Does it change when women get to their 30's?

[Goodin]

There have been alot of "chicks dig jerks more than nice guys" threads as of recent. By the time women get in their 30's do they get some sense and look for a decent guy, with a job, that treats them well?

 

I want to hear from you ladies in your 30's-40's-etc.

 

The reason I ask is because I am recently back in the dating scene after about an 8 month break (got over my ex without a rebound;))...and I notice that a lot of girls in their 20's date jerks with no jobs and no ambitions in life. My very good lady friend who is a 29 year old lawyer admits that she goes for losers with no job. I am 31, fun, witty, have a great job, attractive, and a southern gentleman. Yet, I still get the blow off by girls who would rather date losers.

 

I've heard that your 20's is for making all the wrong decisions and you start to get it right in your 30's. I hope women by then start to appreciate a good guy.

[betamanlet]

There have been alot of "chicks dig jerks more than nice guys" threads as of recent. By the time women get in their 30's do they get some sense and look for a decent guy, with a job, that treats them well?

 

I want to hear from you ladies in your 30's-40's-etc.

 

The reason I ask is because I am recently back in the dating scene after about an 8 month break (got over my ex without a rebound;))...and I notice that a lot of girls in their 20's date jerks with no jobs and no ambitions in life. My very good lady friend who is a 29 year old lawyer admits that she goes for losers with no job. I am 31, fun, witty, have a great job, attractive, and a southern gentleman. Yet, I still get the blow off by girls who would rather date losers.

 

I've heard that your 20's is for making all the wrong decisions and you start to get it right in your 30's. I hope women by then start to appreciate a good guy.

 

Depends where you live.... Where I live, the single women in their 30s are just incredibly picky, and they never lower their standards. So the older a single woman is, the pickier she is, as least here. You're better off without them anyways.

 

What's going to increasingly happen, is that single mothers will settle for guys like you and me (if you take the risk) and will resent it every second, making your life hell, because they don't actually want you, they want the kind of guy who got them pregnant. Hence the even higher divorce rates involved withs ingle mothers getting married.

[CaspianDreams]

Based on my dating experience, women definitely seem to appreciate different things in their 30s than in their 20s, by that I mean a 23 year old appreciates different things than a 33 year old. They're generally more undertanding, won't put up with as much crap, and are generally more interested in who you are as opposed to the hot body. Don't get me wrong, the hot body still works like a charm, but you get more street cred for having the personality.

 

The ultra nice guy stick, however, doesn't really work much better. It still makes you too easy to "friend". In the end, people always want what they don't have. If you're the nice guy, it seems like you're too easy to get, meaning the person thinks that they should be able to do better, even if that's not true - it's the sad truth.

[LostInLA]

34 year old female here.

 

I think with time and experience, our standards and tastes sort of change and when you are 30+ you pretty much know yourself very well and hence know what you want out of a partner.

 

There were some things missing with my last relationship, and I'm definitely looking for what I didn't have. My ex was nice enough, but he was fake. I hope to meet a genuinely nice guy who is actually into me and who is a gentleman, etc. If I get a player vibe, a douche vibe or see any red flags, I'll kick him to the curb like no tomorrow because life is short, I'm not 20 something anymore and I'd rather not waste my time.

[sagetalk]

Everything I've read and observed has shown that they do indeed change in their 30's. Intelligent women who are single seem to phase bad boys out in their 30's. Established, good occupation, own a home, upstanding guys, will be in great shape in their 30's I think. You'll probably still try to date women in their 20's even when you're in your 30's though. So you'll still run into the same problems. Being a decent guy is not going to land you the hottest women, nor will it land you the most women. Stick with it though, because it will land you the right woman .

[pandagirl]

I'm 31 and by the time you hit your 30s, you have dated quite a bit and been in relationships. By now, you have a better idea of what makes a relationship work, so you are less focused on the superficial and more appreciative of good character and qualities.

[betamanlet]

Everything I've read and observed has shown that they do indeed change in their 30's. Intelligent women who are single seem to phase bad boys out in their 30's. Established, good occupation, own a home, upstanding guys, will be in great shape in their 30's I think. You'll probably still try to date women in their 20's even when you're in your 30's though. So you'll still run into the same problems. Being a decent guy is not going to land you the hottest women, nor will it land you the most women. Stick with it though, because it will land you the right woman .

 

 

Bravo...........

[CaspianDreams]

Definitely agree with his last point - stick to it, and the nice guy will almost always land the perfect woman...just bear in mind that the path isn't as fun as the lesser nice guy's.

