bananaboat11 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 what if the reverse is true? like maybe ignoring your ex pushes them away, in my situation, after the break up, there was like 3 or 4 days of NC, she said she wanted to be friends, tried it the next day, felt too weird, so i kept begging, and then i just stopped talking to her, (by the way, the whole break up, everything after, is all via facebook chat, she would talk to me on chat, but not on the phone because she didn't want me to hear the regret in her voice) i did it cause i thought itd make her miss me, but right before she started dating 'dreads' she told me that not talking to her made her think that i had moved on, motivating her even more to move on. that was then... this is now. If truly... deep in your heart you feel like chasing her and don't want to let her get away, then do it. I assure you... you won't be forgotten. Ask any sane women on these boards... you may even be missed more than you know.
Author letitrock40 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 thanks man, actually i'm going to start a thread just to see what women prefer when breaking up with a man, as intelligent as we are, there's no getting inside of the head of a woman :-b
bananaboat11 Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 thanks man, actually i'm going to start a thread just to see what women prefer when breaking up with a man, as intelligent as we are, there's no getting inside of the head of a woman :-b lol too true! g-d bless you man. I wish you nothing but the best & luck. I hope she falls head over heels for you in love and NEVER hurts you again =) And I hope only happiness for you both =) And for you... the best regardless of what happens!
coast_to_coast Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 letitrock - your story struck a chord with me because I feel like your girl friend in my situation. My boyfriend was my first everything - and i was his. He is warm, intelligent, handsome, and stable. I'm in the process of breaking up with him. I know - WHY? To be perfectly honest, I am complicating things. Perhaps because I am a girl. I am not as comfortable just letting things happen and seeing how everything unfolds as he is. I am a bit of a compulsive planner, and now I must face the fact that we are going to be long distance for five years and no amount of planning will change that. I am suffering from extreme insecurity about the future, and I have come to the conclusion that before I commit to 5 really difficult years in a long distance relationship with him, that I KNOW, for certain, that he is the one for me. Like I said, he is my first everything, and I have met someone who is not quite his opposite but different enough. I can only assume that what is going on with me might have happened to your gf as well. Making sure she knows what she wants in life. It is selfish, but would you want her to ignore her doubts and curiosity to the point that she resents you/leaves you without even wanting to be a part of your life anymore? I don't want you to wait for her to figure her life out, but if the timing is right, and the passion and love have existed before, who is to say they can't exist again with you two?
Author letitrock40 Posted January 5, 2010 Author Posted January 5, 2010 letitrock - your story struck a chord with me because I feel like your girl friend in my situation. My boyfriend was my first everything - and i was his. He is warm, intelligent, handsome, and stable. I'm in the process of breaking up with him. I know - WHY? To be perfectly honest, I am complicating things. Perhaps because I am a girl. I am not as comfortable just letting things happen and seeing how everything unfolds as he is. I am a bit of a compulsive planner, and now I must face the fact that we are going to be long distance for five years and no amount of planning will change that. I am suffering from extreme insecurity about the future, and I have come to the conclusion that before I commit to 5 really difficult years in a long distance relationship with him, that I KNOW, for certain, that he is the one for me. Like I said, he is my first everything, and I have met someone who is not quite his opposite but different enough. I can only assume that what is going on with me might have happened to your gf as well. Making sure she knows what she wants in life. It is selfish, but would you want her to ignore her doubts and curiosity to the point that she resents you/leaves you without even wanting to be a part of your life anymore? I don't want you to wait for her to figure her life out, but if the timing is right, and the passion and love have existed before, who is to say they can't exist again with you two? yeah i think we have very similar stories, and i understand, you want to make sure you're right for the long haul, but at the same time, are you happy in your current relationship? like for example, the biggest problem me and my ex had in our relationship was that "we didn't do new stuff together" i guess she didn't like the dates that we went on, i tried to take her out both fridy and saturday nights this past summer, but yeah that was an issue for her :-// do you have issues with your relationship, or are you only getting out cause you want to explore?
coast_to_coast Posted January 5, 2010 Posted January 5, 2010 do you have issues with your relationship, or are you only getting out cause you want to explore? One issue, which may or may not sound familiar to you: He loved/needed me too unconditionally. I know, people could give me a lot of crap about that, and sometimes I wonder if I am being critical just for the sake of being critical, but I really feel like he needs to be a little bit stronger for me. Basically, I went on a break with him a few months into the long distance. It was meant to be a break-up, I was in a really low place, seeking therapy, etc. and I didn't want to drag him through it. However, when we had the break-up conversation he freaked and made some passive comments about not wanting to live anymore. Let me tell you, he has always put me on a pedestal that I don't deserve and, at times I have done the same to him as well, praising him and whatnot. But when he made a comment about his life, it became clear to me that he couldn't even get mad at me when I was doing a sort of b*tchy thing to him (trying to deal with my problems on my own instead of including him). Again, not a real problem, but I guess I would need to make sure he never puts that kind of pressure on me again if we do end up back together by making me feel like his life is in my hands. That's actually kind of a big problem when I reflect upon it. Anyway, day-to-day, everything was perfect. Never fought, always went out with each other. I really liked that about us. We always made sure to have fun whether alone or with other people. Once people get too lazy, it is easy to chalk it up to "not feeling the same" anymore. That is not always the case. Sometimes, you just need to get off the couch and out of bed, or bring something more exciting to bed . Any oh yeah, it takes two people to stop doing new things together. It was not your responsibility to make it more exciting or varied again, that needs to be a joint effort and if she wasn't trying well maybe that tells you something there...
Author letitrock40 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 her mother is an immigrant from south america, and her whole culture is, "its the mans responsibility to do this this and this" that got really annoying, i did question her after why she didnt take it upon herself to set up new things and she said it was the mans responsibility...bs, but i can understand ur situation, u guys have issues but not ones that would make you not want to be with him again. i think thats where we were too, idk how itll turn out so tempted to break nc since 2morrow would have been our 3 year anniv.
Author letitrock40 Posted January 6, 2010 Author Posted January 6, 2010 fml she told me she didn't hate me and that she still cared about me but in a different way that was the worst thing ever, i've been puking, idk what to do with myself
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