more time. May be because all those time we were in the midst of heated arguments and ppl really do not mean what they say when they are in burst of anger. All I want to know from you is for the sake of love, respect & humanity..please let me know the truth.Please be as honest as you can get in the life and let me know the real truth. Reply to this mail would definitely give me the closure I am expecting.i don’t see any reason for you to be mad on me now..just be honest. I can promise you that my respect for you would still remain the same and I will remember this token from you as a gift for the lifetime. Yours sincerely. ************************************************** *********************************** I am planning to send above mail to my ex after 45 days of NC.Actually NC was broken after 45 days because she contacted me couple of times earlier to ask me to remove her friends from my fb list which i have done now.when i talked to her after 45 days..again i couldn't control myself and i showed her my weak side. she was still adamant that i made her feel insulted/disrespected and thats the reason she doesnt want even a remote connection to me.reason she asked me to remove her frinds from fb. i also feel that it has been quite many months now(6-7) i have been dragging this relationship. out of which last 2 months were the one when i really implemented NC.I feel that i have to move on now and i feel that a reply for the above mail would give me closure to move on. suggestions/comments/experience on whether i should send this mail?
gaudi Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I think sending this e-mail would be the last thing you need to do. From the things you have said in it you have all the closure you need, and you're doing really well on your NC. i wrote an e-mail for my EX yesterday, (particularly bad day), but I didn't send it, saved it to my drafts, I may read/add to/amend it if I have another bad day. my suggestion is you do the same, best of luck
lostboyuk Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Agree completely, please don't send the email. I find that writing all my thoughts down helps greatly, it kind of feels that I'm speaking to her directly, explaining myself and telling her how hurt she has made me feel. But I know (and so do you) that if I said those things to her through a letter or face to face it would make things instantly worse. We have to remember (and I'm no expert but this is simple) that the moment you address/attack/question someones person, whether physically or mentally they instantly become defensive and the natural reaction is to fight back. I don't think you'll get closure, it's likely you would end up feeling worse whether you received a reply or not.
HLP234 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Its horrible when they leave you and give you no closure but that only shows what kind of person they are. You should not bother with them..your silence can tell them, maybe not instantly but after a while hopefully they will realize.
Author eternal.denied84 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 actually my case is somewhat like this..she gives me closure..she says i always made her feel insulted/disrespected..but i strongly feel thats not the only thing..she just wants to put all blame on me for ego boost or whatever..not to accept her fault. but i find it very cheap..if she has really gotten over me..she should say i don't love you the way i use to..instead of saying that. she says since i did horrible things she doesn't love me anymore. There’s one more very strong reason why I am asking this closure, at times I get filled with so much of hatred, anger, revenge against her that she is just playing with my emotions because any girl in this world can see how much feelings I have for her..she bluntly ignores that and again says the same thing that i made her feel disrespected..which tortures me..it makes me feel as if she is taking undue advantage of my emotions and enjoying this.
madrugada Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 gaudi and lostboyuk are dead on here. DON'T send the email. In no way will it give you the closure you are looking for. If anything, it will make things worse. I wrote a letter to my ex about a month ago and posted it on here to get some input. Most of the advice was the same. Why she left you doesn't matter. She's gone, and you'll probably never know the real reason. Do your best to forget about her and move on. The best thing you can do is stick with strict NC. And writing down your thoughts does help, as does posting on LS. Write all the emails your fingers can type. Express whatever anger and confusion you feel. I've got a folder full of messages that I've written. And I know that sending them will do absolutely no good. She's made up her mind. I have to live with that. Please, do yourself a favor and don't send this.
adamt Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 you wont get any closure, closure only comes by accepting it is over. you will be hoping for a response. you are blaming yourself for a break up and hoping she will give you another chance. her asking you to remove her friends from facebook is the closure. it is over. if you get a response then you will have more questions. wrting it all out is good therapy and help you clear your head, but put it away and look bck in 3 months time and you will see that you were glad you never sent it.
harmfulsweetz Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 People so often get the phrase closure wrong, it can never come from the other person. It must always come from you. Always. She can respond to as many emails as you like, offering reasons, justifications, excuses, etc, but until you accept that it is over, for whatever reason, to whoever's fault, you won't move on. Find peace with the decision, within yourself. Accept it's over, continue NC, and one day, you'll realize that you have truly moved forward and found closure. Writing that email, making assumptions as to why it's over is pointless. Sure, write away, blog, vent, keep a journal, save the email in drafts and add more if necessary, do not send it. One, she may well respond but do you think she'll give you answers that will appease you? That will be the light bulb switch and suddenly you have your closure? No. Because whatever she says, you will likely think there's more to it than that, or not believe her. Perhaps rightly so. It is what it is is what I live by.
adamt Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 two things will happen if you send her an email/letter 1) you get no response. you wait every day for weeks checking your emails and junkmails. you take it hard. you feel bitter because she never acknowledged it. you then wonder if she got it. so you start thinking about sending it again. 2) she responds to your email and questions. Her ego is boosted. It gives you false hope. you over analyse and read too much into her reply. you then want to send another email with more questions. You believe you can get her to change her mind as she cares about you.
HLP234 Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Thats why for the most part I write on here. I could care less what she says now..although I do feel like telling her how much she's hurt me, but I think by her removing me from her FB and all other ways of communicating with me..she is stopping herself from being guilty or sorry.
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