threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 You'll have to refer to the list in this link, yes, the one we all put together for the perfect man! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2574525&postcount=93 Sometimes it's difficult to articulate your wants and needs, without a starting point. Sure, our list wasn't serious but for many points, there's probably a grain of truth for some or most women. And for certain, not every woman wants the identical traits in their men, so of course, it's subjective. So now, it's time to build the man you want, from our list of wants and needs. Feel free to amend some of the over-the-top verbiage, add, subtract, any and all points. But do yourself a favour and break this down into a list of wants and a separate list of needs. Needs are "must haves" and wants are "nice to haves". I just thought this would be a fun exercise for members but might be helpful for people who don't know what they want or more importantly what they need. When you figure these two out, it will also help you with your personal boundaries, from the perspective of what you're willing to put up with. If you want me to start, I can do so. Or not, your choice.
shadowplay Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 (edited) Needs: He's kick-arse intelligentHe has integrity and he's principledHe's crazy about meHe doesn't have a chip on his shoulderMust never have cheated or slept with an outrageous number of womenHe has a good heartHe is reliable and consistent (not flaky!)Passionate about his careerVerbally expressive of his emotions (within reason)Supportive both emotionally and practically, a man who can give as well as receiveGoal-oriented, ambitious, capable of getting things doneHandsome to meReflective, observant, has depthReasonably well-cultured Wants: He has thick, defined eyebrows and beautifully intense eyesGood taste in cultural things. We generally agreeHe comes from a good family that he's close toHe shouldn't expect me to be perfect, and shouldn't be perfect himselfLiterate and well-educatedHe has a sharp, dry witHe is tall and trimHis face is very handsome, but not so ridiculously perfect that he gets oodles of female attentionGood at something creative (particularly art or music related)You're the only woman he has and will ever be fully in love with, because you're perfect for each otherIs nice to kids and makes your heart melt when he cuddles them or plays games with themHas a deep, sexy voice and big, strong handsDespite whatever job he actually does, he is also good at fixing and building thingsMultifacetedAn excellent conversationalistFinancially self-sufficientGood with peopleFiscally responsibleNot superficial Edited January 3, 2010 by shadowplay
Author threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Okay shadow, now match up your needs to your man. Does he meet all your needs? Does he meet some of your wants? Things to consider.
shadowplay Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Okay shadow, now match up your needs to your man. Does he meet all your needs? Does he meet some of your wants? Things to consider. Yeah, he actually meets all of my needs, except he's too young to have a career. But he's very goal-oriented. He meets some of my wants as well.
Author threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Yeah, he actually meets all of my needs, although he's too young to have a career. But he's very goal-oriented. He meets some of my wants as well.That's good news. Now you've got a starting point template, for the future. You can continue adding to both wants and needs, as you experience life. This template can be applied to existing long-term relationships, if the dynamics change as time clocks off.
Hot Carl Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 What a great tool you've provided everyone. What would they all do without you? It's great that you aren't condescending to the younger posters.
Author threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 post yours!Okay, it will take a minute.
Author threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 (edited) Needs:He must be intelligent and willing/capable of discussing a broad range of topics.Has integrity and honour, in a HUGE way. In essence, lives by a code of honour.Treats me with respect, courtesy and trust.Protective and, territorial to the extent that he lets people know you're his.Has excellent communication skills and the ability to de-escalate and resolve issues.He doesn't have a man-chip on his shoulders.Seriously, he shouldn't expect me to be perfect, and shouldn't be perfect himself. I don't want a Ken doll, I like some quirks.He comes from a good family, one full of love, trust and respect.He has a dry wit.Must never have cheated, been an OM, slept with an outrageous number of women, no ONSes or FWBs.He knows you're his equal in every way and are completely capable of providing for yourself, but he still loves pampering you like a princess, just as you love treating him like your prince.You're the only woman he's in love with and interested in.Is nice to kids and makes your heart melt when he cuddles them or plays games with them and also gets along well with his and my family.He is solid, reliable, keeps his promises and isn't flaky (inconsistent).Verbally expressive of his emotions, within reason.Faithful while in the relationship.Assertive, capable of getting things done.Supportive both emotionally and practically, there for me.Financially self-sufficient and fiscally responsible.A man who can give, as well as receive. In essence, a reasonably unselfish man.Able to compromise.Comfortable, confident and enjoys social situations especially with friends and family.Believes in living a healthy lifestyle by eating right and exercising.Attractive.Passionate about career.Wants:He must know his car-flesh and drive a better performance car than mine!Good with his handsA classic dresser, who wears his clothing with confidence.Has a deep, sexy voice and big, strong hands.Tall, strong, can handle me as though I'm a feather.Doesn't get complacent in the bedroom. Edited January 3, 2010 by threebyfate
temple Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Needs: 1. He's intelligent without pretensions 2. He has integrity 3. He is an excellent conversationalist 4. He is very handsome. 5. He is compassionate. 6. You're the only woman he has and will ever be fully in love with, because you're perfect for each other. 7. He is reliable, faithful and keeps his promises. 8. He is expressive of his emotions. 9. Fun to be around 10. Passionate, true to his ideals, principled. Wants: 1. He is independent and doesn't second-guess himself 2. He has an amazingly sharp, dry wit. 3. He doesn't dominate the conversation, but when he does open his mouth whatever comes out is absolutely brilliant. 4. When lots of super-attractive women fall over themselves to get his attention, he only has eyes for you. 5. Good with his hands 6. He knows you're his equal in every way, but he still loves pampering you like a princess. 7. A classic dresser, who wears his clothing with confidence. 8. Is nice to kids 9. He is a confident lover. 10. Assertive, capable of getting things done. 11. Supportive both emotionally and practically. 12. Financially self-sufficient. This is interesting. My last partner had only 4 of my 'Needs' (1, 3, 4 and 9) and 5 of my 'Wants' (2, 3, 4, 7, 9). Obviously this won't be a checklist but it's good to realise just what it is that I find necessary in a partner. Then again, maybe all our lists will be affected by the man we are currently with/were last in a relationship with?
