Limbo21 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 (edited) It's been 23 days nc today, prior to that she pleaded with me for another shot at us' & then pushed me away when I came back to her. We split early sept. so nc has been going on for months even though a little fractured. She hand posted a card through my door very early on new years day. A miss you card with a happy new year message & a few kisses. I saw her yesterday. My brother & I walked into town to get his shoes resoled, had to come back a few hours later. To pass the time we had a few beers and headed back. To collect them of all the times & places to bump into her it was then. Nearly 1 mnth of nc. She saw me, I turned & almost ran away. She aparently came out of the cobblers to say hello but I was gone. She looked stunning as always, and my brother stunk of booze which she would have smelt on him (always a bone of contention that my life would never amount to something any good) I feel so messed up right now. I feel so jealous she isn't in any pain or discomfort. Since we have spilt she has got her dream job (which I helped) brand new car, new friends, new puppy, new appreciation of her surroundings & now earns (in wages & single mum benefits) double what I do? My love & loss just seems to get more intense. My choices in life have been poor & Im struggling to cope when I think about how enriched & filfilled my life was with her. She taught me so much, to live life, socialize & to explore. Now I'm left with an empty life, working all hours just to keep a roof over my head. It's like that film 'sliding doors' (haven't seen it but understand the concept) ... If I'd not screwed up the relationship (and she helped in it's demise) I would be the man i now look back on as the man I've always wanted to be .. My love & respect for her made me ... Now that's gone, replaced with emptiness & regrets I think I need some more professional help. Can't seem to shake this depression. How can somone come out of a relationship so damaged & the other bounce back like it never really happened? Edited January 3, 2010 by Limbo21 Bloody iPhone
singlegirl Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 We can never know what goes on in other people's minds...I am wondering why she pushed you out when you went back to her? I also understand the feeling of wanting thm to be as unhappy as we are...I too work night and day, literally ....to just keep a roof over my head...i have no social life, few friends, aquaintences really and social anxiety...I look at the first 8 weeks of sheer joy I had with the man I was seeing and want to see him suffer for taking that away from me....it's anger, it's healthy...... If you feel that your depression is not coming under control then go get some help....well done for going NC, you are surely stronger than you think....
GrayClouds Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Limbo you gave a great deal of yourself to the relationship, and the those who give the most ends up feeling the most after it is over. Then add the stress of the financial effect the spit has caused you, it is no wonder you feel beat. But your not, and yes you should think about talking to a professional, at this point your under so much stress your chemistry is all messed up your body is working against you. Stress like that can wipe out the all of your dopamine and serotonin. It make it like running up hill while carrying barbells. Counseling, and if needed meds, can help you put down the barbells. Still an up hill run but it can get easier. Other thing is stay away from the booze. I tell you even a couple of drinks right now gives me 3 days of regression. Every time I think it will not be the case I will have a couple on a Friday and find myself almost blubbering in the aisle of the supermarket on Saturday because of some tearjerker is playing on the PA with words I can not even decipher. Not a pretty sight. Booze only depletes the helpful chemistry even further. Finally, try to be kind to yourself. Your human and like the rest of us we are all here doing the best we can with the assets he have. That mean successes comes in many different flavors and at different times in each of our lives. It makes comparison useless so keep focus on the person that matters you. Like my first grade teacher said, "keep your eyes on your own paper and you will do just find." It is time to take all of the deep affection and giving heart you have and use it on yourself as if you would a lover.
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