sparkle Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Hi all - First of all, a happy new year to all! I joined this forum in 2000, so I'm hoping that even now, after 10 years, i could come back here and get some advice to help start the new year off right... My job keeps me traveling quite a bit - About a year ago, I met a well-known athlete and we immediately started dating. Everytime we went out in public, people would come up to him - I started to feel a bit insecure and self-conscious. With the amount of money and attention he received, I assumed that he was just as good of a player both on and off the field - and that we would last a couple fun dates, so I convinced myself not to take it serious. To my surprise we ended up dating for 6 months - until my job transferred me to a different country, and we've been dating long-distance since. Strangely enough, he also felt insecure about me from the beginning (he heard some stories from my dating past, and there was a misunderstanding which made him think that I had slept with another guy when we first started dating. Maybe my career and lifestyle was also different from the girls he is used to meeting (I'm a pretty independent woman with a decent job, and I didn't let him foot the bill all the time). And I'm 30 while he's 28 - not much, but he is younger. Almost a year now, and the small differences/problems are starting to get bigger - i'm completely head over heels for him - he's a really nice guy, except that he never talks about his feelings, other than "he likes me and adores me", he's never told me he loves me. He doesn't talk about what he wants out of this relationship or where its heading or about marriage or anything like that. Now that our relationship has turned into an LDR, we talk for approx 1 hour every other day. And every once in a while, he'll go off and disappear for 10 days to his parents' farm without so much as a phone call or email during this time. For example, he went to his parents farm the day before xmas and we haven't been in contact since - no xmas or new years wishes from him. I'm not used to this lack of communication in the past with other guys, and i'm wondering if this is a big red flag that he's not interested in this relationship. Or maybe its because he's used to girls chasing after him, he didn't really ever feel the need to "try". (I'm tempted to just ignore him for a couple weeks as well once he reaches back home from his trip and contacts me again....) I'm hoping he's not cheating on me but its hard to tell when I'm living in a different country, and when i'm too in love with him to think clearly. The only other thing I can think of is that he's been playing since he was a kid and ended up living away from his family and friends a lot - he mentioned that he's used to always being on his own and living alone - i wonder if that could have something to do with his distant behavior. I'd appreciate your thoughts...
oasis Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Sounds as if he has a family, which could explain the lack of contact around the holidays. Men who are truly into you, do not ignore you for 10 days. Wiseup!
D-Lish Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I think all the signs are there that he simply isn't committed. A man in love with a woman doesn't disappear over the holidays without so much as a word. He has a phone and he chose not to use it - that's a huge red flag.
sagetalk Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 I just don't know enough about him to comment much here. I don't see any red flags though. He could just be trying to clear his mind. It seems he's not 100% sure about you which is understandable. If he is a pro athlete, then he has a world of options available to him. I think some girls think that guys that move really fast are really into them. Many times it's because the guy knows he can't do any better and he wants to hurry up and get it moving along before you find someone else. If you find out he's seeing other women, drop him. If he isn't, I'd give him a chance.
Author sparkle Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 The ironic thing is that I've dated a lot of guys, and many jerks with major issues, yet he's the nicest guy i've dated (other than his lack of communication), thus, more difficult to walk away from. For a guy with many options, he sure hasn't seemed to be utilizing them. When he would win games - rather than celebrating with the guys, he would meet me afterwards and spend the evening with me. When we were in the same country, he would drive 1.5 hours every week to meet me. I haven't met his parents, but he introduced me to his brother and some relatives. He got injured recently and he keeps telling me that he's just focusing on his recovery and his contract right now, not cheating on me. When i tried to tell him that he could always look for a different job if he couldn't play anymore, he told me that this was his career, not just a sport. As some of you mentioned, I agree that it may be his lack of commitment - and that he's just not that into me.
Author sparkle Posted January 8, 2010 Author Posted January 8, 2010 Perhaps it was just new year jitters on my part. He called me as soon as he reached the airport. After seeing numerous photos from his farm trip, its difficult not to believe him... I guess the only time he really disappears is when he goes with his parents to their farm. Apparently some farmlands in remote parts of Brazil have quite dodgy, if any, cellphone reception - who woulda thought?
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