Author threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Then again, maybe all our lists will be affected by the man we are currently with/were last in a relationship with?Bang on! And yes, our lists are affected by our current partners but that's part of the entire learning process about what works with us and what doesn't. I applied this list to one of my exes and he either fully or partially failed 16/24 needs and 4/6 wants. What was I thinking!
shadowplay Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 My most recent ex failed 7/14 of my needs and 10/19 wants.
Author threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 My most recent ex failed 7/14 of my needs and 10/19 wants.Hindsight is amazing, ain't it? No doubt our lists will change over time, as we all accumulate more life experiences but it's a great way to pre-emptively filter out what you know, doesn't work for you. The further along the investment path you go, the more difficult it is to move on. Also, the further down the investment path you go, the more possibility of acquiring baggage that you don't want or need.
Kamille Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 (edited) Needs 1. He has integrity 2. He must be crazy about me. 3. Has good communication skills! (Capable of handling difficult situation with grace). 4. He knows you're his equal in every way and are completely capable of providing for yourself, but he still loves pampering you like a princess, just as you love treating him like your prince. 5. He is reliable. 6. Forever loyal and faithful. 7. Has a great sense of humor - cracks me up. 8. He keeps his promises. 9. He is compassionate. Believes that people (both genders) are basically good. 10. He is beautiful, self-sufficient, loves what I do and what I am about, is attracted to me, doesn't bug me and most importantly:Makes me happy! Wants 1. He makes the effort to master my G-spot and sexual pleasure points head to toe, and consistently does his part to transform me into a wildcat in bed. 2. He has an amazingly sharp, dry wit. Brilliant barbs constantly fall off his tongue. 3. Smart, magnetic, multifaceted. 4. Fun. 5. An excellent conversationalist. 6. Passionate about his career and interested in mine BF actually has 16 out of 16.... Well we'll say 15 out of 16 because it is too early (6months), in my book, to assess his loyality and faithfulness. But fingers crossed. Also, my wants are what initially attracts me to a man (scintillating conversation, magnetic, brilliance) but my needs determine whether I'll stay with a man or not. Edited January 3, 2010 by Kamille
Author threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 BF actually has 16 out of 16.... Well we'll say 15 out of 16 because it is too early (6months), in my book, to assess his loyality and faithfulness. But fingers crossed. Also, my wants are what initially attracts me to a man (scintillating conversation, magnetic, brilliance) but my needs determine whether I'll stay with a man or not.Then your b/f is a good match unless he falls down on the one you mentioned. But then, we all run the risk of infidelity in any exclusive relationship, whether it's sooner or later, like 10 years later. Conceptually, if the man has the right morals and isn't the type to have malleable boundaries about core values, the risk is reduced for infidelity. Not every relationship is meant to last forever and that's okay. As long as they're healthy relationships, it's all good. Btw, I found that interesting about the wants part. Something to consider.
TheWatcher Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Not that I didn't have an idea before but reviewing many of the lists really hits home how lacking and deficient I am as a guy. It's very interesting to read everyone's want and needs.It's great insight on what it takes to get a woman's attention and keep her interest.
