curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Posted this on another thread, but really didn't mean to thread jack and feel it deserves it's own thread. So I knew that my ex was on a website (one that I think might be a singles site - called Tagged, anyone know it?) - but today on his FB profile - which I almost never look at - I saw the note below posted by a woman on Dec 27. `•.¸¸.☼¯`•..☆¨´`'*°☆. /▌ `•.¸☼ ♥ HAPPY NEW YEAR ♥ / \ (¸.•... much Health, Love and Success for all.... Love you friend and thanks for this beautiful year! ☻/ `•.¸¸.☼¯`•..☆¨´`'*°☆...☻/ `•.¸¸.☼¯`•..☆¨ So there it is confirmation - he cheated on me. OMG my heart ha been trampled and torn to pieces. The bizarre thing is that this is the first time since our last communication that I want to send him a note asking how he could do this. He knew that honesty was theTHE most important thing to me. OMG how can someone I love so much hurt me so deeply? How can he hate me so much? Yup I'm wrecked Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Curious (((Hugs))) It's not that he hates you. It's just that he's a useless, selfish piece of **** and you are way better off without him. Keep strong and just tell yourself he is someone else's problem now - thank goodness. You will find better Link to post Share on other sites
teanoranges Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Don't think that way! Try to stay positive with yourself! He's the one that ruined it! He's the one that lied! You can't be 100% that that message is what it meant, it kind of looks like a copy&paste thing meant for multiple people. But still, push it to the back of your mind! Even if it didn't mean he cheated, treat it in a sense like he did. reverse psychology I guess? He's at fault, and you deserve so much better! It doesn't matter now what he thinks. He doesn't even think. He doesn't even exist. He's a stranger who just so happens to be in your memory. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Facebook is the scourge of modern existence Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 He's at fault, and you deserve so much better! It doesn't matter now what he thinks. He doesn't even think. He doesn't even exist. He's a stranger who just so happens to be in your memory. He's stranger that I am very much in love with. I can't help that fact - it's just true. I've maintained NC in the hope that in time I will heal and get over him, but at the moment I am neither. Of course the little girl inside me keeps praying he'll come running back totally apologetic and willing to do his share. Of course that is clearly not going to happen, I just don't know how to turn that little bit of me off. I do however agree with you on one point, I deserve so much better. Unfortunately I'm not oging to get it from him, and he's who I want it from! OMG I'm an idiot! Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Facebook is the scourge of modern existence It is indeed. But I somehow knew something was up when he had blocked pictures of him, where he was tagged, on my profile from showing up in his profile. I know I need to just delete him as a friend, but I haven't been able to bring myself to that. Maybe today I'll find the strength, somehow I doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 IMO, take whatever actions are necessary to promote your own health. My stbx started on FB during our separation process and I never became interested in that site, but we both maintain our MS pages because of multiple common real life friends and the great shared experiences which occurred during our M. Eventually, when the D is final, we'll change our 'status' or hide it, but the emotional content is concluded. It (MS) doesn't 'bother' me, nor her, AFAIK. What's healthy for you is necessarily different. In any circumstance, it's how you react which defines you at that moment. You can control your reaction, regardless of emotion. You can process that emotion differently. For me, if I didn't want to deal with stbx's new social life, I just wouldn't participate in the sites where it is evident. Life goes on Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 What's healthy for you is necessarily different. In any circumstance, it's how you react which defines you at that moment. You can control your reaction, regardless of emotion. You can process that emotion differently. For me, if I didn't want to deal with stbx's new social life, I just wouldn't participate in the sites where it is evident. Life goes on You are very wise, and I need to just be very strong and stay away. OMG it just hurts more than I can express! Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 (edited) Wait...why does a woman posting a generic greeting to her friends mean he hates you? I'm confused by the jump in logic. That message was the kind of thing people post to everyone on their friends list! It's not like it said "thanks for the hot sex" or something! Seriously, though, WHYYYYYY are you still looking at his fb? I defriended and deleted all emails from my ex within an hour after he left, and haven't gone back. The last thing I want is to tear my heart up spying on his life when he doesn't want me in it. Edited January 3, 2010 by sedgwick Link to post Share on other sites
lostboyuk Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Curious, I agree with sedgwick, I have found you are one of the most calming people on LS and have helped me very much. That is the kind of multicontact greeting that many of us get during the NY and not worth worrying about. Hope you're ok, lostboy Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Why are you assuming that message meant he cheated on you? Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 I agree with sedg. That note is not conclusive. Whether he's cheated or not, I would delete him as a friend. The less he knows about your life, the better AND the less you see of his life, the better to continue moving forward with NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 There are two reasons I think he cheated - 1. she thanked him for a beautiful year 2. If she was innocent he would have told me all about her When I first saw her show up as a friend of his on FB I assumed it was someone from his past. The beautiful year thing makes her part of his recent past or current. Therefore I should either know about her, or he hid her from me. Sorry I didn't take that note as a generic greeting. Am I being over/super sensitive? Because to tell the truth all I want to do is respond to her post on his wall with a very simple "OH MY G-D." But of course NC has kept me from doing that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Wait...why does a woman posting a generic greeting to her friends mean he hates you? I'm confused by the jump in logic. That message was the kind of thing people post to everyone on their friends list! It's not like it said "thanks for the hot sex" or something! Seriously, though, WHYYYYYY are you still looking at his fb? I defriended and deleted all emails from my ex within an hour after he left, and haven't gone back. The last thing I want is to tear my heart up spying on his life when he doesn't want me in it. Sorry to confuse Sedg - he knows very well that lying is a very hateful horrible thing to me. I always told him that if he wanted to see someone else telling me would hurt me, but sneaking around would destroy me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Curious, I agree with sedgwick, I have found you are one of the most calming people on LS and have helped me very much. That is the kind of multicontact greeting that many of us get during the NY and not worth worrying about. Hope you're ok, lostboy Thanks lostboy - it's very funny I get very protective and defensive of others - but I allow myself to get abused and neglected. I guess I have to get through this pain and agony - just wish it was getting any easier. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 Curious (((Hugs))) It's not that he hates you. It's just that he's a useless, selfish piece of **** and you are way better off without him. Keep strong and just tell yourself he is someone else's problem now - thank goodness. You will find better Thanks Anne - but you gotta be in it to win it, and frankly I'm retired. I can't take this again. Reality is it stinks to be the one who loves the most. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 I agree with sedg. That note is not conclusive. Whether he's cheated or not, I would delete him as a friend. The less he knows about your life, the better AND the less you see of his life, the better to continue moving forward with NC. I haven't been able to break that last tie - just can't bring myself to do it. I have stopped communicating with our mutual friends, and HIS friends. I no longer post anything on my FB page and I've deleted all the pics of him from my page. I've also hidden his posts from my wall. The only thing I still have is access to his wall - which I hadn't looked at much - in fact the post that got me going today was from December 27th - so it's not like I'm stalking. But I'll try to bring myself to do it later. Link to post Share on other sites
singlegirl Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 I think it's a generic greetin too, definately doesn't seem like confirmation of cheating..... Girl, go delete him on your FB, do it now....Please don't hold on to that false hope that is lingering in your heart...You know you are hoping, we all know you are hoping because we are here lamenting our fate, we all feel similar emotions or are working through them...he your ex is out in the real world having photos taken ????? Go do it now, delete him from your friends list and go NC, you need to feel the pain so that the healing can begin.... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 You're not really in NC if you have access to any part of his life, including his FB page... You can't heal unless you're in COMPLETE NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 You're not really in NC if you have access to any part of his life, including his FB page... You can't heal unless you're in COMPLETE NC. You are probably right. OK I just deleted him. That was probably the most painful thing I've done since I told him I couldn't take him hurting me anymore. sorta like cutting him out - OMG I am so pathetic! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 You are probably right. OK I just deleted him. That was probably the most painful thing I've done since I told him I couldn't take him hurting me anymore. sorta like cutting him out - OMG I am so pathetic! GOOD for YOU!! You are NOT pathetic! It only gets easier from here!!! ((((HUG))) Link to post Share on other sites
singlegirl Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Well done, must have been so hard....it's not going to be easy but at least you have made it less hard on yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousnycgirl Posted January 3, 2010 Author Share Posted January 3, 2010 GOOD for YOU!! You are NOT pathetic! It only gets easier from here!!! ((((HUG))) Well done, must have been so hard....it's not going to be easy but at least you have made it less hard on yourself So you guys say - I'm praying for a miracle because I'm not a light switch - you cannot turn me on and off. I'm very much in love with this man and having him disappear from my life simply sux. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 So you guys say - I'm praying for a miracle because I'm not a light switch - you cannot turn me on and off. I'm very much in love with this man and having him disappear from my life simply sux. Love is never like a light switch, it's more like a dimmer. Right now, you're fully "turned on" (so to speak)...with time, it'll dim to the point of complete darkness. Trust us. And remember your very own words to him in that note, Curious. He has the potential to be what you want him to be, but the fact is, he IS NOT who you want him to be. You're in love with who you want him to be, not who he IS. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 3, 2010 Share Posted January 3, 2010 Facebook is the scourge of modern existence Agreed. The slightest action on their can cause any number of emotional responses, most of them not good. You are probably right. OK I just deleted him. That was probably the most painful thing I've done since I told him I couldn't take him hurting me anymore. sorta like cutting him out - OMG I am so pathetic! Well done, you won't regret it. You aren't pathetic, you're in pain and it's valid. I'm sorry you're hurting but it will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
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