 

Anyhow, when I was in my twenties, I would struggle to get to a 2-3-4th date with a woman, now it's rare when it ends at the or 1-2-3rd...yes, I'm probably better with the ladies than I use to be, but they're also willing to give you more of a shot, which is awesome, as the first date is generally a bit odd, or at least not perfect, to say the very least, given the nervousness, etc.

[betamanlet]

I'm 31 and by the time you hit your 30s, you have dated quite a bit and been in relationships. By now, you have a better idea of what makes a relationship work, so you are less focused on the superficial and more appreciative of good character and qualities.

what about betamales who have never been on a date in their 30s?

[Goodin]

Depends where you live.... Where I live, the single women in their 30s are just incredibly picky, and they never lower their standards. So the older a single woman is, the pickier she is, as least here. You're better off without them anyways.

 

What's going to increasingly happen, is that single mothers will settle for guys like you and me (if you take the risk) and will resent it every second, making your life hell, because they don't actually want you, they want the kind of guy who got them pregnant. Hence the even higher divorce rates involved withs ingle mothers getting married.

 

 

This is a depressing view on the situation. I'm sure that happens in a lot of cases if one makes the wrong decisions. Geez..did this happen to you?

[alphamale]

By the time women get in their 30's do they get some sense and look for a decent guy, with a job, that treats them well?

only if they are looking to get married and pro-create

[betamanlet]

only if they are looking to get married and pro-create

I know plenty of "nice guys" who had women settle for them (might be the area I live in, not just women in general) and they really resent they settled, treat him horribly, and feel no guilt, because they feel they are entitled to better. You're better off being alone than be ing with someone whot hinks they are entitled to better. That's all I'm saying.

[Goodin]

Everything I've read and observed has shown that they do indeed change in their 30's. Intelligent women who are single seem to phase bad boys out in their 30's. Established, good occupation, own a home, upstanding guys, will be in great shape in their 30's I think. You'll probably still try to date women in their 20's even when you're in your 30's though. So you'll still run into the same problems. Being a decent guy is not going to land you the hottest women, nor will it land you the most women. Stick with it though, because it will land you the right woman .

 

I'm liking all these promising posts. I fit that mold - im a working professional, own a home, and I even play music semi-professionally so I have that 'bad-boy' persona that women seem to dig. I don't usually date women in their 20's. I actually prefer and mostly date older women. My last two girlfriends were mid-30's. I just recently went out with a girl who is 26 and she was a total floosie. I'm sticking with mid-30's girls. I think that's the perfect age...for me anyway. They know what they want, know how to be friends and have fun, and are incredible in the sack in my experience. They are harder to find though it seems because alot of em are married off and raising youngin's at that age.

[Goodin]

only if they are looking to get married and pro-create

 

 

That's cool with me. I'm ready for that at this point in my life. I want a wife and a bunch of kids.

[CaspianDreams]

Those words are certainly true. Why a guy, though, would ever propose to some one who treats him like trash is beyond me, and for that matter, why would the woman accept? I know this happens a lot, but there should be red flags all over the place that are screaming NOOOOO!

 

My best experiences with the 30+ crowd are with very educated, generally successful women (i.e. JD, MD, MBA, PhD). These people frequently put their life on hold to finish their education and then gain traction in their career - so for their age, they're oftentimes dating novices, they like adventure (because they haven't necessarily had a lot), so they have the excitement side of the younger group, and the slightly more accepting side of the older woman. Hey, it works for me, although I doubt it's for every one. The thing to keep in mind with this crowd is that they will seek similar attributes in their partner (as they value the background - which is why they have done it themselves), so unless you have a similar background, it probably is not the best target group.

[alphamale]

The thing to keep in mind with this crowd is that they will seek similar attributes in their partner (as they value the background - which is why they have done it themselves), so unless you have a similar background, it probably is not the best target group.

so basically those chicks are gold-diggers?

[betamanlet]

Those words are certainly true. Why a guy, though, would ever propose to some one who treats him like trash is beyond me, and for that matter, why would the woman accept? I know this happens a lot, but there should be red flags all over the place that are screaming NOOOOO!

 

My best experiences with the 30+ crowd are with very educated, generally successful women (i.e. JD, MD, MBA, PhD). These people frequently put their life on hold to finish their education and then gain traction in their career - so for their age, they're oftentimes dating novices, they like adventure (because they haven't necessarily had a lot), so they have the excitement side of the younger group, and the slightly more accepting side of the older woman. Hey, it works for me, although I doubt it's for every one. The thing to keep in mind with this crowd is that they will seek similar attributes in their partner (as they value the background - which is why they have done it themselves), so unless you have a similar background, it probably is not the best target group.