Author threebyfate Posted January 3, 2010 Author Posted January 3, 2010 Not that I didn't have an idea before but reviewing many of the lists really hits home how lacking and deficient I am as a guy. It's very interesting to read everyone's want and needs.It's great insight on what it takes to get a woman's attention and keep her interest.Before jumping to conclusions about personal deficiencies, you might want to wait to see if more female members choose to post their lists. But I'm glad you find it insightful. I found it insightful for myself personally, in that I've never sat down and created a hard list for myself, just had a list in my mind. When put into text like this, it jumped out at me what didn't work for different historical relationships, and why it works with my husband.
temple Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 Not that I didn't have an idea before but reviewing many of the lists really hits home how lacking and deficient I am as a guy. It's very interesting to read everyone's want and needs.It's great insight on what it takes to get a woman's attention and keep her interest. Actually what I have noticed is that our lists seem to be quite different! But it's nice to know that someone's listening Are you surprised with the choices?
CLC2008 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 OK TBF, here's mine : Needs: -He must be loyal -He must be kind & considerate, not mean spirited -Someone with integrity -Someone who is reliable, I can count on him when the chips are down -He must be supportive, someone who will stand beside me -Someone who is positive and always tries to see the good in situations -He should have a touch of humbleness -Someone who is not overtly materialistic -He is not overly rigid, but instead, someone who is flexible -He knows not when to push but rather help lead me in the right direction -Someone who accepts me for me and doesn’t make me feel bad for my shortcomings -He must be my best friend Wants: -Someone who is HOT -Someone who is quirky -Someone whose sense of humor, compliments my own -Broad shoulders, sexy arms and masculine hands -He doesn’t expect me to go to every single sport event with him, especially if it’s really cold out -He's a romantic at heart, and has the ability to bring out that side of me -If we disagree or get into an argument of some sort, he doesn’t blame it on “PMS” (I have yet to meet a single guy who doesn’t make some sort of reference to that). -Someone who says nice things to me (i.e. compliments me verbally), not because he thinks it’s what I want to hear, but because he WANTS to say it. -Someone who doesn’t snore like a lumberjack -Someone who likes to sleep in on occasion and likes to just lay in bed watching TV with me -A man who can give me the big O like no one ever has before Is that good?
Kamille Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 -If we disagree or get into an argument of some sort, he doesn’t blame it on “PMS” (I have yet to meet a single guy who doesn’t make some sort of reference to that). This one made me laugh! And giggle when I realized bf is the first guy I've been with who has yet to use the 'pms' line. Nor could I ever imagine him ever using it. He simply doesn't buy into all the 'battle of the genders' crap. Now I'm even more in love :love:.
CLC2008 Posted January 3, 2010 Posted January 3, 2010 This one made me laugh! And giggle when I realized bf is the first guy I've been with who has yet to use the 'pms' line. Nor could I ever imagine him ever using it. He simply doesn't buy into all the 'battle of the genders' crap. Now I'm even more in love :love:. Yes, but how does he score on the last "want" I listed...
Kamille Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Yes, but how does he score on the last "want" I listed... Oh he scores!
You'reasian Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 This one made me laugh! And giggle when I realized bf is the first guy I've been with who has yet to use the 'pms' line. Nor could I ever imagine him ever using it. He simply doesn't buy into all the 'battle of the genders' crap. Now I'm even more in love :love:. lol I've never used the PMS line and buying into the battle of the genders crap is lame. Good to hear that you appreciate that in a guy.
Author threebyfate Posted January 4, 2010 Author Posted January 4, 2010 Is that good?Hey, CLC, I don't think there's a good or bad list. Figuring out what drives you is what's good! Have you tried applying your list to past relationships?
tigressA Posted January 4, 2010 Posted January 4, 2010 Needs: --He must respect me --He must have integrity --He must be crazy about me --He must be reliable and consistent --He must be kind and considerate --He must be loyal --He must be intelligent --He must be secure in expressing his emotions --He must have an overall positive outlook on life --He must not put me on a pedestal. I must not complete him. I must be in his life because he wants me, not because he needs me. And he must respect that he is in my life for the same reasons. --He must be a good conversationalist, able to discuss a wide range of topics --He must be more concerned with overall financial security than material wealth --He must be passionate about his career/other life goals Wants: --He's physically gorgeous --He loves to read --He's a good cook --He likes to try new things, explore the world outside --He's well-traveled --He likes PDA (holding hands, hugging, kissing) --He's not religious --Has liberal political views --He dresses well --Says sweet things to me because he wants to, and doesn't overplay the modest act when I say sweet things to him --He takes charge in bed, is passionate, aggressive, likes to play-fight --He doesn't drink often, or at all --He has similar tastes to mine --He's good at something creative (preferably photography, but also music or writing) --He's nice to kids --He likes dogs and/or cats --He's close to his family, comes from a good family --Has an accent! (preferably Middle Eastern, but also British, Italian, Spanish or French) --He's fluent in a language other than English (so he can talk dirty to me with it) --He likes to sleep in and cuddle in bed The guy I'm currently seeing (though not exclusively) fits 12/13 needs and 18/20 wants. Yes, including the accent and the foreign language fluency!
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