ny2013 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Hello, I recently (well, just over a year ago) moved down to a big city-London-after living my life in smaller towns up North. I had this idea that living in such a huge place would make it easier to meet people but it seems to be the exact opposite! I also used to have a BIG problem with shyness when I was younger. I found it almost impossible to talk to people who I was not already friends with. With guys it was even worse-I couldn't even buy something from a shop if there was a guy on the checkout! Luckily, after pretty much forcing myself to, I have overcome this considerably in this last year and have much more confidence now. I moved down to London by myself, started a new career path-I am studying for a PhD, and can happily converse with people. I would like 2010 to be another year of personal growth so want to expand my social circle, which is pretty much confined to workmates and uni mates. That comes back to my first point. How do people meet people in big cities?? Especially single guys. Although I work in central London I sadly live in the kind of place where I wouldn't even want to sit next to the guys I meet on the bus, never mind date them! The kind of tracksuit wearing, shouting obscenities, spitting in the streets kind of guys... I also don't really have much money now so can't do the standard suggestions of take an evening class/join a gym/get a dog/hang out in coffee shops etc It seems a shame that now I feel comfortable with people, there's no people to try the new me out on! Anyone else from a big city found (cheap) ways of meeting new people??
paddington bear Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 London is notoriously hard to make good friends in. I lived there on and off for a while, but luckily had relatives there and so just kind of added their friends as mine. While there and working I thought if it wasn't for those people that I would be totally alone. The other problem in London I find is the long distances people live from one another, by the time you get home from work or whatever the thought of leaving the house to trek half way across the city is off-putting. From what I've seen, people tend to socialise within their little areas. Anyway, here's some suggestions: When you've settled in more and made some more friends in university etc (which will happen) consider moving somewhere nearer to your friends. Invite people round to your place for drinks and get them to bring others with them. Join facebook - I'm in a big city too and I've added lots of clubs and events, so I see what things are on and can see what friends are going and then join them or not. If you want to meet guys, I've found it's sometimes better not to just solely focus on meeting the men, make more female friends = good friendships, but also invitations to parties where you meet guys, brothers of said female friends etc. and if you don't meet a man through them well at least you have a good support network. Set up a weekly event. Friend of a friend every Sunday rents out a few films, everyone knows that always from 2pm on a sunday until whenever that this guy will have his movie day at his place, and people wander in and out to watch the films with him - you could I'm sure do something like this at university and have it open to everyone. Depending on what your PHD is on, find out events that would relate to it, lectures, readings, talks whatever that would be free around the city and attend on your own - these things are great because you can legitimately go on your own for 'research' purposes and I've found guys are intimidated by a group of girls. I tend to get chatted up more often if I'm somewhere on my own.
Author ny2013 Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Thanks for the advice. Sadly, I only really know about 5 people down here who I would count as friends and some of them have only just moved here as well so 'friends of friends' doesn't really work as some of them don't know many people either. I do go to places like museums/parks etc on my own but no-one has ever spoken to me, and I'm still to shy to go up to a complete stranger. And you are right about the location thing. I don't live near any of my friends.
paddington bear Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I know, it's tough and I think as well certain cities have atmospheres. Where I am now, despite being large has a village atmosphere and I'm amazed at how easy it is to pick up new friends along the way, whereas London is well, just difficult. I remember looking up flatshares in London and seeing so many ads saying something like 'we are just looking for someone to rent the room, we are not looking for another friend, we have enough friends' and being a bit shocked by the lack of openness to welcome what could be a nice addition of a person into your life. have a look at this. I guess it's the equilvalent of internet dating but for friends and worth a shot: http://london.citysocialising.com/
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