 

They're guys who were nice guys their entire lives and it was teh first time women woudl ever give them the time of day, so it's all they knew.

 

People who put their lives on hold for careers are commitmentphobes. I went to law school, I know many female lawyers, and the ones who work at big firms are very open that they are commitmentphobic.

[PJKino]

Thats when the gold digging phase begins

[CaspianDreams]

I suppose you could view them as gold diggers, but given that they're basically looking for someone who's their equal, as opposed to necessarily seeking a major upgrade, it's hard to say they're the classic definition of a gold digger. For comparison purposes, would you think that a woman who makes $30K/year who's looking for a guy who makes $30K/year is a gold digger...this is the same situation, except replace the $30Ks with $200Ks. Basically, they're not looking for the cash, they're looking for some one who has similar values/success (i.e. education/career).

[cognac]

Personally OP, even if women in their 30's do change their minds (they probably do), do you really want the leavings and sloppy seconds of dozens of pot smoking, room temperature IQ man-babies that women go for?

 

A female once explained to me that yes, women do want the "bad boys" who are liek rellly hot when they're younger (under 30), but when they get older and want to settle down they go for the normal guys. But why should I want THEM at that point?

 

See, this is why women do this. If we men all got together and said we deserved better, and made these women pariahs when they got older like it used to be, this problem wouldn't exist in the first place.

 

I personally realized this with a woman I was interested in but was playing games. I looked at the type of "man" she had dated before me, and my stomach turned, making her not only unattractive in my eyes, but thoroughly repulsive. When you start to look at the kind of man women go for, being rejected by them becomes a badge of honor.

 

I have too much dignity to be seen in the street taking a woman out on a date, as the scumbags watch from a distance cracking jokes about the nasty things they did to her at a house party 5 years ago.

Edited January 3, 2010 by cognac

[CaspianDreams]

You're basically saying that the slighly older guy can have his way with the slighly older ladies like the bad-ass dude could when he was in his 20s...you're likely not discourage too many.

[betamanlet]

I suppose you could view them as gold diggers, but given that they're basically looking for someone who's their equal, as opposed to necessarily seeking a major upgrade, it's hard to say they're the classic definition of a gold digger. For comparison purposes, would you think that a woman who makes $30K/year who's looking for a guy who makes $30K/year is a gold digger...this is the same situation, except replace the $30Ks with $200Ks. Basically, they're not looking for the cash, they're looking for some one who has similar values/success (i.e. education/career).

Point is that women typically date at least same socioeconomic level, or higher. Very few women date/ marry down. Since women are more e ducated, and more and more men are uenmployed and make less money than women, women are finding fewer men to be equal or higher, so the marriage rates are dropping.

[alphamale]

Basically, they're not looking for the cash,

oh trust me they're lookin for the ca$h

[betamanlet]

Personally OP, even if women in their 30's do change their minds (they probably do), do you really want the leavings and sloppy seconds of dozens of pot smoking, room temperature IQ man-babies that women go for?

 

A female once explained to me that yes, women do want the "bad boys" who are liek rellly hot when they're younger (under 30), but when they get older and want to settle down they go for the normal guys. But why should I want THEM at that point?

 

See, this is why women do this. If we men all got together and said we deserved better, and made these women pariahs when they got older like it used to be, this problem wouldn't exist in the first place.

 

I personally realized this with a woman I was interested in but was playing games. I looked at the type of "man" she had dated before me, and my stomach turned, making her not only unattractive in my eyes, but thoroughly repulsive. When you start to look at the kind of man women go for, being rejected by them becomes a badge of honor.

 

I have too much dignity to be seen in the street taking a woman out on a date, as the scumbags watch from a distance cracking jokes about the nasty things they did to her at a house party 5 years ago.

 

 

So it's your choice, die a virgin or be with someone who has seen miles of genitalia.

[CaspianDreams]

That's definitely true...given my situation, though, it's not terrribly disappointed - I just get a lot of smart, wealthy women knocking on my door without much effort on my part. For instance, last week I had a woman take me out to dinner and Cirque-du-Soleil...the night cost a few hundred bucks, and I didn't spend a dime. Granted, that amount of cash wasn't really much more than a dime for her, but still.