watwut1 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Hey everyone, I've got a problem that I really need some advice for. In short, I need to figure out if it would be a wise and good decision to leave the girl I've been dating 2 years or not. So here's my situation. Me and the girl I'm dating have been getting into fights almost every day for the past year (we've been dating for two) and it has gotten particularly bad this last month or two. She has some depression issues and I am a naturally happy person, and accordingly, it is mostly her who has most of the issues and starts the fights. She has also been pushing me along in this relationship much faster than I'd like, and is trying to force me to move in with her and essentially become engaged. We are only halfway through college and I just don't feel ready for all that yet. Throughout most of our relationship, it feels like she has had this ideal image of the kind of person she wants me to be. She has been trying to stop me from doing things that I've liked to do and that interest me. Things which have been a part of who I am. Consequently, this (and her neediness) has somewhat disconnected me from some of my friends of which I can relate to. It feels like she doesn't love me for who I am, and instead wants to change me to be someone she wants me to be. There is a ton of other things that she has been doing which has been frustrating me, anything from nagging, to getting mad at me for pointless trivial things, snooping through my emails (even though I have nothing to hide), and being disrespectful to me in general. Honestly, I can't say I'm the perfect boyfriend either, I have my flaws, but I do not do all these things and act the way she does. Lately I have been swamped with stress and frustration from all of this, and over the last few months I have been increasingly feeling that this all isn't right and that I need to leave her. She seems to be making me more unhappy than happy now, and this relationship is starting to not feel right anymore. I feel trapped and not very free either. The strange thing is, every once in a while, especially after fights, she will actually say to me that I don't really make her happy anymore and that she 'doesn't know why she's still keeping me around'. I can see that I don't make her very happy anymore, and I know that a large part of it is because I am not being the kind of person she wants me to be and that I can't give her everything she wants from me (especially 'growing up' faster than normal , moving out, getting extra serious, etc.). So, is my inner feeling right that this relationship has become unhealthy and unhappy for the both of us and that we need to split? Or am I not giving her enough? Or do we just need to sort things out? What do I do? I know that we should probably break up, and I have a feeling that she has felt the same way (at times), but she seems to be more obsessive about the relationship. How do I go about leaving her when it still feels at times like there's still love holding us together? Is that enough, or is it not worth it? Is this kind of girl worth staying for? Hopefully I've provided enough details to help. Please let me know if I should add anything or if it is clear enough. I really hope some of you here can help me with my problem, I really need it! Help!
LostInLA Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Relationships aren't always easy and couples do fight. Might I suggest couples counseling, individual therapy and if she is having issues with depression, the following book which helped me immensely (even though I didn't finish it yet!): http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1262514455&sr=8-1 I know hearing about counseling is a huge turn off, so one thing I will say is definitely shop around for a good therapist and find a good fit. Of course going to counseling is a personal decision.
Recommended Posts